Braddock hadn’t returned to the house until well after the last light went out. He had stayed on the fringe of Jay’s yard, feeling like a ghost haunting the place. He could have slept outside. He was more at home on the cold ground than in a quilt-covered bed. But something drove Braddock to a bed that didn’t quite fit. Had he secretly hoped sleeping in the room next to Lorelei would accomplish something? Give him another chance?
He slung his arm over his eyes, knowing he had. He’d thought he could steal a glimpse of her, soak up her essence through the walls. That wouldn’t be fair, though. He had already taken more than he deserved, and there would be a high price for his thievery.
Tonight during dinner, he’d watched her with the little girl on her lap and knew that was what she was made for—cradling a child in her arms with that dreamy look on her face. But even if he wanted to be the man at her side, he didn’t fit in the picture.
He was the outsider at Jay’s table. He had no right to be there. Didn’t they know that if it weren’t for him Jay would be whole? But they all went on ignoring the obvious. Smiling. Laughing. Braddock couldn’t do that. He couldn’t have Lorelei or a normal life because he knew what waited. The darkness that followed him was just a breath away, and it was never him whom it hit. He was just left to pick up the pieces.
Braddock turned onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. He wouldn’t go to Lorelei. No matter how badly he wanted to be something else, he wasn’t. When the door creaked open, Braddock didn’t move. Too many times during the long night he’d imagined Lorelei coming through that door. He wouldn’t turn just to find the room empty, the door shut tight. But this time her presence was unmistakable. He waited, still thinking his imagination was sending out its heavy artillery. Not another sound penetrated the heady silence, but he knew she was there. His heart started to beat more rapidly. She was here.
He twisted abruptly.
She stopped a foot from the bed. Her breath whistled through her teeth in an audible hiss.
He stared at her in the darkness. She wore a white nightgown that reached her ankles. Her hair spilled over her shoulders. He said nothing, fearing that if he did she would evaporate.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
He adjusted his weight onto his elbow. “I couldn’t.”
“I couldn’t either.” She crept toward him until the bed pressed against her thighs.
He kept his best poker face. Even in the dark, emotions rolled high. An imaginary lamp had been turned up, leaving them both exposed in the sudden glaring light. Every muscle Braddock had was tensed and bunched.
She glanced to the hooks where the boys hung their clothes. His gun belt was draped on the closest one to the bed. A lone pistol curled around a fallen group of toy soldiers scattered on the roughly made nightstand. He hadn’t even thought about it, but the slight pull at the comers of Lorelei’s mouth showed him what a strange thing it was to arm yourself for an attack in your closest friend’s home. Not strange to him. That other voice, the one that couldn’t sleep without a loaded gun in reach, told him he should send Lorelei out of the room right now. He didn’t belong around someone like her.
“Who were you planning to shoot?”
She had no idea what was out there. What was lurking. She’d seen it, but still she could forget. Coyote Pass wasn’t that far away. He had to be ready for anything, but he was glad she could forget. He let out his breath and licked his lips, readying himself to say the hardest words he would ever have to say, to tell Lorelei to go back to bed.
But instead he pushed himself to a sitting position and reached his traitorous hand out to her. She didn’t hesitate. She took his hand and crawled onto the bed. He wrapped his arms around her and there was no longer any part of him that wanted to resist. Even the nagging voice of doom, his constant companion, was swept away by the wave of pleasure Lorelei’s nearness brought.
She laid her head on his shoulder. “I couldn’t leave things the way they were. I’m sorry for how I acted. Hurting you wasn’t my intention when I came outside to find you.”
Braddock gripped her shoulders and pulled her away to look into her face. “Don’t apologize. I deserved it.”
She sat back on her heels. “I know how hard it is for you to see Jay. I just want you to know that I do understand. I even understand why you won’t give us a chance.”
He held on to her hand. How could she be so brave? This conversation was making him ill. “Lorelei,” was all he could get past his suddenly thick lips. She picked up his other hand so both their hands were joined. “I wanted to tell you again that I love you.”