After the Ashes(57)
“I don’t want you to.”
“I don’t know what you overheard, but I wasn’t going to trick you. Corey doesn’t know anything about what happened between Berkley and I. Berkley—”
“I don’t want to know.”
“Won’t you let me explain?”
“There’s nothing to explain.”
Lorelei wished she could just keep her mouth shut, but Christopher Braddock meant too much to her to let her pride stand in her way. “What about us? Don’t you feel anything for me at all?”
His jaw clenched, his expression pained. “There isn’t any ‘us’. Staying with me will only get you killed.”
She clutched his sleeve. “I’m willing to take that risk.”
He jerked out of her reach. “Goddammit, Lorelei. Don’t do this to me. I’ve seen too many people die. I don’t want to care about anyone. I don’t want to care about you.”
The emotion in his voice forced her a step back. “It doesn’t have to be that way.”
He laughed, a dry, hysterical snort. “Were you at Coyote Pass? Do you realize what could have happened to you? What would have happened if a drunk hadn’t gotten off a lucky shot? It wouldn’t have been pleasant. You would have begged to die long before you did.”
Her throat went dry. She refused to think about that. It hadn’t happened, and she had plenty else to worry about. “But you saved me.”
“No. I dragged you there. I don’t save people.”
She needed to say something to erase the look of misery from his tight features. “You bought the supplies. You kept me from getting arrested. How can you say you didn’t save me?”
When he finally faced her, she could tell by the harsh line of his jaw that her words had succeeded only in triggering his anger. “This is the way it’s going to be. I’ve got my own ass to save, thanks to you and your brother. And that’s what I’m going to do. All he has to do is tell me where I can find Mulcahy, and I’ll act like neither one of you ever existed.”
She clutched the threadbare muslin that covered her knotted stomach. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I won’t turn Corey in. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“But what about.…” She stopped. It was obvious his plans included no future for them. No contact. “What about...”she started again, but could only stare at him, disbelieving.
“I’m going to take you and Corey to a friend’s place. He’ll protect you both while I find Mulcahy. He can use the help on his farm. I expect your brother to work off the favor. Can you see to that?”
She nodded, unable to speak.
“You’ll be fine. Better than fine. Lots of single men have settled in the area, because the land’s cheap. They need wives—”
She was grateful when he stopped. Even in the darkness he must be able to read the horror on her face.
“Corey will have to change his name. You too, I guess, unless you marry.” He had the good grace to hesitate on the last word. He looked away for a moment. “Don’t worry about Langston. I’ll handle him. It’s the best thing. Corey will like it.”
She joined her hands in front or her. An unnatural calm, like the eye of a hurricane, settled over her. “Yes, he will.”
“It’s what you wanted from the start, isn’t it? For me to let Corey go,” he said again, as if testing the words out. Making sure they still sounded good. He gave her a wan smile, so she guessed he thought so.
He remained silent, staring at her. She supposed he actually expected her to respond.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted. How can I ever thank you?” Her voice sounded as hollow as her heart.
“It’s for the best.”
Why did those words always follow a painful experience, an unbearable loss? What utter nonsense.
“Corey will be pleased,” was all she could think to say.
His features sagged with his shoulders. At least he’d stopped acting as if this were pleasant, that their parting was for the best.
With a nod of his head, he gestured toward the glow of a small fire burning in the distance. “We should go back.”
She gazed at the flickering blaze longer than necessary. Corey surprised her. It wasn’t like him to take the initiative in anything, much less go to the trouble to start a campfire.
Christopher waited for her to move toward the camp. She did, but made certain not even the breeze of her movement brushed him. She would survive this. Her heart still beat. Her limbs still moved on command. Losing Christopher really wasn’t that bad in comparison to the other things that had been snatched from her. She had never had any real hope with him anyway, and she had gained Corey’s freedom.