“Connor,” he interrupted. “Just call me Connor, Dave.”
For some reason, ‘Dave’ sounded pretty happy to be calling Connor by his first name. “Sure, Connor. I want you to give Connor any help he needs, Klaus – anything he asks for. Understood?”
Klaus’s whiny voice kicked in. “Well, Dave, I – ”
“Mr. WESTERholtz,” interrupted the CEO.
Connor gave me a hilarious fake-shocked little ‘o’ mouth, like Oh no he diii-in’t!
I almost laughed out loud at his reaction, and had to cover my mouth with my hand to stifle it.
“Yes, Mr. Westerholtz, sir, you see, I’m actually out of the office – ”
“Then go BACK to the office, Klaus. Whatever Mr. – ”
“Connor.”
“Right – whatever Connor needs, you make sure he gets it. Is that clear?”
Pause.
“Of course,” Klaus answered, sounding exactly like a horrible brat who’d just been ordered to apologize by his parents or go without dessert.
“Fantastic!” Connor beamed. “Well, Dave, I know it’s late there in New York, so I don’t want to keep you too long, but thanks for your help.”
“It’s my pleasure, Mr. – ”
“Connor, Dave, it’s Connor!” he laughed.
Westerholtz laughed in return. “You got it, Connor. It was a real pleasure talking to you this afternoon, and I’m looking forward to working together in the future!”
“Absolutely, Dave,” Connor said. “Take care!”
“You too!”
“Goodbye, Mr. Wester– ” Klaus tried to say, but Westerholtz had already hung up.
Point, set, and match, Connor Brooks.
9
This had been an incredible treat, listening in as my despised jerk of a boss got his butt handed to him by the CEO of the company. But I knew Klaus, and I knew what was coming next.
I held up a finger and caught Connor’s eye.
“Hold on one sec, Klaus – don’t go anywhere!” and then Connor swiped the phone screen, presumably muting the call. “What’s up?”
“If you want him to come in, you’ve got to be nice and ask him,” I whispered, even though the call was on mute. “I know what Mr. Westerholtz said, but if you order Klaus around, he’ll turn it into a… a pissing contest.”
Just for a second, I was going to say ‘penis-measuring contest,’ but that wouldn’t have been ladylike.
And I didn’t want to give Connor the impression I was thinking about his… uh… you know.
Because I wasn’t.
Except for that peek below the belt at the beginning.
And, since I was almost going to say ‘penis-measuring’… maybe I was thinking about his just a little bit right at that moment. In an abstract, totally metaphorical kind of way.
Totally metaphorical.
Anyway, Connor suddenly burst into a full-on grin. He turned back to the phone, swiped it off mute, and almost shouted, “Alright, Klaus, you heard your boss, get your ass back here right now.”
My eyes bugged out.
He did exactly the OPPOSITE of what I just told him!
And he was having a great time doing it. Connor looked like a five-year-old boy hearing the funniest fart joke of his life as Klaus snarled, “W-well, ABOUT that – what EXACTLY is it you need me for?”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, Klaus. You just get back over here pronto.”
I glanced at Stanley. If I looked anything like what Stanley looked like at that moment, we were both about to poop bricks.
“I don’t like your tone,” Klaus snapped.
“Yeah? Well I don’t like your attitude. Dave basically – oh, that’s right, that’s Mr. Westerholtz to you.”
I was covering my mouth with both hands by now.
Stanley was shaking his head slowly in that Roy Scheider in Jaws, glassy-eyed ‘You’re gonna need a bigger boat’ kind of way.
Connor looked like he was having the time of his life.
“Anyway, Dave basically said that when I say ‘Jump,’ you ask, ‘How high.’ And you’re not asking ‘how high’ yet, Klaus.”
“This is – this – Mr. Westerholtz wouldn’t – ” Klaus sputtered.
“Of course, if you want your assistant Lily to handle what I need, we could do that, too,” Connor suggested in a suddenly conciliatory tone.
I almost screamed, Say WHAT?!
Stanley looked over at me like, Girl, you better get your ass outta that water before Jaws gets you.
Klaus went silent.
“…is Lily there?” he asked warily, with definite undertones of fear.