If I could go back and change how things turned out, I'd forgive your father. Now I'm begging you to please forgive me. Even though I'm leaving you, never doubt how much I love you, Lacy.
I sat reading and rereading the letter for how long, I don't even know. It was like my prayer for a final goodbye from her had been answered. In just a few words she'd provided me with a sense of closure, and at the same time helped me let go of some of my anger at her for what she did. I still didn't understand, and maybe I never would. That's probably the hardest part of coping with other people's mental illnesses.
When my front door opened I wiped off my face before Zack could step outside.
"Hey," he said, barely managing to fold his enormous frame down in the patio seat beside me.
"Hey."
"Couldn't make it to the store?"
"Not yet," I replied. "I've just been … thinking."
"Listen Lacy, there's something I've been needing to tell you. I sort of need your help. I know this is a horrible time, but I've gotten into a mess with some of my … extracurricular activities, and I'm getting a lot of heat from the Wildcat's owner."
"What's going on?" I asked, not used to seeing Zack this way. You know, not being a cocky asshole.
"I need you to marry me, or at least date me in public, or I might lose my contract."
There's the cocky asshole I know so well.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" I asked, having clearly misheard him.
"Will you just agree to pretend like we're engaged or go out with me for the paparazzi's sake for the next few weeks? You know how much I love football. It's my life, and I can't bear to lose it."
"And let me guess, during this 'pretend engagement' you'll still be screwing other women?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest at his audacity and his shitty timing. Is this why he'd stayed with me the past few days, to try and butter me up so he could sucker me into helping him? Of course it was. He was the most selfish, arrogant man I had ever known.
"Well, of course I would see other women," he said with his cocky grin.
"And I could see other people too?" I asked.
"Hell no. You can't let rumors start floating around that you're cheating on me."
"Right," I nodded in understanding. "Then my answer is no."
"What? Come on Lacy. Are you still hung up on the cheating shit? Then fine, I'll try to stay away from other women."
"God, Zack! You are so damn clueless. It's a good thing you're so pretty, because you're a gigantic asshole. We will never work in a real or pretend relationship. I can't believe I forgot what a jerk you are."
"You sure as hell don't mind fucking me," he said arrogantly.
"You're a selfish lover, and it's not really that good," I told him honestly. Sex with Zack was a letdown after being with Will and Joe. They spoiled me and I … I missed them. Not just the sex, but everything about them.
That's when it hit me. I could keep on being sad and depressed not having them in my life, or I could forgive them. I'd held a grudge and shut them out for so long, not even realizing that I was probably hurting myself more than anyone else.
I looked down at the letter from my mom still in my hand. I don't want to regret not making things right, especially when it's so easy to do. All it will take is a little forgiveness.
"See you Zack," I called out as I headed for my car. "Lock up when you leave."
"Where the hell are you going?" he stood up and yelled.
"To Greensboro, to see the men that actually love me." Will loved me completely and unconditionally, while Joe's love was intense and fatuous. I knew one was slowly slipping away, and would eventually fizzle out. When it did, I'd be happy for Joe. I was certain we'd still be close friends. But the other, it was the real thing with no end in sight. In fact, how I felt about Will seemed to grow stronger every day.
I went to the law office to see Joe first, since he was the easiest.
"Knock, knock," I said when I tapped on his open office door.
"Lacy!" he exclaimed, and came out of his chair. "How are you? Sorry, that's a stupid question."
I let him hug me and didn't even try to let go right away.
"I'm sorry," he said against my ear. "About your mom and the cameras. I just … I wanted you and Will to work."
"So you let him watch me and you fuck without me knowing, because you thought that would be good for our relationship?"
"Stupid, I know. But since you're here talking to me without cursing, smacking, or throwing things at me, does that mean you forgive my dumbass?"
"Yes, apparently that's what we all need, every once in a while."
"Good," he said with an exhale. "Does this mean you forgive Will too?"
"Yes."
"Thank God," Joe said, holding me tighter. "I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too."
"Ooh and guess what!" he said excitedly, finally pulling away. "You're looking at the newly hired Assistant District Attorney."
"Really?" I asked, flashing my first smile in days. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks. I'm finishing out the month here, closing cases and reassigning the pending ones. I start working for the state on July first."
"Good for you. But what about Jess?"
"Well, I don't know how much you know about her father that died in prison about a year ago. Apparently he had a very large life insurance policy through his employer, and since Jess's mom is mentally incompetent, she and her brother were awarded it. It took a while for us to get all the paperwork submitted and make our way through the bureaucratic red tape, but it's done. Jess gets half now and her brother's half will go into a trust fund until he's eighteen."
"Wow."
"Yeah, it turns out that their piece of shit father was actually good for something. Now Jess can stay home with the twins until they go to school, which has made her ecstatic. She hated leaving them with a sitter all day."
"That's great."
"Yeah, it is. Oh and Will quit his job."
"What?" I asked.
"He quit. He's going to work for Dylan's dad as the head of their new IT department for all the breweries."
"I'm surprised he actually accepted," I said, then a terrible thought hit me. "Oh no! Did that change have anything to do with my dad?"
"Maybe. Just a little. Either way, it's what's best for him. He's better than being a regular old tech at GCC, and now he'll be the top dog, handling the networks for all the breweries, one of which is in Charlotte."
"Huh," I said neutrally, even though I was thrilled.
"He could make that one his headquarters … if someone asked him to."
I couldn't help my smile. "Well, it sounds like everything is working out. Except for one little thing."
"What's that?" Joe asked.
"Where's your happy ending?"
Joe gave me a wicked smile and I rolled my eyes.
"Get your dirty mind out of the gutter," I told him.
"Ah. Does this mean I'm losing my fuck buddy?" he asked with an exaggerated pout.
"Probably so. All the more reason for you to find a replacement. Maybe a petite little redhead?" I asked.
"I'm working on it," he said with a smile and a wink. "I'll have her swooning for me in no time."
I laughed, hoping he was right.
"How about just one more happy ending?" he asked, heat filling his eyes. "For old time's sake?"
My breath caught as pure, intense arousal filled my body from my head down to my toes for the first time in weeks. Noticing that I hadn't immediately declined, Joe walked over to close and lock his door. Then he was on me. Hands tangling in my hair, he pulled my mouth to his, kissing me with desperation and red hot passion.
"God, I'm going to miss you," he said when our lips broke apart just long enough for him to pull my shirt off.
"I'll miss you too," I told him, jerking his zipper down. "And this."
My jeans and panties were off a second later, and then he laid me on his desk. He took his time, kissing, feeling every inch of me. Worshiping me.
Finally, when I didn't think I could take anymore teasing, he wrapped my legs around his waist and entered me. His hands grasped my sides as he looked down at me while he fucked me so good. My back arched and I moaned at the incredible feeling of his hard length, filling me up and sending me flying.
After we both came he leaned down and crushed his lips to mine, our tongues seeking and hungry until he was ready to go again. Joe flipped me over like I weighed nothing, and then he was entering me from behind. Neither of us said a word as our bodies met and collided over and over again with his deep thrusts. Moans, groans and the smell of sex filled the air with our releases.
Collapsing against my back after it was sadly over much too soon, Joe kissed down my neck softly. God, I'm going to miss him. I don't know if I'm capable of letting him go, despite how much I loved Will.