“I want to ask you something Lexi, it’s about what happened on the beach.” He says as he continues to look into my eyes. “Okay…” I say nervously.
“You kinda scared me baby, I’ve never seen you so angry before and the way you spoke and raised your voice? It was…like… you...had Alpha in you. I can’t explain it. It was strange and your eyes... they were glowing. Drake doesn’t submit easily, even to me and I’m going to be his Alpha but when you yelled and your eyes started changing…he submitted. Do you know why that happened Lexi?” Jax asks me as he looks down at my hair in his fingers avoiding my gaze.
I can’t tell them about the fact that I can heal or better yet that I just discovered that I can also cause harm, I don’t know why all this is happening to me and the less people that know about it... the better.
“I was so angry Jax; I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry in my life. I though Drake slept with her and I just felt so disgusted because we were intimate the evening I came back. I guess I was under the impression he hooked up with her then he was trying to get with me. I was embarrassed and shocked and you know my eyes tend to change colour but it most probably just looked extra shiny because of the huge bonfire.” I try and explain to him.
I look up to meet his eyes and see pain covering his face, I instantly know why that look was there, I just told him I was intimate with Drake.
Fuck…
“What do you mean you were intimate with him?” Jax says clearing his throat and avoiding the rest of my explanation.
“We never had sex Jax.” I say avoiding the glare his perfect emerald eyes are giving me.
“And that’s okay?” his tone changes and his voice deepens. “You wana know how many girls I’ve been with since I’ve met you? NONE! I know we aren’t together but seriously Lexi, do you honestly think I’m going to stick around while you shack up with him? Is it that hard for you to fucking keep your legs closed?” he runs his hands through his hair as he sits on the side of the bed looking away from me, I don’t know what to say or do while he goes on with his mean rant.
“I’m done waiting for you Lexi while you act like a slut with him.” Jax says harshly, sitting up with his legs over the side of the bed.
I can’t believe he just said that, he’s never been that mean to me, ever. I close the magazine, sit up and wipe the tears from my face, his eyes widen when he see’s my face. His angry face instantly looks regretful as he frowns.
“Lexi…fuck…wait…” he says looking back to me running his hands through his hair.
I don’t say anything as I make my way out of his room ignoring him as he calls my name.
Even though what he said hurt me deeply…it was all true. I was acting like a slut, getting intimate with Drake sexually and getting intimate with Jax in a completely other way. This is not me, I’m not this person who strings guys along as if it’s some sick game and I sure as hell never acted this way before. What the fuck is wrong with me! I know I want Jax but I need Drake too.
I’m just not sure who I need more…
CHAPTER 29:
It’s my last day in Point Bright, tomorrow I move back to Alex and Johnny’s. Avoiding Jax these last couple of days has been horrible and I’ve also been avoiding Drakes sexual attempts, I know he's probably horny as hell because he’s constantly touching me and passing sexy comments. He’s also become more possessive, wanting to rip apart any of the guys that look at me wrong.
The others obviously see the tension between Jax and I because we don’t talk to each other and we don’t spend as much time with each other like we used to, but no one has mentioned anything to me about it and I’m thankful because I’m not sure what could even be said. What he said to me was horrible but true and I’ve just been too ashamed to face him.
These past few days that I haven’t had contact with him have been driving me insane, I’m miserable and constantly sad, Drake hasn’t noticed because I’m good at hiding it but Ronny asked me about it a couple of days ago and I just said that I was going to miss them. I guess that was true, I haven’t seen Jax around so I guess he was probably making good on his word about not waiting around for me anymore.
Guess I can’t really blame him…
It’s killing me knowing that Jax is probably sleeping with other girls because of my stupidity and because I was such a coward not telling him how I felt about him and not letting Drake know about how strongly I felt for Jax. I know I have no right to be jealous and I definitely don’t have the right to be selfish and expect him not to be with other girls when I have a boyfriend. Even though I know I have no right, I am jealous and I want to be selfish.