We get to the restaurant and as I stop, I see her open the door, I watch her as she panics as she tries to get out of the car because she’s clearly in pain, I really want to help her but as I lean forward she hastily gets out and moves away from me afraid.
I don't know what I was thinking when I flirted with the waitress, I wanted to make her jealous and see if I could get a reaction out of her that indicated that she still loved me after what I did. I watch her turn around facing the view as she wiped a few tears away and I knew then that of course she still loved me even after the shit I put her through, that’s the way Lexi is. I just keep making things worse. I had no excuse this time because I was in control of my body and the actions I made were all mine.
When I saw the blood stained bandages on her wrists I instantly knew what caused it. Then she repeated the words my wolf told her last night while he destroyed my beautiful girl, “You don’t have to apologize… I deserved it.”
He made her think that she deserved everything he did. I could hear Sebastian howling within me but I wasn’t going to let him loose from the cage I stuck him in. I couldn’t let him hurt her again.
After she left with Ronny I immediately went home, I had to sort my shit out and talk to her...she needs to forgive me, I want my Lexi back.
I drop my car off and walk to Lexi’s trailer. I climb in through her window and instantly hear the shower on so I know she’s in there. I can’t stand to look at the bed with the blood stain on it, I try clean away the blood with cleaning detergent but the stain remains so I flip the mattress over so the blood is hidden. I go to the passage cupboard looking for linen and the cupboard is stocked with clean bedding, I make the bed for her before I walk to the bathroom.
I hear Lexi’s sweet voice as she mumbles the same thing over and over, I can't tell what she’s saying. I lean on the bathroom and watch her, she’s sitting naked under the shower as steam fills the bathroom, I notice the towel covering the mirror too. She sits with her arms folded over the side of the tub, her cheek leaning on her one bruised arm as she stares distantly at her wrist that has a clear cut around it. Her body is black and blue and her face is emotionless, her once beautiful blue green eyes are now a dull grey void of any colour as she repeats over and over “I love him. I deserved everything I got for betraying him...“
What have I done? I feel a tear slip from my eye.
She looks over to my shoes then looks back at her wrist as if I’m not even standing there and it hurts deeply.
I walk slowly toward her, I watch as her body tenses and her mumbling stops. She looks at me from the corner of her eyes as I switch the boiling water off, her skin looks raw as I pull a towel from the rack. Her back and bottom has welting and a few cuts from the thin belt I used to hurt her. I swallow the tears.
I bend down to her level and look at her broken face, her heavy makeup she was wearing is running down her cheeks and the bruises I’ve caused are now displayed.
I raise my hand to wipe the hair out of her face but she cringes away from my hand and whimpers.
It hurts that she doesn’t want me to touch her but I need to show her that I’m not going to hurt her and that I want to take care of her. I try again and she freezes, I pull her head to my chest as I kneel and lean over the bath, her hair makes my shirt wet but I don’t care. I move the hair out of her face, then kiss her head and she relaxes slightly under my touch.
I use the tip of the towel as I wipe away the make-up gently from her face, she doesn’t look me in my eyes once, she closes her eyes and lets me clean her face. The bruises and scratches are no longer hidden and the evidence of what I did to her is all over her body. I lift her up out of the bath and she lets out a cry of pain and I cringe.
I wrap the towel around her shivering body. Then pick her up again and carry her to the room, she remains tense as I carry her it’s as if she doesn’t want to be touched by me and I understand.
I get her some warm clothes then help her dry herself, even though I can tell she doesn’t want my help she doesn’t say one word to me. She turns and places her underwear on, then drops her towel as she places her bra on. I spot a large bruise on the side of her ribs, my footprint. I break down, I sit on her bed and weep like a little girl, I can tell she’s watching me as she continues to get dressed so I cover my face with my hands to try to muffle the cries but my whole body is shaking.
“You did this to her! You broke her and now I’m left to pick up the pieces. She must hate me. How could you hurt her like that! I fucking hate you for what you’ve done to my girl, I swear if she leaves us, I will never let you run free again…you will never see the light of day!” I shout at the wolf within me as I hear him cry as he too see’s the after effects of what he’s done to her.