After the Ashes(27)

She existed on an eddy of pure sensation. She didn’t know how long they went on, but abruptly he straightened his arms, pulling away from her.

“I have to pull out. Now,” he said in between ragged breaths.

Their connection ended when he dropped his weight to his knees. He braced himself above her just as the first shudder ripped through him. A hoarse moan tore from deep in his chest. She tried to sit up, to see if he was all right, when hot liquid shot across her belly. He was spilling his seed. He’d pulled out to make sure she hadn’t gotten pregnant. Lorelei felt chilled and relieved at the same time. She hadn’t thought that far ahead.

She brushed her hands over his shoulders as spasms continued to rack him. She smoothed back his hair and said his name in soothing tones. He came back down into her arms, and some of the coolness of their abrupt separation ended.

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and with their heads on the same pillow, she listened to his breathing slow to normal. He slung an arm over her waist and a leg over her thigh. She nestled into him and he pulled her to his chest.

“I should have started off slower.”

She kissed him lightly on the cheek, restless and too alert to be lying still in his arms. “I don’t think I could have stood it if you did.”

He brushed a lock of hair out of her face, hooking it around her ear. “Yeah, but you’d be feeling a whole lot more relaxed right now.”

Lorelei shifted to her elbow. “What do you mean?”

“Lorelei,” he started, then paused. “I guess I’m just trying to say I’m not the best of lovers.”

“Oh.” She thought about it a minute but didn’t really understand what he was getting at. “I liked it. It felt good after the pain.” Desire welled up in the pit of her stomach at the thought. In fact, she wanted to try it again, but could tell by the way he sank into the mattress that he barely had the energy to keep his eyes open. “You felt really good.”

He grinned crookedly. “God, Lorelei. Don’t look at me like that. You’re going to be the death of me.”

She laid her head on the pillow and scooted closer. “But you liked it, didn’t you?”

He wrapped his arms around her and they shifted until they were both comfortable. “Of course I did, but that won’t change who I am.”

“I don’t want you to change.”

He sighed heavily, warning her she wasn’t going to like what followed. “I’m glad to do the things you need done around here, but this isn’t the kind of life I want.”

She tried to pull away, but he held her close. He kissed the top of her head. “It’s not you. I just don’t want to be tied down to the land. I’m not a farmer.”

“What are you then?”

“You know what I am.”

She did, and the way he reminded her brought that reality back into the room. He had come to capture her brother. She hadn’t forgotten, but she had in her own silly mind thought the past two days had changed him. Being in her arms had changed him. God knew it had changed her. How could she have trusted a total stranger so completely? She struggled out of his embrace to look into his face. Real pain tightened his gaze. He wasn’t a total stranger. He was the first hope she’d had in a long time.

She traced his lips with her finger. “I wanted you to make love to me, Christopher. I don’t expect anything from you because of what we did. I never expected you to stay.” Lorelei wouldn’t let herself cry, though tears already constricted her throat. He would misunderstand. She wasn’t sad because he wouldn’t stay, or give her back her dreams of a life filled with love, a husband, a family. What hurt so badly was how easily she had come to accept the inevitable. No one stayed. There was nothing to count on. Not really. Not the love of a mother or a father, certainly not the love of a man she hardly knew.

He cradled her head in his palms, holding her while he searched her gaze. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t intend for this to happen.”

Lorelei was hurt despite herself. He had inadvertently reminded her of the things she no longer had, just when she had almost gotten used to the loss. “I know. You should leave tomorrow. Tell Langston we had a lovers’ spat.”

“Whatever you want.” He nestled her against his side. “Let’s go to sleep.”

Lorelei closed her eyes and tried to match the rhythm of her breath to his. Just for tonight, she would pretend that whatever she wanted was still possible.




CHAPTER SIX





Braddock woke with a start, then wondered if he had slept at all. The sting behind his eyelids and the bitter taste in his mouth left him with the sensation of having ridden through a sandstorm with both wide open. Through the window, night faded to charcoal gray. Lorelei slept evenly beside him, her warm skin pressed against his side. Dawn must be at least a half hour away. But that was still too soon.