She moved in front of him and smoothed her hands over his chest. Through his cotton shirt, she could feel the heat of his body and the rapid thud of his heart. “What else is there to do? I’ve buried my share of family, but I’m still here. I still love you.”
He touched his forehead to hers. “Don’t say that.”
She rested her palm on his cheek. “It’s true.”
As if unable to stop himself, he gripped her forearms and pressed his mouth to hers. Gently he slid his tongue against hers, slowing his pace as if memorizing her shape.
“I can’t do it, Lorelei. I can’t.” His lips hovered so near hers his words spilled into her mouth.
Their bitter taste told her what her heart didn’t want to accept. He wouldn’t change. He wouldn’t give them a chance. He seemed utterly incapable of it.
She pulled out of his embrace and stared at the black horizon. “When will you go?”
He moved behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “I know I should see how happy Jay is. But all I can see is the man he used to be. The man he should be now. I don’t know why he stepped on the shell instead of me.”
She wanted to turn to him. To tell him he was spared so he could save her, but his grip held her in place.
“Being with you is more than I expected. But if I tried to hold on to it, I’d crush it. Capturing Mulcahy is all I can think about right now.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Don’t. I won’t come back.” Lorelei closed her eyes. How could she get through to him?
If he wouldn’t choose life, she would. She stepped out of his grip and turned to face him. “If I can’t change your mind, I have no choice but to move on.” She forced a smile. “Jay already mentioned your asking him to find me a husband. I told him no, but I’ve changed my mind.”
When his mouth and eyes simultaneously tugged down at the comers, she didn’t find the satisfaction she had expected from her well-placed blow. “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for Corey and me.”
He gazed at his boots. “You’re welcome.” When he glanced up at her, his jaw was stiff. “If I can get the information I need from your brother, I’ll be out of here by sundown tomorrow.”
She laced her hands in front of her, trying to appear calm. Tomorrow. How would she ever survive watching him ride out of her life?
“I’ll make sure he cooperates. He’ll be glad to see you go.” Lorelei let out her breath. If he thought he could walk away from what they shared, then she would let him know she could too. “Well, goodbye, Christopher.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I know, but we probably won’t be alone again. I want you to know how much you’ve meant to me.”
His jaw went slack. He appeared beyond speech.
The tears were thick in her throat, but she wouldn’t let them fall. She’d already cried too many tears in her life. “You’ve made me realize that I still have hope, even if you don’t. I want a life with a family to love. I didn’t survive just to give up. Thank you for giving me back my dreams.”
He nodded, but remained silent.
“Goodbye, then.” She strode past without looking at him again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Braddock lay angled across the nailed planks Chris and Jason used for a bed. Though his feet still hung over the side, the straw-stuffed mattress was comfortable enough and the soft cotton sheets smelled like sun soaked wind. But that didn’t matter. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Lorelei. The tips of his fingers still tingled when he relived watching her walk away. At least the rest of him hadn’t betrayed him and run after her. But he just hadn’t been able to stop himself from reaching for her as she walked out of his life.
He deserved to be left. That went without question. Though he hadn’t expected their parting to be so destructive. He felt like he’d been tied and beaten, utterly helpless. Then again, he was supposed to be the one looking forward with her at his back, not the other way around.
He tried to calm his racing thoughts long enough to listen to the silence of the house. A steady wind blew, rattling a window, calling a hollow tune. But not as hollow as he felt inside.
Lorelei slept with Alice next door. He strained to hear her, to feel her presence, but she might as well have been back in Kentucky. She had slammed the door on him.
He would have preferred to sleep in the barn, but Chris had run out and excitedly told him he was going to get to sleep with the horses like Corey and Jason. Braddock didn’t want to break the kid’s heart. Nor did he have any desire to sleep close to Corey.