“Maybe.” I couldn’t bear to look her in the eye, so I stared at her knees, which were pressed together tightly, her hands clasped around them. Someday, some rich bastard with a trust fund and a Porsche would put a big fat diamond on her finger. She’d have the huge, fancy wedding of her dreams, followed by a luxury honeymoon. After that, he’d buy her a mansion, which they’d fill with beautiful children who went to private schools and called her Mummy. She’d have everything she wanted. She’ll be where she belongs, and she’ll be happy.
I looked down at my wedding band. And I’ll be here.
“Jack, what’s wrong? Something is off, I can tell.”
“Nothing.” I stood up. “I’ll take you home.”
I grabbed my keys from the shelf and went out the front door, so she didn’t have much choice but to follow me. I pulled it shut behind her and started down the porch steps, but she grabbed my arm.
“Hey. Wait a minute.”
I steeled myself and looked at her. “What?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No.” I’m mad at me.
“Are you mad that we…did what we did in there?” She dropped her hand. “Because we didn’t have to do it. I told you I understood.”
“It’s not that.”
“Well, it’s something.” She stuck her hands on her hips. “I know you’re moody, but this is like a complete one-eighty. An hour ago you couldn’t keep your hands off me, and now you’re freezing me out. Tell me what I did.”
“You didn’t do anything,” I snapped.
“Then tell me what you’re thinking. Tell me what went wrong. Tell me something, Jack!” Her voice broke. “You can’t just shut down on me.”
“Yes, I fucking can!” I yelled, furious with myself for letting my guard down and with her for penetrating my defenses. “This is me, Margot. This is who I am. And it’s why we never should have gotten involved in the first place.”
Her body seemed to wilt. If I could have seen her eyes, I knew they’d be shiny with tears. “This isn’t you. I know you.”
I put up another wall. “You think because we fucked a few times that you know me? You don’t. It was just sex.”
She shook her head again, like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because it’s time, OK?” My hands were shaking. “We both knew this thing couldn’t go on, so we might as well end it now.”
“Why couldn’t it go on? I don’t live that far away, and…” She took a breath. I had the feeling I wouldn’t want to hear what she said next, and I was right. “I feel something for you, Jack. I don’t want it to end.”
I had to be ruthless. Rip off the bandage. “Well, I do.”
She started to cry. “Don’t you feel anything for me? Have the past few days meant nothing to you?”
I shrugged, and she cradled her stomach as if I’d struck her. She believed the lies so readily. Fucking hell, this was torture.
“God,” she wept, rushing past me down the steps. “I was so wrong about you.”
Cursing myself, I followed her through the trees, past the spot where we’d first combusted, and into Pete and Georgia’s yard. I saw her glance at the spot where I’d kissed her so passionately just a couple hours ago, and wanted to put my fist through a wall. Godammit, you weren’t wrong about me. But I can’t handle my feelings for you. I have no place to put them, they don’t fit inside me, don’t fit inside the life I have to live. I have no choice, Margot! Can’t you see?
She didn’t even try to walk home—she knew me too well, another punch in the gut—but marched right to the driveway and got into my truck, slamming the door so hard I thought it might fall off.
Moving slowly, as if the air around me was mud, I got behind the wheel and started the engine. She sat as far away from me as she could, arms crossed, legs together, jaw set. How insane that an hour ago, I’d been inside her, and she’d welcomed me in. I’d never feel that again.
My walls started to crumble.
“Margot, look. I—”
“Don’t. Don’t say my name, don’t talk to me, don’t even fucking look at me.”
Exhaling, I put the tuck in reverse and backed out of the driveway. I should have been relieved that she wasn’t crying anymore, that she wasn’t going to make this any harder for me, that she was going to go back to her pretty world and forget I ever existed.