All I Ever Wanted(77)

"Hey, dancing, music, and humor got me through a lot of stuff. And I tend to change up my hair when something is going on in my life."

"I would tell you try the red hair too, but you've already got a touch of that naturally."

"Then what's this conversation all about?"

"Bella, staying with the wrong person for whatever reason is toxic. Your father and I were a prime example. Hold those who bring out the best in you close and get rid of the rest!" She made a tossing motion over her head. "Anyone who doesn't make your life better doesn't deserve to be in it. I waited way too long for your father to make me happy." She tapped her chest. "You are in charge of your own happiness. I finally found that out."

"I'm afraid," Arabella admitted.

"Of what?"

"To put my trust in someone who can hurt me. You weren't the only one who trusted Dad. I did too. When he cheated on you, he was cheating on me too. As much as you argued, we were still a family and he betrayed me too. I used to listen to you cry, and even as a little kid, I told myself I'd never give someone that kind of power."

"And so you run."

"Yeah."

"Do you love Grady?"

"Yes." Arabella nodded. "But you must have loved Dad too."

"I did."

"And he failed to keep his promises. I hate promises, because you're setting yourself up to have them broken."

"Your father and I were ill-suited. You can love someone even if they aren't right for you." She smiled sadly. "Oddly, the things that attract you in the first place can be the very same things that drive you apart. We were opposites. He was outspoken, an extrovert. Handsome. He helped me come out of my shell, showered me with compliments. I fell head over heels for him. But I wasn't prepared or able to deal with his strong personality. As I said, we were ill-suited and made each other miserable. Unfortunately, you had to endure that too. And although I joke about Cynthia, I want your father to find happiness like I did with Joe." 

"I guess I understand. Life is so complicated. Relationships are hard."

"They can be. So, you came here to sort things out?"

Unable to find words, Arabella nodded.

"Do you want Grady in your life?"

"It's difficult to imagine life without him. But now that Heartbeat did the reunion   concert, I'm afraid-"

"That you'll get lost in the fray again?"

Arabella nodded. "It happened the night of the concert. It wasn't even Grady's fault, but I panicked. Bolted like the hounds of hell were after me." She reached for her wineglass. "He said they won't tour, but they're already talking about some concert dates and planning to record again. And Mom, I want them to. I don't want to come between Grady and the decisions he makes for Heartbeat. That's not fair either. What they do with Heartbeat will make a financial difference for the foundation. So what can I do?"

"There's a word that your father and I never learned."

"What?"

"Compromise."

"But I hold my independence dear. I've been so hesitant about needing someone." She put a fist to her chest. "I want to follow him everywhere. I really do. He's my top priority, and I've eliminated barriers in my life to clear that path. But I'm afraid of losing myself in the process. Does that make sense? How can I do both?"

"You can do both even though you might feel as if it's a contradiction. Ah, Arabella, listen, I'm the last of the baby boomers. You might find this hard to believe, but when I was a little girl, our future aspirations were rather limited. When someone would ask a little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up, the answers were to be a nurse, a teacher, a secretary, a stay-at-home mom, or something similar. All great careers, but still, we were limited in choices. You know, ‘girl things,' " she said with air quotes. "We weren't encouraged to go into science or law or finance or anything like that. It was still very much a man's world. And the sad thing is that when we finally started sneaking our way into the corporate world, we got paid less than men doing the same job!" she added with an angry swipe through the air. "Used to bug the tar out of me. I got passed over for promotions when I was more qualified just because I was a woman."

Arabella looked at her mother with surprise, seeing her through new eyes.

"And if that wasn't enough, stay-at-home moms started feuding with mothers who chose to go into the workforce." She shook her head. "Like we had to take sides!"

"Did you think of yourself as a feminist back then?"

Mindy leaned forward. "Secretly, yes," she said in a low voice. "Now, I wish I had been more outspoken. I've seen how hard women have fought for so much." She arched an eyebrow and pointed a finger at Arabella. "But women still have a way to go! Don't sit back and put it in cruise control. Okay? Keep this thing rolling," she said, and demonstrated with her fingers.