Her eyes lifted to mine and they were moist with unshed tears. My heart wilted. "I need to feel something other then desperation and fear. I just needed to feel alive."
Holy fuck. The words she spoke sent a torrent of terror through me. Olivia felt like that? My Olivia felt as though she was dying inside? I didn't think about my next move, I just made it. In only a few strides, I had her in my arms. Her face was pressed against my chest and her sobs rocked her frame. I rubbed gentle circles into her back because this was what I found soothed her. "I'm sorry." My voice came out raw. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way." And then a thought came to me. Did she feel like that today? Is that why she ran to him? Had I made her feel so desperate she needed to remember she was alive? "Why did you run to him today?"
She pulled away from me. Her brown eyes looked up into my face to study me and she frowned. "I've never run to Kyle, Jace." She placed a gentle hand on the side of my face and the pad of her thumb caressed the skin beneath my eye. "I went today because I was angry. I was so angry I was scared. I just wanted to be calmed by the speed. I needed it. I never want you to feel that you are the reason I need it. I need the speed because of me…because of my weakness."
"You're not weak." I said gruffly. There was so much emotion rolling around inside me…I didn't know what else to say.
"You're sweet."
I held her face in my hands and brought my lips to hers. She melted against me upon contact and I groaned involuntarily. I loved how responsive she was to me. It only added to the preposterous belief that she was…in some screwed up way…made for me.
Her lips moved against mine, slowly at first, and then there was a hunger in her kiss that drove me to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer into my chest. With her heart pounding against mine in perfect sync, I felt as though I had found my place. For the first time in my life, I found someone who resides on the same frequency as me. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. There is no letting her go after this. She is mine, whether she knows it or not. She is mine.
I pulled away and she gasped for breath. I could admit this wasn't my original approach, but I had to ask. "You know I would do anything for you, right?"
She cocked her head. "I think so."
"I would, Olivia." I said adamantly, slipping my finger under her chin to force her to look up at me when she tried to look away. "I would do anything. I want you happy. I care about your happiness more then I care about anything else. Can you promise me something?"
Her eyes narrowed but they maintained contact with mine. "I don't know."
"Will you come to me when you need to feel the speed? Will you let me be the one who calms you and gives you everything you need?"
"Why Jace?" She shook her head and I knew she was uncomfortable. "I like riding with Kyle. There is nothing holding me to him. There are no responsibilities. It's why I go with him."
I felt my heart grow heavy in my chest. "Damn it, I just want you rely on me for your happiness."
She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I can't, Jace."
"Why?"
"Because I can't take the risk of relying on you for so much and having you leave me. I was crushed when you walked away and I was the one who told you to go. I could barely find the desire to get myself up out of bed…and the funny thing is that I wasn't even sleeping. I can't make you my entire life and hurt ten times more when you leave again."
"I'm not leaving, Olivia." I was frustrated that it kept coming back to that one moment. If I had known this was where we would be when I obliged her wished that night, I would have forced her to let me stay. I never would have walked away the way I did. I would have immersed myself in her life. Fuck, I never would have left!
Her smile was sad. "You don't know this, Jace. You don't know what our future holds."
"But I do." I dragged a hand through my hair. "You're my future. Damn it, I only want you."
"Right now." She sighed and turned her back to me. "Jace, I'm your sex slave. Nothing more."
***
He needed to know where this sudden need for me was coming from. I had read about this online in the many times I'd researched sadomasochism. The dominant, in this situation was Jace, would eventually come to need his submissive, me. The need would border on obsessive possessive. It was difficult to see this and know where it stemmed and why, because Jace was always obsessive possessive…especially over me. But he'd never acted so desperate the way he was now. This was because he believed he had me as his submissive. Although I read about it taking much longer for the dominant to grow so dependent on his submissive, I believed my constant need to fight his dominance was egging him to need my submission that much more. So that was what I would give him. I would give him all of me. I would shed my pride. I would clamp my teeth down on my inner independence and I would allow him this moment to rule in the way he needed. I would do this, because I loved him.