Allie's War Episodes 1-4(160)

“Yeah, I know, I...” Realizing I’d cut him off, I stopped. I felt my face warm, but kept my voice neutral, almost businesslike. “The seers in India, they had a plan. I’ve been able to help them some...” I shrugged, looking back at my plate. “...The plan is kind of a long shot, but anything would have been. I had my own axe to grind, I guess...and more of a direct line to Galaith than a lot of them, so...”
Feeling them all staring at me again, I glanced at Maygar, maybe for help.
“Look, maybe I shouldn’t involve any of you in this,” I said. “We should separate. They probably know I’m in London.”
I felt a pulse of something, realized it came from Revik. Whatever it was, it was intense enough to startle me. I glanced over at his face, but his eyes were fixed on Maygar.
His voice flattened. “You should know...there’s a factional struggle happening within the Rooks. Terian’s making a play for the top spot. My guess is, he wants you to do it for him...or to use you as leverage, maybe. Maybe even to do whatever it is you’re planning to do...”
“I doubt that.”
“Allie,” he said. “All I meant is—”
“I know,” I said, cutting him off again. “I got it, Revik. You think he’s playing me. That he maneuvered me into whatever I’m doing. You think I’m part of his little game now.”
There was a silence after I said it.
I felt my face warm, but didn’t look at anyone around the table. Replaying my own words, I realized again how what I’d said probably sounded to them, after everything. A kind of futility washed over me.
Revik broke the silence.
“I didn’t mean what I said as an insult, Allie,” he said, quiet. “He’s good at that. Manipulating events. All I meant was—”
“I understand,” I said. “It’s all right, Revik. Really.”
I felt my jaw harden when I realized I’d cut him off again.
Avoiding his eyes, I looked around the table, forcing myself to take in their physical condition, to really see it. I replayed Revik’s words in my head, looking at Jon’s hand, the cut on Cass’s face, whatever was wrong with Revik’s neck. Suddenly, everything I’d been doing with the Seven seemed pretty childish.
“Maybe you’re right,” I said, speaking into the silence. “You probably are right, Revik.” I hesitated, looking around at them again. “...I guess I went after the wrong Rook.”
I felt my face warm again when I replayed my own words.
Shaking my head, I fought my voice.
“Look, I’m sorry. I really am. I’m not saying anything right. I guess I don’t know how to say how terrible I feel about what happened to all of you...”
“Allie,” Cass said, softly.
I glanced at her. Seeing the brightness in her eyes, I looked at Jon. “The truth is, it’s still not safe, being near me...you must realize that now. I wish that were different. I really do. But it’s not. It might not ever be.”
When no one said anything, I cleared my throat, wiping my eyes.
“When we’re done here, Maygar and I’ll clear out.” I hesitated, glancing at Revik. He wouldn’t return my gaze. Looking past him, to Cass, I said, “Revik can probably get you somewhere safe. I’ve got money now. Vash promised me funds...I could...” I glanced at Revik. “...Hire him, I mean. If that’s all right.”
Another silence fell. I felt them staring at me, everyone except Revik.
Then Maygar grunted in amusement. He glanced at Revik, tossing his napkin to the table.
“Hear that?” he said. “You’ve been dismissed, Rook-boy.”
“Shut up, Maygar,” I said.
“Oh, don’t worry...I approve, Bridge. And you’re right. He’s probably screwing the redhead...”
“What?” Cass stared at him, then at me. “What did he say?”
I shook my head, giving Maygar a hard look. “He didn’t say anything, Cass. Please, just forget it.”
I saw her open her mouth, then look back at Maygar. Her eyes narrowed at him, right before she seemed to make up her mind, folding her arms.
“Whatever.”
I stood up, unable to look at any of them now.
“Look, this isn’t personal. Maygar was assigned to me by the Council, so he’s stuck...but none of you are.” I looked at Jon. “I don’t want to leave any of you. I love you. I hope you all know that. I’m serious about the danger, okay? Revik knows...he’ll tell you.”
There was a silence, this one longer. Revik didn’t move in his chair.
The human servant, Eddard, finally broke it by walking into the room. He glanced around, one eyebrow arched in question at the silence.