Searching down deep, I was still attracted to him. Not just his body, though I was attracted to that too, but him. I wanted him in my life. I wanted to disassemble him, find out what made him tick. He seemed like he needed someone to love-he didn't have anyone and that made my heart hurt.
I didn't feel like I could give him a second chance right now, however, because of the court proceeding. It was better for me not to be in a relationship, especially a new one, for Roberto's sake. So the decision was easy for now. Yet seeing him today was going to be hard.
Walking into the classroom early, I was relieved to see that no one was there. The anteroom was empty, and I went in, undressed, put on my white waffle robe, and waited. After a few minutes, I heard the noises of people arriving, chairs scuffling around, and people taking their seats. The professor knocked on the door and talked with me for a moment. Today, I was to move around, and they were to sketch me in motion, going from pose to pose.
God, what a day to make me parade around naked. I tried to remember to breathe.
Last time I'd come into the classroom, I didn't look around. Instead, I'd looked down. This time, I wanted to hold my head high and look him straight in the eye.
But I couldn't.
I strolled to the middle of the class, dropped my robe, and began a series of poses, holding each until the professor said, "Next pose, please." Each pose had movement, like swinging an arm or turning a head back and forth. Because of this constant movement, this class session, I got a lock on where Jake was seated, at an easel in the back. His eyes were on me, and every time I looked at him they seemed to have a different expression. At first, they were blank, studious, an artist flicking his eyes up from his paper, to the model, then back again. But as I moved and the poses changed, his eyes went to anguished. Then pleading. And then, worst of all, his sexiest stare, intense, unblinking heat, his hands down, not drawing, just watching me naked, moving, for the other art students to draw.
Before, I found modeling for an art class to be almost asexual. I'd thought about my Target shopping list. But this time, all I could think about was Jake's hands on me, his lips on my skin, his fingers making me come. The caresses he gave me, the way he was thoughtful and honest.
Dammit.
I had to give him a second chance. Once this case was done, I was going to do it. But I needed to figure out a way to tell him.
In what seemed like no time at all, the professor called time, and I went back and changed. This time I hurried, and when I was done, half of the class, including Jake, was still putting away their art supplies. I walked straight over to him as he was putting his pencils in the box and packing up his bag.
"Hi," I said, not knowing what else to say.
"Hey," he responded, looking at me with an unreadable expression. I felt a little hopeful.
"Can we talk?"
He looked at me with heat and longing. My heart leapt. But then he shook his head and let out a sigh, picking up his art pad and his supplies. "It's not a good time, Lucy." And then he walked away from me.
When I returned from the art class, Georgie took one look at my face and knew what had happened. In an instant, she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and called Sara for emergency backup, and the two of them sat on either side of me while I cried.
Yet again. Dammit, now I was crying all the time. But I allowed myself this day of wallowing.
And then I tried to seal off my heart and move on. I'd done it before. I would simply toughen up again and set my emotions aside.
But I couldn't help but hope that Jake and I would still get a second chance.
A week passed. I bought Christmas presents for Roberto, my friends, and my family. I saw things that would be wonderful for Jake-a blue scarf that would match his eyes, art supplies, books of photography of Santa Barbara. I didn't buy him anything, but I kept thinking about him. Rob and I put up a little Christmas tree. We decorated. I went to Rob's Winter Pageant, where he wore a Santa hat and sang "Jingle Bell Rock."
But I never saw Jake. Each day, I heard him leave, following his regular routine of early morning workout, then early to work. But he came back later and later, and he never knocked on my door. I made sure never to go out when I heard him coming or going.
I missed him.
The guy in the car outside my house stayed parked there, watching my door most days. I was almost used to him now. It had to be pretty boring watching my door. Still, Carlos could spend his money however he liked, as long as he paid for his son.
About one o'clock on the Monday of the first day of Roberto's winter break, my phone rang. I was sitting at the computer, writing, while Rob read a book. It was Amelia.
"Lucy, is there any chance that you can come in today? Carlos's attorney set an emergency ex parte hearing for tomorrow, and we need to prepare."
"What?"
"He filed a request for an emergency order that would give him custody of Rob over Christmas break."
Why? Why would he do this? That asshole. "He goes twelve years without having him on Christmas and he wants him now? You can't be serious."
"I am. Can you come in?"
I thought for a second. I needed a babysitter. Yes, Rob was probably old enough to watch himself. I didn't care. My kid, my rules.
But I couldn't call my mom. She was at work and this was the busy season for grocery stores. Sara would be busy at Macy's, working overtime. Georgie was going crazy at work doing year-end bookkeeping for the auto parts dealer. "I don't have a babysitter. Can Rob come and wait in the lobby?"
"It's probably going to be most of the day and into the evening. Let me see if Jake can do it. He just finished up a case." Before I could stop her, she'd put me on hold. I stewed about my legal troubles with Carlos. I didn't have time to think about Jake right now. I trusted him with my kid for a few hours. I just didn't trust him with my heart.
"He'll be over in a few," she said. "I'll see you when you get here."
And before I could protest, she hung up. Shit.
About a half hour later, there was a knock on the door and Jake stood, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
"I hear you need an emergency babysitter."
I nodded. "Thanks. Come in."
He walked in my home. I didn't know what to say. The last time he was in my entranceway, I'd kicked him out. The time before, I'd fucked him.
I let out a breath. "You had time to change out of your suit?"
"I figured I shouldn't watch Rob in a tie."
After a pause I said, "Well, let me show you where things are." I walked him around and showed him the cabinet with snacks for Rob, the paper with emergency phone numbers, and how to work the television, just like any other babysitter.
Unlike any other babysitter, however, he still looked like he belonged in an underwear ad, and worse, he'd hurt me.
"Roberto," I called down the hallway.
He came padding out, wearing socks and sweatpants and a Minecraft t-shirt with a creeper on it. "Mister Jake is going to watch you while I go to a meeting, okay?"
"We'll be fine," he assured me. Then he turned to Rob. "Why don't you show me what you like to do? Your mom says you like Minecraft. Why don't you teach me how to play?"
I needed to get going. I had no time to worry about this. "Listen, call me if you need anything. Either my cell or, well, I'll be at your office."
Jake nodded. Rob looked uncertain.
"Okay, I'm going to go now," I said uncomfortably, and picked up my purse and keys and walked to my car, past the guy sitting in the parked car.
He didn't follow me. Weird. Maybe he wasn't watching me at all. Maybe he was following someone else. I saw him talking on his cell phone as I took off.
When I got to the law firm, Amelia greeted me warmly and handed me a stack of papers. "Mr. Castro has petitioned for the Court to allow him extra time with Roberto over winter break because he says that since Roberto is out of school, he has more time to spend with his father."
"That's ridiculous. Carlos is working. He just wants to get a precedent set so that it looks like Rob spends more time with him."
"That's what I think, too. We need to prepare your testimony for the hearing tomorrow and plan our defense."
Four hours later, we were still going through documents. We'd ordered food and worked in a conference room, practicing my testimony, coming up with new strategies, and preparing my case. No wonder Jake worked such long hours. It took a lot of time to get it right.
Another hour and a half later, I pulled up in my dark parking lot at home. No PI in a car.
I opened my door, figuring that Roberto had played Minecraft the entire time and Jake was bored out of his skull wanting out of there.
My living room looked like a hurricane had hit it. A complete disaster area. Cushions piled up on top of chairs and propped against each other, all over the place. Jake sat on the floor underneath the table, doing something with a blanket. Rob kneeled, surrounded by cushions in another part of the room, connected to Jake with pillows and blankets.
They'd made a fort.