But it didn’t happen. Even Bridget Jones lay beside me, content and purring. Didn’t she know what a horrible person I was?
Come on, I thought angrily. Someone needs to scream at me for this. Make me feel bad. Demand to know how I could do such a thing. Make me answer for this, God. I shouldn’t come away unscathed.
But God was silent tonight.
Instead the voice in my head was Margot’s. I don’t even know why I want this so badly, but I do.
It was a mystery to me, too, this explosive chemistry between a beautiful, sophisticated city girl and a rough-around-the-edges country guy like me. Where did it come from? And why did it have such a grip on me? It drove me insane the way I couldn’t stop thinking about her. All I could do was pray that giving in to that desire would get her out from under my skin.
I was likely out from under hers, anyway. She’d been pretty quick to decide we should just pretend it never happened. Not that I disagreed—I didn’t need anyone in my family to know about it, and I certainly didn’t want to pursue any kind of relationship with her. I wasn’t free to do that.
My heart would always, always belong to someone else. I’d made a promise to Steph, and I intended to keep it. Not only that, I wanted to be the kind of man she’d be proud of. I wanted to honor her memory. I wanted to honor her.
Thinking about how to do that kept me up long into the night.
In the morning, after checking on the animals, I went up to Pete and Georgia’s for coffee. I could have made it at the cabin, but I owed them both an apology and wanted to get a few things off my chest.
I knocked twice on the back door before letting myself in. “Morning.”
Georgia looked over her shoulder at me from where she sat at the kitchen table helping Cooper with his breakfast. “Morning.” Neither her tone nor her face was particularly welcoming.
I’d expected that. “Pete around?”
“He’s out front.”
“OK to have some coffee?”
“Help yourself.”
I poured a cup, ruffled Cooper’s hair, and went out to the driveway, where Pete was changing the oil on an ATV. “Hey,” I said.
He glanced at me. Barely. “Hey.”
“Almost done?”
“Not really.”
“Can you take a break?”
“For what?”
“I have something to say, and I want to say it to you and Georgia at the same time.”
My brother laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “I think you said enough yesterday.”
I took a deep, slow breath, fighting my instincts to get angry and snap back. “I was wrong yesterday, and I’d like to apologize.”
“You should apologize to Margot.”
“I did.”
He looked up at me in surprise, shielding his eyes from the sun. “You did?”
“Yes.”
Turning his attention back to the oil filter, he was silent for a few seconds. “I’ll meet you inside in five minutes.”
“Thank you.” I went back into the kitchen and sat across from Cooper, making goofy faces at him so he’d giggle. His little laugh was my favorite sound in the world.
“Jack, I’m trying to get him to eat,” Georgia complained, but she was smiling too. “You’re making it difficult.”
“I’ll do it. Go get some more coffee.” I went around the table and nudged her out of her chair, then sat. “Cooper’s gonna eat for me, aren’t you buddy?”
“Bunny!” he said happily.
“I said buddy. Now open the barn door, because here comes the horsie!” I did my best at the horse, motorcycle, and airplane tricks to get him to open his mouth and managed to shovel in the rest of his blueberry pancakes by the time Pete came in.
“Good enough,” Georgia said, taking away the little plastic plate and wiping his mouth and hands with a washcloth. “Thanks.”
“Anytime. I can take him to the park later, if you want.”
“That would be great.” She set him down on his feet and I laughed when he took off running at full speed, face planted in the hall, then got right back up again. Kids were so resilient.
“You guys have a few minutes for me?”
Georgia nodded and sat down across from me, and Pete took the chair next to her. “So what’s up?” he asked, bringing his coffee cup to his lips.
“I need to apologize for yesterday. I had a bad attitude right from the start and I was rude to a guest in your house. I’m sorry.”