All or Nothing at All(2)

"What about-what about me?" She hated the weak whine to her voice. Why couldn't she be strong and fierce? A woman confident in their relationship? She always reverted to that young girl who used to follow him around like a lost puppy, begging for attention. Shame filled her at the question, but she couldn't look away. She needed his answer.

"Come with me."

They were the words she craved to hear. She could accept them and run away like in her youthful fantasies. Leave her home and follow him to New York. They'd be together and be happy. Right?

The inner voice rose from her core and whispered in her ear.

What about the baby?

Trapped. His baby would make him feel like he was being strangled. Like she did. He'd never wanted her to go, or she wouldn't have had to ask. It was his guilt over leaving her behind. There was a shiny new life calling to him, and she wasn't a part of it. No, she was a part of his past, a part he wanted to forget. Their brief affair hadn't been as life changing for him. He didn't love her the way she so desperately needed him to.

Still, sheer stubbornness and habit kept her hoping.

"My grandmother is sick," she said. "She's been in and out of the hospital, and I need to take care of her."

"My father can help out. You can visit her. I'm sure she'd want you to go."

Once again, there was no passion or urgency in his voice. It was as if he was stating facts, giving rational reasons why she could join him. Her hands floated around to land on her flat tummy.




 

 

Trapped . . .

She'd go to New York and have his baby, and he'd be miserable. Or he'd decide to stay to be a father and be miserable. She'd be a mistake, along with his child. Could she live with that? She'd been one of those kids, with her junkie mother and a father who took off, leaving her in the care of her grandparents. Always feeling unwanted. Was this what she dreamed for her future?

Coldness lodged in her gut. No. She couldn't do that to any of them. Even if she had to lose the man she loved in the process.

"I don't want to go to New York, Tristan. This is my home. I like my job at Pierce Brothers, and I can't leave my grandmother. She took care of me my whole life, and I owe her. I want to enroll in business school and get my degree. I can't start all over in the city."

"Of course, you can! Don't you want more for yourself, Syd? More from your life?" Frustration clung to his aura. He clenched his fists and faced her down. "Is this it for you? Working for my father and settling in the same town you were born in? You can be anything in New York. I thought you weren't going to be that scared little girl anymore. Just take the chance, and let's do this. Let's leave together."

If he'd told her he loved her, she'd probably fly off the bed and follow him to Siberia. If he'd given her any indication emotion ruled his speech, she'd tell him about the baby and take a leap of faith.

Instead, she looked deep into those gorgeous amber eyes and saw . . .

Nothing.

The numbness took over. She knew the pain would come much later. Right now, she needed to do this and set him free. He didn't love her the way she did him. There was something bigger out there for him. His dreams weren't about her. And damned if she'd spend the rest of her life trying to be someone who always doubted she was enough. Someone who trapped him into a life of what-ifs and regret.

"I can't leave, Tristan. I'm sorry. This is my home. I need to stay. And to be honest, I don't think you really want me to go."

He spun away from her. Anger beat from him in waves she could almost touch. "Are you kidding me? I ask you to go away with me, and you say you don't believe me? Are we playing these ridiculous games again, Sydney? 'Cause I'm tired. You can do anything you want, and nothing is keeping you here except yourself. But I'm not about to beg."

He grabbed his shirt, quickly dressed, and walked to the door. "Just remember you made your choice. I tried. I'm leaving on Friday, and I'm not looking back."

The door shut behind him.

She wrapped the sheets tight around her and bowed her head. Body shaking, she let the surge of pain and fear wash over her and wondered if she'd made the biggest mistake of her life. 





chapter one




Sydney Greene-Seymour rushed into the office of Pierce Brothers Construction, frantically calculating how she'd make up the twenty minutes she'd lost in morning madness. Her daughter, Becca, had insisted on wearing her hair in a French braid, then raced back to her closet to change twice before school. If she acted like this at six years old, what would happen when she reached high school?

Sydney shuddered at the thought. Juggling her purse, laptop, and briefcase, she dug for the key. She was a bit of a control freak when it came to running the office where she'd worked since she was sixteen years old, and she liked to arrive before everyone else started. Order was the key to dealing with chaos. Her life had been such a series of sharp turns and fear-inducing hills, her soul was soothed in the one place she could not only control but thrive in.