Unlike her husband, she walked straight over to Connor and gave him a kiss.
Well, an air kiss, anyway, one on each side of the face, mwah, mwah.
“Good Lord, you’re a mess, Connor. What have you been doing, running a marathon? Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”
“You’ve been here the entire time?” Connor asked, seriously annoyed.
“I thought I’d let you and your father talk things over first. Although that didn’t solve anything, so now seemed as good a time as any to enter the fray.”
“Wonderful. All we need now is Vincent to complete the happy family reunion . Where is Vince?”
“He’s on his way,” Mr. Templeton said.
“Of course he is.”
“His jet landed just before you arrived.”
“Don’t you mean your jet?”
“What’s ours is his, and would be yours, too,” Mrs. Templeton snapped, “if you wouldn’t insist on betraying us. What’s this foolishness about you leasing 10,000 square miles of federal and state land?”
“If you know the square footage, you probably know the reason.”
“Honestly, Connor, why go you out of your way to antagonize us – ”
“Not kowtowing to your every wish isn’t going out of my way to antagonize you. Or betray you.”
“No, it’s just a ‘side benefit,’” she said acidly.
I could hear the impish delight in Connor’s voice. “One of the many.”
Mr. Templeton hurled himself once more into the breach. “I’m ordering you to stop this foolishness.”
“Oh – well – in THAT case…”
“As my son, you have a duty to – ”
“You’re trying to trade on the ‘filial devotion’ card? You ran out of those when I pulled your sorry ass out of Mexico.”
The old man’s jaw set.
But Mrs. Templeton went off on a drama queen rant, throwing her hands in the air and rolling her eyes.
“Oh, for God’s sake, do you have to keep bringing that up? You stab him in the back – ‘But I saved you in Mexico.’ You send our stock plummeting 20% – ‘But I saved you in Mexico.’ You plot to destroy us – ‘But I saved you in Mexico.’ You think your little Mexico spiel cuts any weight with me? ‘I gave birth to you’ is a bit more of an obligation than anything you have to offer.”
Connor’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Thank you, mother, for giving birth to me. And then promptly foisting me off on an endless succession of nannies and boarding schools.”
“Perhaps I should have kept you by my side continually. Maybe then you wouldn’t have turned out to be such a sadistic, vengeful child.”
“Yes, you forgot the first rule of parenting: ‘keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.’”
“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth…” she muttered.
“Well, look on the bright side: you have at least one grateful son,” Connor sneered. “After all, he owes you two everything.”
“And you think you owe us nothing.”
“Ten million dollars, as I recall,” Mr. Templeton said.
“Oh, but didn’t you hear, Augustus?” Mrs. Templeton replied. “He saved you in Mexico.”
My eyes widened.
This was beginning to make Mommie Dearest look like The Donna Reed show.
Unfortunately, I think my little facial expression caught her attention.
She looked over at me and narrowed her lids the slightest amount.
I noticed that, like her husband, she disregarded Johnny completely. Just looked right through him. The only time Mr. Templeton had acknowledged his existence was when he referred to him in the third person as ‘Mr. Inaba.’
Maybe that explained why Johnny had been so surprised when I’d said goodbye to him Sunday evening, when Connor took me back to my place…
Connor saw that she was looking at me. “Lily, meet my mother, Lenora. Mother, Lily Ross.”
“‘Mrs. Templeton’ will do fine.” She flashed a fake smile that died a quick death, then walked closer and looked me up and down.
She had high, arched eyebrows, frozen perpetually in an expression of haughty disapproval – which is all she was giving me at that second.
Well, that and overt hostility.
I felt like a baby seal being eyed by a great white shark.
Take the high road, Lily, I told myself.
I put out my hand. “It’s very nice to meet – ”
She interrupted me – though not to speak to me. Oh heavens, no.
“A darling little thing, Connor. Where did you pick her up?” she asked, her voice dripping with disdain. “A bar? A trailer park? The discount bin at Walmart?”
