CHAPTER 38:
Even through the sound of thundering and the loud drops of rain against the ground and water I still immediately know when Jax finds me. I hear him as he climbs onto the boulder and heads over to me, he ignores my protests when I push him away but he pulls me closer to his chest. Before, his touch would be able to calm me but all I can think of now is what would Drake think if he saw this, I don’t want to be touched by anyone… I guess this is what Drake’s wolf wanted in the first place. He beat me into being too afraid to seek comfort from any other male but him.
Chloe doesn’t understand…no one does. They don’t understand why I’m not running for the hills after what Drake did to me. They don’t understand that he was the first one to comfort me and make me whole again when I arrived here…even if it was him who broke me in the end… I love Drake more than I should, I know that, I’m not afraid of Drake, I’m afraid of his wolf and what his wolf could do to me when he’s angry. Of course I’m upset that Drake wasn’t strong enough to control his wolf but I saw how it hurt him to see and think of what he did to me. Chloe and the others don’t know the full story about what else I’ve been hiding from them and what I've done behind Drakes back, how I’ve acted with the twins and Jax while Drake has been loyal to me the entire time.
I need Drake …I didn’t know it then but I know it now. Everything seems crystal clear now but I know as soon as I see the twins I will start revaluating all these feelings. I know deep down that I love Jax and I most probably always will but he would never be able to love me the same way and I guess this is why I’m backing away from him and trying to keep my distance.
“Why didn’t you tell me? You should have come to me and I would have helped you!” He sounds hurt.
“I knew something was wrong last night, you were so distant…fuck Lexi! I should have been there for you! This is why this whole wolf and human thing will never work out! We have impulsive tempers and when our wolf is angry, it's hard to control them. Drake’s wolf is out of control baby. He was before you came, we thought you would be able to calm him and you did…in the beginning. We didn’t think his possessiveness of you would take it this far. You need to stay away from him.” Jax says holding me firmly in his arms but as soon as I think of being away from Drake permanently I start to panic.
I push away from Jax, “No Jax you don’t know anything! I knew what I was getting into when he told me he was a wolf. I stayed with him and I won’t lose him, this was all Sebastian’s fault not Drakes! Drake loves me Jax, HE… loves… ME! I don’t care what you think you know, you don’t know whats going on between us. I’ve lost too much already Jax…I can’t lose Drake too. I just can’t…” I start to cry again and he reaches for me but I move away from him, I climb down the slippery rock.
“Let me help you Lexi, just stay with me and let me look after you…please!” Jax shouts after me in a gruff voice that sounds like he is close to tears. I turn to look at him as I say these last words.
“No Jax, you are not my knight in shining armor anymore, I don’t need you to rescue me and save the day….it’s too late to save me.” I turn back and head down the path back to my trailer. My body is cold and aching, I want to have a hot shower and leave this place.
I sit on the corner of my bed after having a shower and attempt to summon the energy within me to heal myself. I stare at my hand as I start to feel the tingly sensation in my eyes and then my fingertips start to glow, the little orbs dance on my hand but fizzle out all to soon leaving me exhausted, I’m too weak. I repack my duffel bag and head out the door, thankfully Drake brought my car back.
Driving to Alex I put the music on loud enough so I can’t focus on all the memories running through my head. It’s dark outside by the time I reach the pack house. I spot Alex sitting on the porch under a blanket with a book in her hand. She immediately looks in my direction when I drive up, I know she doesn’t expect to see me home so soon but she has a brilliant smile on her face.
I rapidly put the hood over my head as I run through the rain up the porch.
“Hey Hun, what are you doing back so early?” Alex asks me gesturing for me to give her a hug. I'm reluctant to be touched by anyone but I don’t want her to see my hesitance. I step closer to hug her but I don’t take the hood of my jacket from my head, my face has a few bruises and a couple healing scratches. I tried to heal myself again in the bathroom when I stopped at the gas station but the bruises on my body only slightly lightened and the pain I felt after was worse than what it was before I attempted to heal myself so I would rather just heal the natural way.