Allie's War Episodes 1-4(74)

“No, thanks,” I said. I felt him tense, but ignored it, too tired to play at being polite. Crawling forward, I reached for the metal door.
He sat up. “No. You cannot go outside.”
I craned my neck around, suddenly even more tired. “Really? I really can’t just go look at the water?”
He shook his head. “It is an unnecessary risk.”
“What is?” I said. “Windburn?”
“Come here.” He leaned forward, and I backed away from his hands. “Now, Allie. I am too tired for this...”
“What if I have to go to the bathroom?”
“Do you?”
I hesitated, considered lying. “No,” I said.
He shook his head, gesturing. “Then no.”
“Are you going to beat me up if I try to go outside?”
His eyes focused on mine in disbelief. After a pause, they grew openly angry. “I don’t need to beat you...I can tie you up and drive a stake in the ground!”
Realizing I was too tired for this as well, I slid back on the dirt, sitting on the blanket. Watching me, he ran fingers through his black hair, muttering in German.
I caught enough that I flinched.
I saw him notice, and stare. Not needing that all that much either, I rested my face on my arms. Suddenly I was more tired than I thought I could stand.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I glanced up, then wished I hadn’t. The guilt was still in his eyes.
“I did not know you knew German,” he said.
I shook my head. “I don’t.” At his silence, I sighed. “I had a roommate from Stuttgart. I picked up a few words. ‘Immature’ and ‘bitch’ happen to be two of them.” I saw him wince. “...She argued with her girlfriend a lot.”
His skin darkened. Lacing his fingers, he nodded, staring at his feet.
“I apologize.”
“Forget it.”
“I did not mean—”
“I said forget it.” I rested my face on my folded arms. “I know you’re trying. You suck at it, but you’re trying. I’m just not used to sitting in dirt holes, sleep-deprived. And I hate being ordered around all the time. Since I’ve known you, it seems like no one ever wants to do anything else.” At his silence, I added, “But I told Ullysa I’d listen to you...so it’s my fault.”
The silence lengthened.
“Do you want to know more about who you are?” he said.
Grimacing, I shook my head. “No.” I closed my eyes, then opened them again, remembering I really couldn’t sleep.
“Allie,” he said. He waited until I turned my head. “It’s not only to stay awake. I want us to talk. I want to...move past this somehow.”
I nodded, dejected. “Okay.”
His brows drew together. “You would rather fight?”
“No.” I said. “That’s why I was hoping we could just...not talk.”
At his silence, I bit my lip. Looking at his face, I sighed again. He really was trying. I, on the other hand, was being a brat.
I took another breath. “I’m sorry. I really am tired.”
When he didn’t look up, I tried again.
“Look,” I said. “...That whole thing in Seattle.” I felt him stiffen, but went on anyway. “I was avoiding you that morning. I’m not denying that. I felt like roadkill, and you seemed really pissed off...” Feeling my cheeks warm as I fumbled around the other thing, the real reason I’d stayed away from him, I met his gaze. “...But I didn’t ‘offer’ you to Kat. I said she could see you. And...” I hesitated. “...Well, I guess it was the wrong thing to say. I mean, clearly...it was the wrong thing. So I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Revik.”
There was another silence.
Seeing his expression grow slightly less hard, I added,
“No one would tell me anything. I guess I could have asked you, but it seemed a little heavy for chess conversation. I know it’s some seer thing, but that’s all I know.” Waiting another beat, I tried again. “What I’m saying is, I still don’t know anything, Revik.”
He just looked at me. Then he exhaled, clicking softly.
“Thank you,” he said.
I bit my lip, then shrugged, meeting his gaze.
“So do you want to do it now?” I said. “Tell me, I mean. About that thing—”
“No.” He shook his head, his eyes showing a faint alarm. “No...I am too tired to talk about that now. I do want to tell you something, though.”
“Fine,” I said. “Knock yourself out.”
He looked up the cement walls of the lighthouse. I saw his eyes cloud, then focus, as if he were practicing more than one way of saying it. Turning, he seemed to give up.