“You don’t mean that.” She lifts her head again, her cute little mouth opened like she’s shocked.
“I fucking do,” she says seriously, and we both crack up. After the way I found her moments ago, it’s such a relief to hear her laughing again.
When she lays back down on my chest, I kiss the top of her head. “You’re so fucking adorable.”
We continue to lay wrapped in each other. Even with everything going on in our lives right now, I can honestly say I think this is the happiest I’ve ever felt in my life.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Angel
We eventually get up and go for our run. Although I didn’t really feel like going, it did me good. Three of my favourite things: being by the ocean, running, and Chase. Words cannot express what having him here has done for me.
The hard part is I not only want him, I need him, so much. I’m worried that I’m becoming dependant. What I feel for him is growing stronger every second we’re together. I’m scared if this were to end again, it would destroy me.
I know I haven’t had much experience with the opposite sex, so this may sound crazy, but Chase is the one. I just know he is. He’s my missing link, the other half of my soul. In my heart I know we were made for each other. I only wish he could see it too.
Once we’re back at home, I head to the kitchen to make us a fruit smoothie before we shower. Separately, of course. Thankfully, mum fully stocked my cupboards and fridge while she was here. I have enough food to see me through the rest of the week.
Chase comes to stand beside me. “Can I help you with anything?” he asks while I slice the fruit.
“You can get the milk out of the fridge.” He does what I ask, placing it on the benchtop.
“How are you feeling now?” he asks.
“I’m fine.”
“Really? You’re fine?” He raises his eyebrow when he asks, like he doesn’t believe me.
“Yes,” I answer truthfully. He, along with the run we just took, helped. I feel rejuvenated.
“Honestly, Angel. I’m worried about you. I don’t think you’re fine.”
“What? Why? I’m okay, Chase. Having you here has helped more than you know,” I reply truthfully, turning my head to smile at him.
“Well, I’m happy to be here with you. You’re stuck with me, remember?”
“I know and I’m happy to be stuck with you.” I look up from what I’m doing and smile at him again. I want him to know that I mean what I say. “I’ve really missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” he exhales. I know now is probably not the time to bring this up, but I need answers.
“Why did you walk out on me? Was I really that bad in bed?”
“What! Fuck no. Is that what you think?” I shrug my shoulders. I don’t really think that, but it’s one of the many scenarios which have gone through my head. He leans over, removing the knife from my hand, placing his hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him.
“It was perfect. You were perfect,” he says, reaching up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “Please, don’t ever think that.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs while contemplating how to answer. “Because I freaked out, I guess.”
“About what?”
“About how you made me feel.”
“I don’t understand.” I’m not sure what he means.
He sighs, bringing one of his hands up, running it through his hair. I can tell this conversation is making him uncomfortable. “You made me feel things I’ve never felt before.”
“Good things or bad things?” I ask.
“Do we really have to talk about this now?”
“Yes. If we’re going to be friends, we need to talk about this. It’s the only way we can move past it. I don’t want to be left wondering for the rest of my life what I did wrong.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“Then why? I understand you freaked out, but why did you act like I didn’t exist? You broke my heart, Chase. I thought our friendship meant something to you.”
“Our friendship means everything to me …you mean everything to me. It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“I can’t be with you like that.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I swear I feel my heart tear in two. I know we agreed to be just friends, but hearing him say he doesn’t want me like I want him, is not something I want to hear. I try not to react. I don’t want him to know I’m disappointed with what he just said, but I’ve been so emotional the last few days, I can’t stop the tears that threaten to come.