“Yeah yeah.” I say jumping off the front of the car putting my IPod in my back pocket, I should probably help, not that we have much to move in but whatever right.
Walking into the house, first thing I notice is the shit green colour wall paper; I pray to all that’s Holy that this doesn’t cover all the walls. Walking through the open plan kitchen and lounge area I stride down the passage. I see two doors on my right and at the end of the passage is a door leading outside with another door to its left. Opening the first door I see the bathroom, “Gross...holy shit!” I mutter out loud looking at the state of the bathroom, I don’t have OCD or anything it’s just that I like my shit clean and organized.
I quickly shut that door and turn to the next one, I spot my soon to be room, moms already put my box of frames and ornaments on the bed. I sit down on the bed facing the big window that looks out into the open grass area that leads to the forest then look around my new room. It’s actually rather large, I have a double bed with two small white bedside tables on each side, obviously the furniture is worn and dusty but it’s perfect for me. There’s a chair seated in the corner near the window with a set of wooden drawers. I open the box and look at the frames of my friends and I.
Smiling to myself I think of the girl I use to be, I was so happy, innocent and so terribly naïve. I had lots of friends and my fair share of boyfriends, I tend to get along better with the boys than with the girls but that’s probably due to being brought up in a gym house surrounded by guys. My previous relationships with boys never lasted long and I suppose I never had a real connection with any of them but I was still friends with my exes after we broke up.
Besides... we always broke up on good terms and as I got older it was kinda always for the same reason, I wasn’t ready to give up my V card yet. I told them they should find girls that could make them happy and give them want they want and it wasn’t like I was in a serious relationship with any of them to begin with. Of course I was jealous when I would see them with other girls the day after we broke up but back then I was a different girl.
When I decided that it was easier to switch off my emotions, to withdraw from anything that was the girl I used to be before life threw me that huge curve-ball I lost friends, one by one, eventually sitting alone in the library during lunch reading fantasy books that would always end in happily ever after. I stopped dressing like a Barbie and started wearing darker clothes, I got my tongue, nose and belly pierced and the only person that I wanted to notice me or acknowledge me didn’t. Mom didn’t notice the changes most of the time – so I did one better and got a few tattoos to add to my canvas. Dam straight she noticed then!
It wasn’t that I was an emo, a punk or whatever you wanna call it, I just felt that the darker the clothes the more I would be able to hide in the shadows and not be noticed. In the beginning I held my two best friends close but they could never understand what I was going through or what I was dealing with at home and after I changed, they changed.
My focus was on school and achieving good enough grades so that I could get a full scholarship to college in order for me to get the hell out of here. Dad left me money but I would only be able to use it once I turned twenty one, so if I wanted to get into a good college I had to focus on getting a scholarship. I also tried to keep myself busy and focused so that my mind wouldn’t drift to the shit I was going through at home. I didn’t have time for boys, I didn’t want what my mother had, and I never wanted to go through losing someone you love and having to deal with the aftermath like she did. In order for me to avoid any future hurt I forced myself to stay away from anything and anyone that I could become emotionally attached to and ultimately never loving anyone other the only person I had left, my mother.
Still looking at a photo of my two best friends Annie, Jenny and I at the beach with our big sunnies on, I remember the polka dot pink and white bikini. I looked so happy in the photo, not a care in the world and even though we weren’t blood related, those two girls were my sisters. Little did I know that when I decided to change my appearance or focus on school, they would be the first ones to start rumors and pass comments about me to the entire High School. Just because I didn’t fit their high standards and wasn’t part of the “Barbie Clique” I was cast a misfit.
“Well fuck you guys…” I whisper as I throw the frame into the trash can near my drawers, I notice my mom leaning on the door frame looking at me.
“Hey! What’s wrong with that photo? It’s one of my favorites, you looked so pretty.” she says picking up the frame from the bin.