Truthfully, she was the best lay I’ve ever had. She’s like a drug to me. I’m afraid now that I’ve had a taste, I’m hooked. I can’t let that happen. For her sake and mine.
By the end of our first time together I knew I had to end it between us. I needed to make a clean break. I didn’t have a choice. Compared to her, I’m trash.
My mum said those words to me often when I was growing up. I have nothing to offer her. If my own mother can’t stand me, it would only be a matter of time before Angel felt the same. That would be my worst fucking nightmare.
I planned on letting her down gently. As gently as I could anyway. I knew I couldn’t be friends with her anymore. Everything was screwed up now. I’m gonna miss her like you wouldn’t believe, but I’ll get over it. I hope.
Who am I trying to kid? I’ll never forget her.
It wouldn’t take her long to figure out I’m not good for her. That kind of rejection from her would crush me. I know it. It’s better for us both to hurt now, instead of later down the line.
Being around her was risky. I’ve always known that. Now that I’ve crossed that line and know exactly what I’ll be missing, it makes this decision so much harder. I need to do what I need to do. Unfortunately that’s getting as far away from her as possible.
My mind drifts back to what she said before I walked out. “I’ve been fighting my feelings for you for so long. I’m glad I don’t have to pretend how I feel anymore.” Although hearing her say she had feelings for me made me happy. Extremely fucking happy. It also freaked me out.
She can’t care for me. I don’t want her to. Well, actually I do. I want that more than anything. Fuck, if this shit doesn’t make me insane. No woman has ever cared for me in the past. My mum certainly didn’t. The girls I fuck don’t. They only want me for my cock. No female has ever wanted me for just me, except Angel, of course.
We’re from two different worlds. You’ve only got to look at the expensive car she drives, or the designer clothes she wears. Going inside her home yesterday just confirmed it.
Her house makes mine look like a fucking shack. I’d known where she lived before going there. I made sure to find that out the first day I met her. Don’t ask me why, I just needed to know. I got one of the guys from the club to tail her home.
Apart from the material things she has, you’d never know she came from money. She’s not stuck up or pretentious at all, the total opposite. She’s the coolest chick I’ve ever known. Now I’ve completely screwed up the only one good thing I have in my life. Her.
As usual, I listened to my cock instead of my head. I should’ve known once I got a taste of that sweet pussy of hers I’d be a goner. It was the sweetest damn pussy my mouth has ever tasted. Sweet, just like her.
Her name is fitting; she is an Angel. She’s not the usual type of girl I’d go for. I like my women hard, fast and easy. Well, I thought I did. Now I’ve had a piece of Angel, I’m not so sure anymore. I felt things in those few short hours we were together, that I’ve never felt before.
I’m still struggling with what I did to her. I’ve picked up my phone at least twenty times to call. I chickened out every fucking time. I even started to write a text, but didn’t send it. I’m sure she’ll get over it. I’m probably not the first one-night stand she’s had. Why does that thought make me want to fuckin’ punch something?
What I’d really like to do is go and talk to her face-to-face. That’s what she deserves. There’s no way I could look at that angelic face of hers and break her heart. It would kill me. I’m going to take the easy way out and pretend she doesn’t exist. Low act I know, but it’s the only way.
I did, however, go and change her tyre this morning. I couldn’t just leave her car there, knowing it had a flat and she had no way of changing it herself. I can be an arsehole at times, but I’m not that much of a dog. I even got one of Pops’ guys to tow it back to her place.
That’s not going to make up for what I’ve done, but it’s something I felt compelled to do. Her friendship means the world to me. She means the world to me. Seeing her on campus now is going to be so fucking hard. I’m gonna try and swap some of my classes around. The less I see of her the better. Instead of running in the afternoons with her, I’ll do mornings. Fuck, I feel lost without her already.
She may not realise it now, but in time she’ll understand, that what I did was for the best. My mum has made it kind of hard for me to ever have a relationship with another female.