“No this is a great idea, the best idea! The medicine is worn off already and I haven't taken it again after this morning.” I pick up the shot of tequila and tap it against hers as I down it. It burns all the way down but I continue onto the next five shots. After finishing the fifth one my head is tingly and I have certainly succeeded in numbing the pain.
“Shit this totally worked! I’m all numb apart from the tingles.” I say really smiling at Chloe for the first time today.
She laughs at me, “Guess that took the edge off for both of us. I was about to take my butter knife and stab those idiots. Jerks!” I giggle softly.
“What are you guys doing here?” Rachel says smiling at us, she takes one look at the shot glasses on the round metal table and laughs.
“Chloe! You got her drunk! Without me?” Rachel declares dramatically.
“Hey! If that was Mark in there doing that, you would be here too! And I’m NOT drunk , just a lil tipsy.” I giggle using my thumb and index finger to show her my level of drunkenness.
“Here, take my glass of water and drink that before we head back to the table. Don’t worry, Ronny already tore those two a new one for acting like dicks toward you. They seem really upset the way they handled things.” Rachel says handing me her water. “Are you okay Lexi, you’re very quiet tonight? You don’t seem like yourself?”
Chloe speaks on my behalf, “You know how the distance thing causes strain in a relationship, and it’s just that.” I continue to down the water.
I guess that is partly true.
We head to the table and even though I’m a little buzzed I'm able to walk in a straight line without stumbling and right now my entire body is numb. I really don’t want to go back to the table but I don’t have a choice. At the table the mood seems to have lightened, I don’t say a word as Chloe and I get to our seat. I make sure that when I pull the chair in I scoot a little away from Drake. Chloe stumbles as she finds her way to her chair and I hold in my laugh.
“Are you drunk Chloe?” Ronny says looking amused.
Chloe looks at me and winks. I let out a giggle and cover my mouth with both hands. Ronny smiles at me and I'm still giggling as everyone continues to look at me.
“You’re also dru-” Ronny stops short as she stares at my hands that cover my mouth, I look at everyone and they’re all staring at my hands, including Jax who's has a frown on his face and Drake who looks remorseful.
I pull my hands away from my mouth and look down at them, my sweater has risen up and the bandages the Chloe wrapped around my wrists are showing, blood has stained through them now in places. My smile drops and the shock sobers me up immediately, I rapidly pull my sleeves down then make sure my scarf is in place and my hair covers any cuts near my hairline.
“I’m sorry about what I said Ba…Lexi, you know I didn’t mean it right.” Jax says sadly almost calling me baby.
“Me too babe, you know I’m not really going to call that chick. I’m sorry I was acting like a tool. You don’t deserve that.” Drake says looking down at me. I avoid both of their gazes as I turn my eyes to the ocean again and say numbly, “You don’t have to apologize… I deserve it.” I feel Drake tense beside me as I repeat the words he told me last night while he was “disciplining me”.
“No you don’t deserve that! Don’t ever say that Lexi.” Ronny scolds, I look at her blankly and nod.
Drake tries to move his hand again into my lap and he tries to lace our fingers together but I can’t touch him right now. I quickly move my hand away from his and I see from the corner of my eye him flinch at my reaction as if I just slapped him.
“Can you take me home Ron, I’m not really hungry and I don’t want to ruin the rest of their evening.” I get up and walk away without waiting for an answer.
I find Ronny's car and stand near it hoping she will come out sooner or later. I walk near the sidewalk that leads to the beach and look out at the beautiful sea when a large hand wraps around my hand gently. I cringe and step backwards away from whoever it is.
“I'm sorry Lexi! I'm sorry for everything I’ve done. Please forgive me.” Jax begs me. I turn my eyes back to the sea. “I already told you…you don’t have to apologize Jackson.” I say curtly using his full name.
“No don’t say that you deserved what I said and the way I’ve been treating you because you don’t! I was being a dick…I thought it would be easier if I pushed you away.” He says.
“Yeah well, guess you did make it easier by pushing me away. You made it easier for both of us. Forget about me, find someone that is perfect, beautiful and everything you ever wanted, someone that isn’t me Jax.” I say vacantly staring back out into the darkness.