All I Ever Wanted(51)

Still in the bathroom, she heard Grady arrive. "Arabella?"

Her heart hammered and she couldn't stand up, couldn't find words.

"Bella?"

She heard him walking around, and he finally knocked on the door.

"Babe, are you in there?"

"Yes." She tried for a light response but her voice sounded like a croak. 

"Are you okay?"

Arabella cleared her throat and tried to pull herself together.

"Can I come in?"

"No!" she nearly shouted.

"You're scaring me. I don't care what you're doing, I'm coming in."

Arabella looked up from where she sat on the tile floor. The instructions, the box, and the results were scattered around her. His eyes widened as what she was doing registered. Another tear slipped out and she tried to speak.

"Are we going to have a baby?" Grady asked in a voice laced with emotion.

"No," she answered softly, and then squeezed her eyes shut.

"Oh, Bella." Grady sat down beside her and took her hand. "I guess I should feel relieved, but I kinda feel disappointed."

"Really?" Arabella looked at him, loving him even more than she already did. She gave him a wobbly smile.

Grady raised her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. "Were you worried that I'd be upset?"

Arabella shrugged, trying to rein in her emotion. "I don't know."

"How about you?" He tilted his head, waiting for her response.

"I guess, truly, I'm a little bit disappointed too." She nibbled on her bottom lip. "Not that I was trying to get pregnant! I wouldn't do that to you."

"I know that." He squeezed her hand. "So, you're sure?"

Arabella showed him the stick. "Yep."

Grady nodded. "What made you think that you could be?"

"Well, I had this super craving for tacos and because of the last time . . ." she said, and then stopped. She felt him stiffen beside her.

"Wait, the last time?"

"Oh, Grady . . ." Arabella said, trying not to tremble. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, trying to maintain her composure and failing miserably.

"Arabella, were you pregnant before?" he asked in a soft voice.

"Yes," she replied, and heard his sharp intake of breath. "The . . . the . . . night I found you with that girl."

"You were coming in to tell me you were pregnant?"

Unable to look at him, she nodded. "I'm so sorry."

Silence filled the room.

Finally she said, "Try to understand. I was so emotionally strung out already. You were in the middle of the tour and I wasn't sure how you would react . . . and well, then you know what I walked into."

"Except I was innocent," he said flatly.

"I freaked out."

"I know."

Silence.

"So, do I have a child?" he asked hesitantly.

"Oh, Grady." Arabella started to cry. "I . . . I . . . miscarried," she said in a broken tone. "Only eight weeks into the pregnancy." Sobs shook her whole body. She needed him to hug her but he didn't.

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Back then?"

"Yes."

Arabella gazed up at the ceiling and then mustered up the courage to look at Grady through a veil of tears. "I wouldn't have kept your child from you."


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He nodded but looked stricken, and she felt a flash of fear.

"Granny York was the only person who knew."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I was so young. Scared. And when I miscarried, I was . . . so destroyed for a long time." She swiped at tears with the sleeve of her shirt. "I wondered if there was something I'd done wrong. Something to cause . . ." she said, and then started crying harder. "And I was so mad at you."

"But I didn't deserve it."

"Don't you see? I didn't know that then. I thought that if you hadn't been with that girl and I hadn't been so upset . . ."

Grady frowned, and to Arabella's horror he brushed away his own tears. "God, you placed blame on me?"

"I placed blame on everything. I was an emotional hot mess. And of course I missed you. Needed you."

"You refused my calls," he said in a weary tone. "But you were able to grieve. And now I have to deal with . . . a loss I never knew I had. It was my baby too."

"I'm so sorry. But then you seemed to be with another girl at every turn." She shrugged. "And so I didn't see the point."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"