All I Ever Wanted(56)

"My baby."

"Granny tried to comfort me when I was inconsolable. And, God love her, she cried too. And you're right. The pain of not knowing, of never getting to hold the child growing inside me . . . your child." She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "Life is a lot more fragile than we realize. A lot of people take so much for granted."

"I know that far too well. Everything can change in an instant. Honestly, the only way we could carry on after they died was knowing that our parents wanted us to be happy. Being sad and in constant grief would have been the worst thing we could have done for their legacy. And so we carried on, holding one another up in the darkest of days. And even lately, when we'd been drifting apart, leave it to Mom to bring us back together."

"I guess we both have deep scars, Grady."

"Yeah, but we don't own pain. Loss. Everyone has their stories. The most important thing I've learned working with Mom's lupus foundation is how many other families suffered the same heartbreak, the same pain. Getting to know and interacting with families who have loved ones afflicted with such a misunderstood disease that's so damned difficult to diagnose or treat is tough. On the surface, symptoms of lupus can mirror those of so many other things." He blew out a long sigh. "It took a long time to figure out what was happening to Mom. And she was such a fighter, she would keep things hidden."

"I know how frustrated you were."

"And being away from her was torture."

Arabella nodded.

"When you say ‘lupus' to the average person, they usually give you a blank look. That's got to change."

"Honestly, I wouldn't have known much about it if it hadn't been for your mother."

"That's why part of the foundation money goes to helping families simply cope. Getting educated, even though there's still so much to learn about this mysterious disease. The scars on Seal's face and his hair loss were from a childhood battle with discoid lupus. Toni Braxton has it, and she's done a spectacular job of bringing awareness to it. Selena Gomez recently shed light on how the disease affected her life. Nick Cannon had kidney failure due to lupus. Lady Gaga's family has a history with the disease, and she's got some of the symptoms too. People poked fun at Michael Jackson for wearing hats and masks to avoid the sunlight, but he was diagnosed with lupus in the mid-1980s. This list goes on and on, Arabella."

"Wow, I didn't know that. Any of it, really."

"Yeah, lupus can strike anyone, male or female, from any walk of life. Baseball great Tim Raines has it. Famous model Mercedes Scelba-Shorte has become a spokesperson for lupus."

"Good for her."

"I know. We're finally starting to see some light shed on the mystery." Grady nodded. "People with lupus can die young and in the prime of their life," he said with a catch in his voice. "And living with it sucks. Can you imagine a damned disease that attacks your body? Your immune system?" He balled his fists in anger.


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"Your parents would be so proud of the work you're doing, Grady."

"Using Heartbeat's fame for something so worthwhile has definitely given substance, meaning to my life. Arabella, I was pretty damned lost for a few years."

"That's understandable."

"I miss my parents. Living in the house is hard sometimes. But so was living here. Without you. When you first came here I couldn't even come over and see you in this house even though I wanted to. I just couldn't."

"Then why are you pushing me away?"

"I'm not."

"It feels like it."

Grady took another step closer and cupped his hand over her cheek. "I think that we opened up old wounds. Not just for me, but for you too. In some ways, knowing what I know now, it's easier for me to understand why you ran that night. And then in other ways it"-he blew out a breath-"makes it even more, sad, I guess, is the word. Pointless."

"So what do we do?"

"Get through the concert, I guess, and then take it from there. Can you do that?"

Arabella looked over the sand dunes and stood silently for a few moments, making him worry. She ran her fingers up and down the stem of her wineglass.

"Arabella? Talk to me. Can you do that?"

"No. I'm sorry, Grady."

Grady felt panic grip his chest. "What do you mean?"

"That's what I used to do. Try to get through one concert at a time. I can't do that again."

"But this is only one concert, not a tour. This isn't a revival," he insisted. "You know that."