I saw Johnny’s mouth drop open in shock.
Connor’s face contorted in rage. “Mother – ”
But this time, I beat him to the punch.
Still tried to take the high road, though.
“Where I come from, you’re being very rude,” I said quietly, staring her straight in the eyes.
“Oh, don’t take offense, darling,” she smiled. “Where I come from, that’s how we treat people like you.”
You know how, when someone insults you, you always think of the perfect comeback hours later?
I heard once that the French have a phrase for it. I can’t remember the real translation, but it’s something like ‘the stairway quip.’ Meaning that you don’t think of it until afterwards, when you’re walking down the stairs to leave.
I never think of the perfect retort. Ever.
Except for this one bright and shining moment.
I don’t know if I was channeling Sebastian or what, but as soon as she said, ‘Where I come from, that’s how we treat people like you,’ I just smiled demurely.
“And where is that, exactly? ‘Bitches ‘R Us’?”
Connor burst out into howls of laughter.
Johnny had to hide his smile behind his hand.
The four Secret Service agents clamped their jaws tight and looked down intently at the floor.
Even Augustus Templeton snorted.
His wife whipped around and gave him a dagger of a look.
He quickly turned his face away, as though something in the corner interested him greatly.
Then she turned back to me.
“Vulgar girl, vulgar tongue,” she hissed.
And for the second time, Sebastian came to my aid. At least in spirit.
“Mean old woman…”
I paused, then shrugged.
“…that’s all I got. Mean and old, no matter how much plastic surgery you’ve had.”
I think she almost had a coronary. A single vein started thumping in her temple as she stared me down, murder in her eyes.
“OHHH!” Connor guffawed.
Johnny’s eyebrows raised like he couldn’t believe I’d just said it.
Mrs. Templeton started trembling with fury. “You… little… harlot… how dare you – ”
“‘Harlot’? What is this, the 18th century?” I asked, with absolutely no follow-up intended – but saying it gave my brain just enough time to come up with a beautiful kicker. “Oh, wait – that’s when you were born, right?”
BOOM.
Three for three.
I’ll never have that good a performance again in my life.
I swear to God, I think she was about to slap me when Connor rushed up and put his hand on her shoulder.
“Remember, Mother,” Connor chided her, “when you play with fire, sometimes you get burned.”
“Just remember that when she gives you a venereal disease,” Mrs. Templeton spat.
I couldn’t think of anything witty for that one, but it didn’t matter – Connor had regained control of the situation.
“Lily’s wanted here, Mother. You’re not. Keep that in mind, or leave.”
She whirled around. “All I want is a private conversation – is that too much to ask?”
Connor looked over her shoulder at me.
I figured I’d taken the low road enough for the day. I half-closed my eyelids and gave a couple of tiny nods like, It’s okay.
The corner of his mouth quirked up, and his eyes gave me a warm, invisible hug.
Then he called out over his shoulder, “Johnny, could you take Lily into the kitchen for me?”
“Sure.”
I walked past Mrs. Templeton.
As I passed Connor, he reached out, lightly grasped my hand, and gave it a little squeeze.
I paused and looked up at him.
He winked, and I smiled.
Then Johnny hooked my arm and we walked away under the arctic stares of Mr. and Mrs. Templeton.
35
When we were halfway down the hall to the kitchen, Johnny whispered in my ear, “That… was… AWESOME.”
I grinned. “Thanks.”
“I’ve never seen Mrs. Templeton get skewered like that before. Sebastian would have killed to be here.”
“He doesn’t like her?”
“He loathes her. And Mr. Templeton, too, but especially her. And yet, even he’s never had the balls to take her down like that. Not to her face. So thank you from both of us.”
I suppressed a giggle, then looked at him. “You’re not mad at us? For… you know… sneaking out?”
His face darkened. “Oh, I’m plenty mad at Connor… but I’ll have that talk with him later. He’ll probably throw it in my face that they were here when he got back.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”