Alexia Eden (FairyTales Don't Exist)(60)

"I have a fake ID, let's get something strong; it should take the edge off right?" Chloe suggests.

I don't even want to know where she got the fake ID from. I usually stay  away from alcohol just because of what Georgina went through but if it  numbs the pain I'm feeling right now then I'll take it … I'll take  anything.

She leads me out of the bathroom with my arm linked with hers as she  orders a tray of shots for us. We head to the other side of the deck  where our friends can't see us and sit by a tall bar table that's in the  corner. Its peaceful out here with Chloe, she places the tray down and  it has a dozen different types of shots.

"I don't think this is actually a good idea, especially with you taking pain medicine." Chloe says.

"No this is a great idea, the best idea! The medicine is worn off  already and I haven't taken it again after this morning." I pick up the  shot of tequila and tap it against hers as I down it. It burns all the  way down but I continue onto the next five shots. After finishing the  fifth one my head is tingly and I have certainly succeeded in numbing  the pain.

"Shit this totally worked! I'm all numb apart from the tingles." I say really smiling at Chloe for the first time today.

She laughs at me, "Guess that took the edge off for both of us. I was  about to take my butter knife and stab those idiots. Jerks!" I giggle  softly.

"What are you guys doing here?" Rachel says smiling at us, she takes one  look at the shot glasses on the round metal table and laughs.

"Chloe! You got her drunk! Without me?" Rachel declares dramatically.

"Hey! If that was Mark in there doing that, you would be here too! And  I'm NOT drunk , just a lil tipsy." I giggle using my thumb and index  finger to show her my level of drunkenness.

"Here, take my glass of water and drink that before we head back to the  table. Don't worry, Ronny already tore those two a new one for acting  like dicks toward you. They seem really upset the way they handled  things." Rachel says handing me her water. "Are you okay Lexi, you're  very quiet tonight? You don't seem like yourself?"

Chloe speaks on my behalf, "You know how the distance thing causes  strain in a relationship, and it's just that." I continue to down the  water.

I guess that is partly true.

We head to the table and even though I'm a little buzzed I'm able to  walk in a straight line without stumbling and right now my entire body  is numb. I really don't want to go back to the table but I don't have a  choice. At the table the mood seems to have lightened, I don't say a  word as Chloe and I get to our seat. I make sure that when I pull the  chair in I scoot a little away from Drake. Chloe stumbles as she finds  her way to her chair and I hold in my laugh.

"Are you drunk Chloe?" Ronny says looking amused.

Chloe looks at me and winks. I let out a giggle and cover my mouth with  both hands. Ronny smiles at me and I'm still giggling as everyone  continues to look at me.

"You're also dru-" Ronny stops short as she stares at my hands that  cover my mouth, I look at everyone and they're all staring at my hands,  including Jax who's has a frown on his face and Drake who looks  remorseful.

I pull my hands away from my mouth and look down at them, my sweater has  risen up and the bandages the Chloe wrapped around my wrists are  showing, blood has stained through them now in places. My smile drops  and the shock sobers me up immediately, I rapidly pull my sleeves down  then make sure my scarf is in place and my hair covers any cuts near my  hairline.

"I'm sorry about what I said Ba … Lexi, you know I didn't mean it right." Jax says sadly almost calling me baby.

"Me too babe, you know I'm not really going to call that chick. I'm  sorry I was acting like a tool. You don't deserve that." Drake says  looking down at me. I avoid both of their gazes as I turn my eyes to the  ocean again and say numbly, "You don't have to apologize …  I deserve  it." I feel Drake tense beside me as I repeat the words he told me last  night while he was "disciplining me".

"No you don't deserve that! Don't ever say that Lexi." Ronny scolds, I look at her blankly and nod.

Drake tries to move his hand again into my lap and he tries to lace our  fingers together but I can't touch him right now. I quickly move my hand  away from his and I see from the corner of my eye him flinch at my  reaction as if I just slapped him.         

