Kyle rocked back on his heels, bringing me back down to reality. "You're seeing Jace Rush again?"
I nodded and fought the urge to wince. "I am."
"All right, Kid." He sighed. "It's your choice. But, I just didn't like seeing you the way you were the last few weeks, ya know?"
"I know, Kyle." I nodded. "I'm happy now though."
He chuckled half-heartedly, running a hand over his bald head. "If you're happy - why are you here?"
"Because I will always love this speed. It will always help me when my anger or anxiety becomes too much." I shrugged. "Some people like yoga. I like this."
He grinned. "You're my kinda girl." He thumbed in the direction of the track. "Let's get out there."
"Really?" I sighed in relief. I hadn't called and I didn't know if it would be free and open. Kyle told me to call anytime and so long as he was here and there was no one else on the track he would take me out. Thankfully he didn't make me pay or I would be broke!
"Yes, really kid." He started walking and I followed.
***
I sat in the passenger seat of the familiar blue Nissan GT-R and swallowed my swollen heart. It was up in my throat. But it always was right before Kyle was about to take off. My palms were moist and I wiped them down on my skirt. Kyle looked across the car at me and grinned. He waggled his brows and I knew we were about to take off. I set my eyes on the road ahead. The engine revved and we took off. My back pushed flush against the leather seat and my stomach tightened. The car climbed gears and the speedometer was close to redlining. For the first time since driving, I closed my eyes and just let myself feel the speed. The rush of the car splicing through the air at killer speeds. It was fantastic and so completely peaceful. There was nothing that could compete. It was exhilarating.
The tires turned, the tread catching the pebbles in the road. My heart beat faster in my chest, a painful high-strung melody of pulses I reveled in. I knew I was safe with Kyle's hands on the wheel. I knew I was safe with Kyle controlling the car. So, why couldn't I accept the idea of Jace controlling my life when I found it so easy for Kyle to take me on a walk along death's pathway? Why did it frighten me so very bad that I might decide to give Jace that power over me?
I didn't know. I just didn't know. Jace was everything I wanted, of that I was certain. But he frightened me none-the-less. He had the power to not only control me. He had the power to make me and he had the power to break me. Everything he was terrified me, pushing me to the brink of insanity.
The engine whined as it came down off it's elating high and I opened my eyes. Kyle was looking over at me with a look of thought on his face. I felt my skin tingle with the formations of a blush.
"You closed your eyes."
"I did." I nodded and tried to ignore the way my ears burned.
"You've never been able to trust enough to close your eyes." He pointed out as the car rolled to a stop.
"Thanks for stating the obvious," I joked.
"I'm serious, Olivia. One of your greatest faults is your inability to trust in anything or anyone, yourself included. Even things like this, being a passenger in this car and needing to watch the road as though it gives you some semblance of control - when it truly doesn't is your way of grappling for control over your life. What is it you fear so much that you can't let go and trust?"
Wow. That hit home. Kyle was usually a man of very few words. So this came as a surprise and for a moment I was rendered completely speechless. When I found my voice, all I could utter was, "I don't know."
"You do know, Olivia." He nodded more to himself then to me. "We all know our own demons. It's facing them that's hard."
I shivered. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You do." He said simply. "And one day, although clearly not today, you will be ready to admit that."
This was uncomfortable. "I should get going."
"Olivia?" Kyle called as I opened the door. "Be careful with Jace. He's protective of what he loves. But he is also dangerous to those who stand in the way of something he wants. I like the guy, but I also know him better then you might think."
"I'll be careful, Kyle." I smiled. "I'll see you again soon." I promised and I had a feeling I would. I didn't see Jace calming his control freak issues any time soon. And I was certain I would need my outlet. I just hoped he never found out where I went. For some reason, I didn't think Jace would be all too happy if he knew I went gallivanting across New York to Kyle for release. But it was where I felt I could breathe when no other place would do. I needed this. I would just have to keep it to myself.