I don’t know how long everyone stayed, but by the time everyone left, even Branna after she checked on us both once more, I was close to falling asleep sitting up. I had just finished feeding the baby again and settled back into my bed when a switch flipped inside of me.
It was an odd sequence of events. One moment I was so captivated by my newborn son, that I forgot about everything, and the next the mist of joy that clouded my mind lifted and confusion set in.
I looked at Kane and frowned.
I didn’t think much of it earlier because I was in labour, and afterwards it never occurred to me because I was so wrapped up in the baby and everyone else... but now that I had a minute to think, I was curious to know where Kane had been all day.
I was curious to know why he almost missed our son’s birth.
“Kane?”
He was folding up the birthing pool.
“Hmmm?”
I tiredly blinked. “Where were you all day today?”
He froze.
His hesitation in answering caused my stomach to churn.
“Kane?” I whispered.
The muscles on his back contracted.
“What?” he asked after a moment of silence.
He knew what I asked, but he was stalling.
“Alec was callin’ you for ages, Ryder too, but neither of you answered. Where were you?”
“I was in the gym for about two hours,” he replied.
I swallowed. “And for the other hours?”
He placed the birthing pool back into its container then turned to face me.
“Helping Ryder move... some stuff.”
Tears welled in my eyes.
“Kane.”
He took a step forward. “I swear if I knew you would be having the baby today I wouldn’t have left your side.”
I held my hand up in the air. “Stay where you are.”
Kane tensed, but nodded.
I lowered my hand to my stomach and exhaled. “You were movin’ drugs or weapons... weren’t you?”
Kane opened his mouth, but closed it when no words came out. I watched his hands ball into fists just as I felt the tears that welled up in my eyes spill onto my cheeks.
“Please let me come to you.”
I shook my head. “I was in labour all day... and you were out helpin’ Ryder with that horrible stuff.”
Kane swallowed. “I’m—”
“Your brothers held my hands, listened to me scream and curse at them, and did everythin’ in their power to help me. They never left me side the entire time. They were scared shitless, but they were there for me.”
“Aideen,” Kane whispered, his own eyes glazing with unshed tears.
“You almost missed him comin’ into this world.”
Kane couldn’t hold my gaze anymore. He dropped his head and sagged his shoulders in shame.
“I’m disgusted with myself for not being here for it all.”
I was disgusted with him too.
“What did I tell you?” I asked him.
He looked up at me and shrugged.
“I told you I wouldn’t be with you when you’re attached to that life.”
Pure panic marred Kane’s features.
“Please,” he begged in a low voice. “Please forgive me. I won’t do it again. I won’t help Ryder ever again. I swear on my life.”
It hurt me seeing him so desperate, but I decided I had to be cruel to be kind. I loved him, and I was not letting our relationship fail because of his stupid mistakes. He was my forever, and I was going to make him realise the baby and myself were his.
I kept my expression as blank as I possibly could; I tried my hardest to be heartless.
I was about to scare him straight.
“I think you should leave,” I said, locking my gaze with his.
“Aideen,” he choked and stumbled forward until his knees knocked into our bed. “Please, I’m begging you, don’t do this.”
Don’t break until he does.
“I didn’t do anythin’, you did,” I replied leisurely. “I’ve asked you, no I’ve begged you, repeatedly, to tell me what you and Ryder were up to, and I’ve pleaded with you not to be involved with it... but you completely ignored me. You said it wouldn’t take you from me, but it has. You almost missed the birth of your son for it… was it worth it?”
“I’m so sorry,” he croaked, as tears fell from his eyes and dropped onto his cheeks.
Put the fear of God into him.
“No, I’m sorry, Kane,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m sorry I let this go so far. I truly thought your love and respect for me would be enough for you to do the right thing, but I’m obviously not worth it. You chose somethin’ dangerous, illegal and plain disgustin’ over me.”