Kennedy leaned his head back and looked at the beams spanning the width of the barn. They’d been wrapped in twinkling white lights for the dance. “I was referring to the way she fights.”
Ducking from under his arms, I stepped back. “Whatever. Go give the honor of your company to one of your groupies. I’m not interested.”
I left the barn, walked away from Everly’s band and this feeling in my gut that I wasn’t enough for Kennedy.
Worse was that I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. If I told Everly, she’d spout venom about how much she loathed Kennedy for sleeping with her last year. If I told Maya or Sami, they would stress the fact that Kennedy needed time to process everything, that I should be glad he wanted to be in Abbott Springs. They wouldn’t understand I was terrified I would give him that time, only to find I didn’t measure up. That I wasn’t enough for him. Just look at my mom. She’d given up a promising career when she’d gotten pregnant with me, and she’d spent every minute since she’d skipped town trying and failing to get that life back.
I wandered around town until my fingers and toes were numb and my thoughts had made a mess of my stomach. Like I always did when I felt lost, I went for my art supplies.
“Thought maybe you stood me up.” A bitter breeze blew off the lake, stinging my cheeks as Everly joined me on the dock.
“Got held up.”
I was so glad she was here. I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do about Bree, but I did know I couldn’t do anything until this thing between me and Everly had been resolved once and for all. “So, Pink. I get the distinct feeling you hate my guts. And I feel bad about the way things went down.”
“Me too,” she whispered. “I messed up.”
That seemed like a bit of an overreaction. It hadn’t been anything serious. “It’s not like you killed anybody, Everly. Jesus. It was a hook-up. I thought you were fun to hang with. I was kind of in a weird place and didn’t really know you had, like…expectations.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I think that was my problem, you know? I didn’t even know what I wanted or expected from you. And then it felt like you’d used me for sex.”
I winced. I never would have touched her if I’d known she’d react that way. “Ouch. I seem like that big of a dick, huh?”
She waited a beat before replying. “No. But it was my first time and—”
“What?” What. The. Fuck. My stomach churned, and it felt like all the whiskey I’d ingested earlier sloshed violently in my empty stomach. “Why didn’t you tell—”
“Shh. Relax. I’m over it.” She waved a hand dismissively, and it seemed like she actually meant what she was saying. “I think I thought it would prove something to people in this town if we were together. Like I was worthy of their respect or something. Sounds pretty dumb saying it out loud.”
“Wow, now I feel cheap and used.” I nudged her. She laughed and I relaxed a little.
“I’ve been carrying this stupid feeling of inadequacy around like a security blanket. It didn’t work out with you, so why bother with anyone else?”
“That doesn’t sound like the Everly Abbott I know.” And it just proved what an epic fuck-up one impulsive night could cause.
“Right?”
“Naw, don’t beat yourself up. We all do that to some extent, I think. Use our past failures as excuses for not taking a chance on the future.” Jesus. Was that what I was doing? Using my screw-up with Everly to justify not moving forward with Bree? As if the situations were remotely similar. But my relationship with Bree was nothing like my relationship with Everly. And my mistake with Everly had been the sex. But having sex with Bree hadn’t been a mistake. The mistake had been letting her go.
“How do we stop?” she asked.
“No idea.” I wasn’t just blowing her off. It was true. Even as I stood here knowing I needed to do something, I had no idea what.
“Well, what good are you?” She smacked my arm playfully.
I sighed. “Not much good to anyone. I’m pretty much a giant jackass, screwing up like it’s my job lately.”
“Join the club. My best friend decided to tell me he had feelings for me tonight. And I’m standing here with you.”
“Ah, Cohen finally fessed up.” I stopped walking and fingered my sore jaw. “Well, that explains why he was hell-bent on kicking my ass today.”
“Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“Sorry about the shitty remark. I haven’t exactly had the best year ever. But that was disrespectful as shit and I didn’t mean it.”