After the Christmas Party(54)

“I feel as if I can’t breathe when you aren’t around.”

Some of the tension around his eyes started to ease. “And?”

“And as if I can’t breathe when you’re around because you take my breath away.”

“Keep going,” he insisted, crossing his arms over his chest. But his eyes had lost the cloudiness that had hidden away the sparkle she loved. Now that sparkle had come back and gave her strength. If she wanted this, wanted him, she was going to have to confront her fears, not let them overpower her the way they had for the entire day, for years. “You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?”

“Lady, when I finally have you admitting that you care about me and want me in your life, you’d better believe that I’m going to keep pushing.”

“I…” She shrugged. “I didn’t know why you were so nice to me, why you wanted me, why you chose me. I thought maybe I was just another charity case.”

“Why wouldn’t I choose you? You’re everything to me. All day I’ve kidded myself that we were a mistake, that we should just call it quits, that I could let you go because I’m not a forever kind of man. But from the time you drove away, I knew I couldn’t ever call it quits with you.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what to do, Trinity. I never saw myself as marrying or having kids. Not with my career. I didn’t want to be one of those dads.” He paused. “I didn’t want to be my dad.”

“Your dad?” she asked, reeling at all he’d admitted, reeling that he’d said he loved her.

“He worked all the time, was always gone. That’s why Christmas is so special to my family. It was the one and only time of the year that my dad didn’t work. We had a day of him being with us, playing with us, with us being the center of his attention for an entire day. When the holiday was over, he was back at work and we rarely saw him until the following Christmas. I don’t mean to whine. I know I was blessed. He was a good man, provided a good living for his family.” Riley shrugged. “It’s just that it seemed he was only there as part of our family at Christmas.”

“Him working so hard allowed your mother to always be there for you kids, though.”

“You’re right,” Riley agreed. “I know that in my head.”

“But in your heart?”

“In my heart, I don’t want to be like him.”

“Which is?”

“A husband whose wife was lonely. A father whose children longed for his presence. A man I only have good memories of from Christmas.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, and meant it. “But at least you do have those memories. And now I understand why Christmas is so important to you, to your family.”

Riley nodded. “The first few Christmases after he’d died, my mother was devastated. My brother and sisters and I decided we were going to make sure to always be there for Christmas, to spend a good portion of the day with her, to bring her as much joy as possible.”

“I’d say you were a success. She couldn’t stop smiling and laughing today.”

“But the other woman I wanted to bring as much joy as possible to wasn’t smiling and laughing today. Not with me.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugged him tightly to her. “I’m sorry, Riley. I was confused, and last night…last night blew me away.”

“Last night blew both of us away.” He touched her cheek. “I’ve been doing all the chasing, Trinity, and you’ve been doing a lot of running.” He gestured to her gift. “You said you weren’t a glass slipper kind of girl, that you wanted pink hightops so you could run. When you need to run, run to me, Trinity.”

Her eyes misted and she put her palms against his face. “It may take me a while to get my head on straight at times, but I will always run to you. You’re my star.”

He stared down at her in question.

“The star that leads me where I need to be.”

He smiled. “I hope so.”

She took a deep breath, rested her forehead against his chin. “For however long you want me, I’m yours, Riley.”

“Then you’re going to be mine for ever.” He took her in his arms, kissed her. “Please, don’t ever shut me out again the way you did today. My youngest sister could tell I was in love with you. She commented on how much when we were talking today.”

That was what his sister had said?

“You told her that you’d made a mistake, that you regretted bringing me.”

“You heard that?” He hugged her. “Our timing was off. We needed today, just you and me figuring out what happened last night and making sure we didn’t do anything to mess up it happening again and again. But I couldn’t cancel Christmas with my family. I just shouldn’t have coerced you into going with me.”