I don't even think I can bear to look at him, and I sure as hell hope he won't see me. I doubt it. Even though we are sitting at the glass, most of the hockey players don't even look at the fans as they are so focused on their game.
Still, I sit back in my chair and keep my eyes on my cell phone while I browse Facebook and Twitter, trying not to acknowledge the frantic pounding of my heart.
You will not look at him, you will not look at him, I tell myself over and over again.
A deafening roar goes up from the Cold Fury fans, and I know that means the team is coming onto the ice. From the periphery, I can see Glenn banging on the glass and yelling out Garrett's name, so I know he's at least on the ice now. I manage not to look up, but I sure as hell don't see a damn thing on my cell phone as my vision is a bit blurred from trying to restrain my eyes from involuntarily seeking out Alex.
I start to realize something isn't quite right when Glenn goes still and is no longer yelling. Even as I peer hard at my cell phone, I can see his body turn to look at me, so there must be something wrong if he's not focused on the ice action.
Then I hear a rapping sound … it's one I've heard before … a stick beating on the glass. And if I thought my heart rate had been racing before, now I can hear the thunder of its beat pulsing deep within my eardrums.
The rapping sound comes again, quicker … more insistent.
Against my better judgment, against the pledge I made earlier to myself not to do it, I drag my eyes slowly upward and look at Alex Crossman standing on the ice directly in front of me.
His gaze is soft and his brow is furrowed just enough for me to know that he is worried. About seeing me, about communicating with a "fan" rather than warming up … I'm not exactly sure, but he looks ill at ease.
He just looks at me, in such an intimate way, that the sounds of the arena seem to die out and there is only blessed silence cocooning the two of us.
I have no clue what he wants. I search the emotion on his face and I try to figure it out, but I just don't get it. He's an enigma to me, bewildering me so profoundly, I can do nothing but return his stare.
Movement to the side causes our gaze to break and I slide my eyes over to see Garrett skate up and come to a stop a few feet from Alex. He rests his arms on top of his stick and looks at me with a sly grin.
Then Alex moves and my attention is back on him. He throws his stick and gloves down to the ice and bends down at the glass, doing what, I have no clue. For a brief second, he's gone from view and then he stands back up. He skates backward a few feet and I'm stunned to see he's holding a stack of poster boards in his hand.
He smiles at me and my face flames red as I realize that he's getting ready to do something in a very public arena in front of several thousand people. I look quickly left and right, and sure as shit, everyone in the vicinity is looking right at Alex in curiosity.
A brief look at Glenn shows him grinning like a fool, and I realize that I'm probably going to murder my little brother later. My gaze slides back over to Alex, and it's clear he is patiently waiting for my focus to remain on him.
Holding the boards up in front of this chest, he pulls the first one away and tosses it to the ice, revealing a board underneath with writing on it.
It says, I'm sorry for letting you go.
My eyes shoot up from the board to meet Alex's and I can see the apology swimming there as well. He pulls that board away, slinging it to the ice, and I read the next board underneath.
I stole this idea from the movie Love Actually.
My eyes rise again to meet his, and now I see him grinning at me. I can't help it that my lips curve upward in response.
He reveals the next board to me, and my smile gets even bigger.
Garrett-big girl that he is-had seen the movie and recommended this as an idea to win you back … .
Laughter from the fans who are watching this breaks out around me and I have to chuckle too. I look over at Garrett and he's glaring daggers at Alex, who returns a sheepish grin to him before turning back to me.
He pulls that board away and drops it.
My heart slams inside my rib cage when I read the next message.
I love you and I was a fool to let you go.
I can't even raise my gaze to meet his, reading the board over and over again, hungrily soaking in the message and vaguely aware of the fans starting to clap.
Alex takes the board away, revealing the one underneath.
I will do whatever it takes to get you back.
The clapping gets louder and people start cheering. I don't even have time to read the message a second time or look up at Alex before he reveals the next board.
I'll fight hard for you.
And the next board.
I won't give up.
And the next board.
Because you are the most important thing in the world to me.
The cheering has now started to make its way around the arena as everyone is now watching what is going on. I look over at the players' bench and the coaches are watching, none too happy about this display, but they don't stop him.