     



 

"Can you take me home Ron, I'm not really hungry and I don't want to  ruin the rest of their evening." I get up and walk away without waiting  for an answer.

I find Ronny's car and stand near it hoping she will come out sooner or  later. I walk near the sidewalk that leads to the beach and look out at  the beautiful sea when a large hand wraps around my hand gently. I  cringe and step backwards away from whoever it is.

"I'm sorry Lexi! I'm sorry for everything I've done. Please forgive me."  Jax begs me. I turn my eyes back to the sea. "I already told you … you  don't have to apologize Jackson." I say curtly using his full name.

"No don't say that you deserved what I said and the way I've been  treating you because you don't! I was being a dick … I thought it would be  easier if I pushed you away." He says.

"Yeah well, guess you did make it easier by pushing me away. You made it  easier for both of us. Forget about me, find someone that is perfect,  beautiful and everything you ever wanted, someone that isn't me Jax." I  say vacantly staring back out into the darkness.

"Baby please … I'm sorry …  what happened to you? Why do you seem … . so …  empty?" he says miserably.

"That's because I am … " I turn and walk towards Ronny's car where I see her and Chloe.

I don't look back as we drive away and Ronny doesn't say a word to me  until it's time to say goodbye. We say our goodbyes and Chloe is  reluctant to leave me alone but I reassure her that I need to be alone.

I walk into the house and walk straight into the bathroom. I strip out  of my clothes and unwrap the bandages on my wrists. I feel disgusting  and I can't even look at myself in the mirror so I place a towel over  it.

I put the shower on above me but don't put the plug in as I sit in the  tub with the boiling water splashing on my battered skin the burning of  the hot water against my cuts hurts but it's the only way I can feel  clean. I rest my cheek on my folded arms over the side of the tub as I  stare at the bloodied bandages on the floor, I lift my one hand and  stare at the wound that Drake's belt caused  … it wraps around my entire  wrist like a perfect pink ribbon, I continue to repeat over and over … I  love him. I deserved everything I got for betraying him.

I don't notice Drake leaning against the doorway because I've been so  focused on my wrist, I turn and look at his red sneakers then turn back  to look at my wrist ignoring his presence even though on the inside I'm  terrified there may be a repeat of last night.





CHAPTER 36:


JAX POV

I haven't been myself since that night when Lexi saw that girl walk out  of my room, she looked heartbroken and it killed me. It looked bad but I  never slept with her, I tried, really hard … but I couldn't get Lexi's  beautiful face out of my head and I felt disgusting when the girl  started touching me.

When I saw Lexi crying on the floor in the dark kitchen, it broke my  heart. Then she told me that she loved me and inside I was so happy that  I just wanted to take her right there and mark her but I could never do  that.

Lexi is so small and weak, I know deep down that I would never be able  to mark her because she would never survive the turn, especially if an  Alpha marked her; she is just not strong enough. I thought that there  was some chance that she was a wolf and that she was just weak that's  why she didn't smell like a wolf but when we found out that Georgina  wasn't her mother, I knew that Lexi was human after all. I thought I  would be okay with it and I still wanted to be with her but after she  mentioned her being intimate with Drake I lost it.

She had such a miserable look in her eyes as I just stood there after  she just admitted to loving me and how guilty she felt when she was  intimate with Drake. I knew I should have said something to her but I  knew I couldn't tell her how much I truly love her. I couldn't betray  Drake like that if she decided to leave him for me but after seeing her  tonight I know I made the biggest mistake of my life by not telling her  how much I love her when I had the chance.

These two weeks that I haven't had contact with her have been horrible. I  miss her terribly and I battle to sleep because she is the only thing  on my mind … .I thought I was doing what was best for us.

I was so excited to see her tonight at the restaurant although I was  nervous that she wouldn't want to see me and even if she ignored me the  entire evening at least I would be able to see her and be around her.