Wishing her insides didn’t twist, her mind didn’t doubt, her stomach didn’t roil. That she really was a part of this family and could go and play video games with Riley and the kids. Or even lounge comfortably with the crew that was settling in to watch a football game and talking back and forth about which team was going to win.
She wished she could be a glass-half-full kind of girl, rather than what stared back at her in the mirror. How did one go about changing one’s reflection?
She rested her head on the archway and wished she could blend into this love-filled family.
“She doesn’t seem to be having a very good time. Neither do you, for that matter.”
Ouch. Was she supposed to have been able to overhear Riley’s youngest sister? The pregnant one. She couldn’t remember her name. She’d met so many different people today. Easily more than forty, although it might as well have been hundreds for how they’d made her head spin.
“We are a bit much to take in,” Riley said defensively. Trinity’s heart lurched at his defense but then crumbled at his next statement. “But you’re right. I shouldn’t have brought her here today, but she doesn’t have any family and I didn’t want her to be alone. Not on Christmas Day.” He paused and she couldn’t hear what his sister said. “Maybe, but, regardless, I made a grave miscalculation where she was concerned. One I dearly regret.”
He wished he hadn’t brought her? Well, duh, of course he wished he hadn’t brought her. She was ruining his day with his family. What a Christmas-killer she was.
Determined not to dampen his day or this lovely family’s day any more than she already had, she forced a smile onto her face and joined the closest group of adults to her.
Somehow she’d fake her way through the rest of the day.
Christmas couldn’t end soon enough. Was she doomed to feel this way for ever?
Taking a quick glance toward Trinity as he pulled the car out onto the highway, Riley sighed. “You’re quiet.”
She’d been quiet most of the day. With him, at any rate. When he’d come out from trying to make up to Timmy for snapping at the boy, Trinity had joined a group playing cards. She’d laughed and had seemed to enjoy herself. Except when he’d come near. Then the silent treatment had rolled in.
“Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all.”
“Than to say something bad?” On the day after they’d first made love. Christmas morning. The entire day should have been filled with smiles and happiness. She’d clammed up and shut him out rather than embrace the goodness of what they could have shared on what was probably the only Christmas they’d spend together.
“You think I would say something bad?”
Why was it he stuck his foot in his mouth so easily where she was concerned? He loved her. He didn’t want to pick a fight with her. Not really. Or maybe he did because he felt so frustrated by the whole situation. At this point he wasn’t sure what he wanted.
“No, I don’t think you would say anything bad. What I think is that you’d sit quietly and answer a thousand questions as politely and concisely as you possibly could then go right back to being quiet, as if you’d taken a vow of silence rather than make any effort to make conversation.”
Her face flushed pink. “I made an effort to talk to your family.”
Keeping his eyes on the road and one hand on the steering-wheel, he raked his other hand through his hair. “I wanted you to like my family. To not have to make an effort to talk to them, but for it to flow naturally. I wanted them to like you.”
“I did like them.”
He heard her swallow and figured he’d said too much. That he should have held in what he wanted, because what he wanted didn’t seem to matter.
“Did they not like me?”
A damn of emotion broke loose within him and he failed to hold his irritation in.
“They knew something wasn’t right between us. I finally brought a woman home and they all kept asking me if we were arguing. I was embarrassed.” He knew he should stop, that he should just zip his lips and not say a word more, but his insides felt raw from walking on eggshells for most of the day. “And I guess we are, because from the moment I woke you up this morning you’ve been determined to fight with me. Thank God you only ruined my day and not my family’s.”
“I ruined your day?” Her hands were folded neatly in her lap and she stared straight ahead through the windshield, not even bothering to look his way.
This was the woman he’d made love to, the woman he had wanted to give a special Christmas to. Instead, everything had gone horribly wrong.