I quickly rush up to her as I watch her near the sidewalk staring at the blackness of the ocean in the night. I reach for her hand and she winces at my touch and moves away as if I might hurt her.
I apologize again asking her for forgiveness, I practically beg her. I'm standing there waiting for some kind of reaction from her but she gives me nothing. This is very unlike Lexi and she’s never been this...hollow...before.
She says, “Yeah, well guess you did make it easier by pushing me away. You made it easier for both of us. Forget about me, find someone that is perfect, beautiful and everything you ever wanted…someone…that isn’t me Jax.”
Doesn’t she think she’s good enough for me? She is too good for me that’s why I did this. I could never get over her.
“Baby please, I’m sorry… what happened to you? Why do you seem….so…empty?” I say almost breaking into a sob not caring if I showed these weak emotions.
“That’s because I am…” These are the last words I expect to hear from her mouth before she walks away leaving my wolf howling in pain within me.
CHAPTER 37:
DRAKE POV
I walk out of her house with my wolf still in control. He went too far this time and he knows it. As he looked at her battered small body lying on the bed in her own blood, he howled in pain. He didn’t mean for it to go that far and he was going to mark her but he wasn’t sure she would survive the turning process.
I’ve shut him out completely now and even though I can hear him begging me to let my walls down, I can’t let him hurt her again. I don’t think she will ever forgive me for what I did to her and I don’t expect her to. I whipped her like an animal...she fought so hard against me but eventually she gave up and lay there as I shattered her fragile body.
My wolf destroyed her, he was completely in control of my body while I watched him break her, I wasn’t strong enough to take back control. She just lay there...
After dropping my car off at the house I showered and threw all the clothes I previously wore away including my leather belt that was covered in her blood. I went back to Lexi’s, I tiptoed to her room, it wasn’t too dark but with my heightened senses I was able to see her clearly. She lay in the exact same spot I left her, her eyes staring at the curtains I closed. Her face bloody and bruised, her one eye was almost swollen shut as she continued to look at the curtains, there was no emotion on her face....I have completely broken her.
She doesn’t even realize I'm standing watching her because she is in such a daze. I want to just run to her, hold her and tell her how sorry I am but I know that will only do worse, she was so scared of me last night.
I rush out her back door as I throw up in the bush as the images of what I put her through last night flood my memory. I'm so disgusted in myself. I walk to the fountain in the woods and sit on the big rock, I fold my legs to my chest and I cry.
What I did to her last night is unforgiveable, the horror I put her through because I couldn’t control my wolf...I’m a monster.
She deserves someone better but I’m too selfish to let her get away. She can’t leave me, I won’t let her.
I wipe the tears away, I go back into her house and take her keys. I don’t want her leaving without giving me a chance to talk to her but I’m going to give her time and speak to her tonight. I drive her car up to the pack house and park it by the barn.
I reach school a little late and I’m distracted throughout the day. I arrive at Lexi’s house that evening and see her lying on the bed in the same spot. She is dressed in large baggy clothes, now staring out the open window. Her room is now clean, her bedding all gone but I can still see the dried blood stains on the bare mattress where she lies. I swallow down the hurt I feel for her. I pick out her clothes and throw them on the bed, she whimpers when the clothes hit the bed and I wince at the fact that she is afraid of me. Before leaving the room I take her phone just in case she calls someone to fetch her, I forgot to take it in the morning.
She comes out of the room, her face hides any evidence of the torture I put her through the previous night and I don’t know how she got all the swelling to fade. She walks straight to the car and waits for me, I notice she is very jumpy and I can see she is trying very hard to walk straight but I notice her limping.
I need to know she loves me. I know she does but I need to hear it so I make her.
She struggles to get in the car but eventually gets comfortable; I see her wince as I close the door.
When I put her seat belt on her, she held her breath and closed her eyes as if I would hurt her again. The entire drive she was staring vacantly out the window until I put my hand on her leg, she whimpered but never looked at me.