All Jacked Up(89)
Sticky silence.
Jack wanted to tell her he wasn’t just hypothesizing. Would any kind of long term, real relationship have to be solely on her terms?
“Maybe I am shallow,” she said in a small voice. “I never thought of it that way. You definitely gave me something to think about.”
“Keely. You misunderstood.”
“The hell I did. I’m happy in my own skin. I could be happy anywhere if I was with the person I loved. But it’s a moot point anyway.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t love me. And I don’t pity you for the way you live as much as you pity yourself.”
“Hey, that’s not fair.”
“Nothin’ ever is. Good night, Jack.”
She jerked the covers so tightly around herself he only saw a lump on the other side of the bed.
Cocooned as she was, she wouldn’t have heard his But I do love you rebuttal, but he said it anyway.
“I wish you’d change your mind.”
“I’ll text you and let you know, okay?”
“Okay.” Jack scrambled her brain with a kiss with equal parts fire and sweet regret.
Keely watched the elevator doors close and returned to his condo. She spent a considerable amount of time staring out the window contemplating her options.
Wow. Big choices: Stay or go.
Her cell phone blared “One Hot Mama”. Smiling, she said, “Hey, AJ. What’s up?”
“My feet. Foster is down for his nap. Ky and Anton are helping Cord. So I have time to grill you about what the hell happened last night.”
Where to start? “Jack was too freakin’ busy being a businessman to notice I was miserable with his asshole associates’ wives. I got tired of being the lowbrow entertainment and left. Oh, and piss off for telling him where I went, AJ.”
“What was I supposed to do, K? I’ve never heard calm, cool and collected Jack Donohue that upset. I figured something major had gone down if you’d bolted. So sue me. I wanted to make sure you were all right just as much as he did. You know how we all hate it when you just take off and no one has a clue where you are.”
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All Jacked Up
Keely closed her eyes and let her head fall into the headrest. Sometimes getting away by herself was the only way she could clear her head. Her family didn’t understand, so she’d stopped trying to explain and just took off whenever she needed.
“Here’s where you tell me what happened,” AJ prompted.
“It was a fucking nightmare.”
“Still doesn’t explain anything, K.”
She struggled to put it in a context that didn’t sound hopelessly high-schoolish. “Remember when you first moved to Denver? We went to that party over at Tim’s house and you had an awful time? Back at the apartment you cried because you’d felt totally out of place, like my hick cousin who’d never been to the big city? That describes last night.
“But replace the obnoxious jocks with Jack’s colleagues. Replace the snotty sorority sisters with snooty colleagues’ wives. I wore the wrong clothes. I wore the wrong shoes. Hell, I think they sniffed to see if I had cowshit on me. Plus, the ringleader was Jack’s old flame and she made me feel small enough to fit into a thimble—before she cornered me in the can to reinforce what a total fuckin’ loser I am. It was horrendous, AJ. All I wanted was to go home.”
AJ paused thoughtfully. “So you ran?”
“Yep. And I hid.” And I realized I’m a total idiot for falling in love with a man I can’t have because he sees me the same way they do: A hick country girl who’d never fit in his world.
“You never run. You always stay and fight.”
Keely sighed. “I know. But I was in way over my head.”
“So next time you’re in that situation? What happens?”
It won’t happen again. “I don’t know.”
“Keely. Listen to me. Sounds like these social events are a big part of Jack’s professional life. You can’t run every time. You have to find a way to deal with it in a way that works for both of you.”
“My way to deal? I’d tell Martine and her cronies to fuck off. But I can’t because it’d reflect badly on Jack.”
“True. But you’ve got no reason to hide and hang your head in shame for not being good enough. So what if you wore the wrong clothes? You’ve got a college degree for cripesake. You’ve worked for the PBR, the PRCA and the VA. You’re part of one of the oldest ranching families in Wyoming. You’re on your way to being a businesswoman in your own right. Plus you’re generous and funny, everyone who meets you loves you, not to mention you are beautiful inside and outside. If they can’t see that—”