“How come you’re home so early?” he asks with a frown as he wipes his greasy hands on a rag. I feel bad. I know my behaviour the past few weeks is worrying him.
I shrug. “I just didn’t want to be there today, that’s all.”
“Still pining over that pussy?” he asks with a chuckle as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Fuck, haven’t I taught you anything over the years boy?” Since my mum did the dirty on him, he’s lived the single life. I feel for him. He really got burnt by her, we both did.
I exhale. I wish I wasn’t in this position. I wish I’d never met her. No, that’s a lie. I just wish things were the way they used to be between us. Before I fucked it up. Before Riley fuckin’ Benson.
After getting off the bike, I follow him into the garage. I need to snap out of this funk I’m in. If she’s moving on I guess it’s time I did too.
I walk over to the hook on the back of the door and pick up my overalls. I can feel Pops’ eyes on me as I slide into them. This is a first for him. He’s never seen me hung up on a girl before. He’s not much of a talker when it comes to these things either. He probably doesn’t know what the fuck to say to me.
I walk towards the car he’s working on. He looks down into the motor and pretends he hasn’t just been eyeballing me. “Can you pass me the socket?” he asks. We’re silent for a few minutes as I stand there watching him work on the motor of his latest project.
“So, tell me the real reason you left school early today.”
“I just didn’t want to be there, that’s all,” I lie.
“You can’t kid a kidder, Chase. Your old man’s not stupid you know.” I sigh. I don’t really want to talk about this with him. He’s gonna think I’m a pussy. He looks up from the motor he’s working on and holds my stare. When he raises an eyebrow I know he’s not going to let me get away with silence.
“She’s seeing someone else.”
“Hmmm. I see. And I take it you’re not happy about it?” I just shrug. No I’m not fucking happy about it, but I’m not going to admit it. No way.
“It’s Riley fucking Benson,” I say through gritted teeth.
“That slimy fuckin’ copper’s boy?”
“Yeah, him.”
“And you’re happy with your girl going around with him?”
“She’s not my girl.”
“Coulda fooled me. You seem to have your fucking nuts all tied up for her.” I ignore his response. I’m certainly not going to admit that. Even though I know he’s right. He knows he’s fucking right too because he starts to chuckle. “Never thought I’d see the day,” is all he says as he stands and slaps my back. “My boy’s fuckin’ pussy-whipped.” He shakes his head as he leans over and continues to work on the motor.
“I’m not fucking pussy-whipped,” I snap. This just makes him laugh harder.
“Keep tellin’ ya self that, boy.”
••••
After getting an hour-long lecture from Pops, I eventually make it inside to my room. Thank fuck for that. I’m beating myself up enough without him adding fuel to the fire. He thinks I should try and get her back. I can’t do that though. As much as I hate to admit it, she’s better off without me.
I don’t come out of my room for the rest of the night. Not even for dinner. I’m too tied up inside to eat. It’s not like I’m missing out on anything anyway. Pops and I can’t cook to save our lives. If we don’t go to the clubhouse to eat, we live on frozen dinners. I hate that shit.
I’m surprised Pops hasn’t knocked on my door and made me come out to eat though. That’s one thing we always do together. I guess he knows I want to be alone. I need to cut my losses and snap out of this shit.
I toss and turn all night. Finally, sleep comes about 3:00 a.m. I need to be up at 5:00 a.m. for my run. I hate these fucking morning runs. Maybe I need to find another track to run at, one where Angel won’t be. That way I can go back to running in the afternoons.
After my run, I head back home to take a shower and have some breakfast. I really don’t want to go to Uni today. Not after what happened yesterday, but I don’t have a choice. Even though I’d like to, I can’t avoid those two forever.
I’m not going to let them stand in the way of my dreams. Thank Christ this is my last year. After I graduate I hopefully won’t have to see either of them again. Even though the thought of never seeing Angel makes me feel sick.
It’s just my luck as I round the corner to my first class I run straight into her. Fucking great. I can tell by the look she gives me that she’s pissed with me. At least she’s fucking looking at me, I guess. It kills me that she won’t even look at me anymore. I know it’s fucked up, because I do the same to her. I only look her way when I know she’s not paying attention.