After All(82)

       
         
       
        

"Acting?"

"Yup."

"Didn't you used to do that?"

"I did. And sometimes I still do. I still have head shots, I still go on auditions sometimes. I take those damn Master Classes online with Kevin Spacey." She laughs at that one. "I do what I can to keep the dream alive. But it's not enough. I want to quit so I can devote my time to it, full-time. I want to give it one last shot. And if it doesn't work, then at least I tried."

Silence envelopes us. The crickets are starting up again.

"I'm not judging," Jackie says slowly. "And I think it's great. But you're almost thirty … "

"So? Who says you have to have all your shit figured out when you're young? I'd rather try and find myself now and see what happens than wait and let it pass me by."

"I guess. And if it doesn't work out?"

I shrug. "Then I'll have no regrets. Oh, come on, admit it, it's a crazy idea but it makes sense for me."

"You're kind of right about that. It is crazy."

"But you only live once. I'm not expecting the world but I am expecting something I can look back on and be, wow, I'm glad I did that. For a while there, I really fucking lived. And Just Jackie, so far, I haven't felt like I've been living. Just going through the motions, doing the things we're told we should do, the things we're supposed to do. In fact, the only time I've felt remotely alive is … "

I trail off. I realize that I'm about name Emmett and I know that on the plane, he pretty much said the same thing to me.

"It's Emmett," Jackie fills in. "I know it. Ever since you started dating him, fake or not, you've changed. For the better, of course. Even Tiffany and I were talking about it the other day."

I give her a sharp look. "She still thinks it's real, right?"

"She thinks it's real because it is real. Alyssa … that cliff we talked about? You're so far over it, you can't even see it anymore."

I take a long sip of my cider and sigh. "There's no point in hiding it anymore, is there."

"Nope. Welcome to the Love Club." She raises her can. "Though I have to say, I didn't make forty grand when I fell in love with Will."

No, but he probably spent that much trying to woo you, I think to myself. "The thing is … I didn't just do it for the money," I tell her. "That wasn't enough, really. The real reason I went out with Emmett was … because it felt like the right thing to do. I know how nuts that sounds but for such a crazy situation, being with him just made sense." 

A slow smile comes across her lips. "No. I get it. Your soul was familiar with him before you were."

I eye her in surprise. "Well ain't that poetic."

"I am a writer," she points out. "And I'm still in the romantic stage of our marriage. Anyway, I'm sure Will and my father will miss you deeply, but I have to say that I think you're doing the right thing. Whether the acting thing works out or not, no matter what you end up doing, it's pretty obvious that your future isn't as an office manager of a visual effects studio." She pauses. "But I will also tell you that your future does belong with that man who is waiting for you, right now, in that kitchen. And no. I don't mean Will. I mean the other guy. Your bruiser."

Just then, Will pops his head out the window and yells. "Dinner's ready!"

His booming voice seems to carry across the lake.

"Wow, the people over in Peachland probably heard that," I tell her, getting to my feet. Before we walk off though, I pass the marshmallow to her. "For you, Jackie-O. The pregnant one gets the first roasted marshmallow."

She gives me a charmed smile and plucks the marshmallow off the end of the stick, popping it into her mouth.

Then we walk back to the cabin, ready for dinner with our men.



* * *



As much as Jackie wanted to go for a night swim in the lake, as much as I wanted to drink cider and eat marshmallows, as much as Will and Emmett seemed adamant we have a poker tournament, all of us ended up going to bed early. Maybe it was the bottle of red wine at dinner (which Jackie stared longingly at) or the fact that we had a lot of steak and potatoes, but the only thing anyone was in the mood for was bed.

Even Emmett didn't try any moves on me once we settled under the covers and before I could even comment on it, we were both out like a light.

We all slept in the next morning too, only getting up just before lunch to make a big meal of bacon, eggs, hash-browns and toast. Then Jackie and Will went into the lake to try stand-up paddle-boarding, while Emmett and I walked up the street to the nearest vineyard to do some tasting.