After Math(32)

His eyes widen in surprise. “No, I just came over to say hi.” He looks unsure of his answer as he turns his attention to Ben. “Is he a friend of yours?”

“We just met. Ben, meet Tucker. Tucker, Ben.” I wave from Ben to Tucker and back.

A battle of emotions sweeps over Tucker’s face until he finally settles on acceptance. He looks Ben up and down while Ben shifts his weight. Tucker’s jaw works as though he wants to say something but holds back. Finally, he turns back to me. “Are you having fun?” His question sounds genuine.

I’m not but don’t want to admit that to either guy. I’d rather be home in my pajamas, huddled over my math problems.

Tucker leans close, his mouth next to my ear. His breath tickles my neck and my body involuntarily reacts to his nearness. “I only want you to be happy, Scarlett.”

Again, I’m not sure how to respond. Tucker’s made it obvious he doesn’t want to be with me tonight and he has to know that hurts. Perhaps this is similar to him encouraging me to go out with Daniel. This is his way of making sure I end up with someone he thinks I deserve. Part of me wants to tell him he deserves happiness and love, too. He deserves us, but my pride stops me.

He glances over at his group. The guys seem interested in our conversation, even if they can’t hear.

After several uncomfortable seconds, when I realize he’s not going to change his mind, I say, “You better get back to your friends.”

“Yeah.” He swallows and leans into my ear again, his voice tight. “Can I see you later?”

My heart races. I can’t believe what he’s asking. Am I just a booty call after all? My voice hardens. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He leans back and his brow lowers with concern. “That’s not what I meant, Scarlett.”

I steel my back. “If you want to talk to me, just call me tomorrow.”

He nods sharply, his mouth pinched into a tight line. He glances at Ben again, then goes back to his friends.

“What was that all about?” Ben asks, watching Tucker walk away.

“Good question.” I’m exhausted. I’d psyched myself up to come out tonight and the drinks have helped, but I wasn’t prepared to deal with Tucker. I’m not sure how to handle my emotions regarding him. My heart begs for him to come see me tonight, but my pride balks. He either wants me or he doesn’t. No waffling. It still doesn’t make the rejection any easier.

I’m on the verge of tears when I see Caroline weaving her way through the crowd toward me. Judging by the look on her face, she saw Tucker.

I take a long drink before I set the bottle on the counter. “Thanks for the drink,” I say to Ben and make my way to Caroline, meeting her halfway.

She looks into my eyes. “Are you all right?”

This is stupid. I will not cry. “I’m fine.” At least he’s hanging out with his friends. I could have found him draped over some hot, gorgeous girl. This could have been so much worse. I need to stop overreacting.

She shakes her head, looking past me in Tucker’s direction. “No, you’re not. Do you want to go home?”

Caroline’s having fun, and I don’t want to ruin it for her.

This is life. It’s messy and unpredictable, full of wonderful surprises and mind-numbing disappointment. The uncertainty of it all is why I hide, trying to avoid all the pain and the heartache. But now that my cage door is open and I’ve had a peek outside of it, I realize I’ve missed out on so many good things, too. If I run home now, it might take me a long time to emerge again. Just like when Tucker pushed me to keep running, even when my body begged to stop, I push myself to stay. “No. I want to stay.”

She looks uncertain. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” I flash her a smile and lead the way to the dance floor. Ben is at the bar watching us with a dazed look, but I decide to let that go. I never promised to hang out with him, just like Tucker never promised me anything. Ben only made assumptions, just like I did with Tucker.

I push deeper into the crowd so I’m not visible to Tucker. Or maybe so he’s not visible to me. I can pretend that he’s not here. But I can’t, not really. The best I can hope for is to make it through another half an hour or so, then figure out a way to get home. My new resolve to experience life is in its infancy and is still finding its strength. No sense pushing it too far.

Caroline dances through several songs, and I’m happy that other guys don’t approach us. I can’t really deal with that right now. A fine sheen of sweat covers my brow and the back of my neck. When a slow song comes on, I’m relieved. I may have run with Tucker in the gym a few times, but I’m miserably out of shape.