Afraid to Fly (Anchor Point #2)(10)

"I don't blame you." I tapped my cigarette. "When you're off work, the last thing you want to talk about is work, am I right?"

Another laugh, this one sounding like more relief than humor. "Yeah. Exactly. And hey, this morning . . . you didn't read Lieutenant Bailey the riot act or anything, did you?"

I shook my head and blew out some smoke. "Nah. I asked him to keep stuff like that out of the office. He does it again, then I'll read him the riot act."

"Thanks." Clint didn't look at me. "I don't think they meant any harm."

"No, of course not." I tapped my cigarette over the ashtray, then took another drag. "He's never been anywhere near combat, though. It's hard to imagine how much a video can affect someone when all you've done is float around the Pacific on an aircraft carrier."

Clint nodded slowly. "True. They're lucky. For their sake"-he shifted his gaze back to me-"I hope they don't ever see combat." 

"Agreed. Would be nice if no one did, but . . ."

"Yeah. It'd be nice."

Neither of us spoke while I finished my cigarette. Odds were, I would never see combat again. I would be medically disqualified before the ink was even dry on my orders. Clint . . . it was hard to say. I didn't know his history, why he was no longer a drone pilot when manning was so critically low in that field, or why a video of an airstrike would fuck him up like that. Physically, he seemed okay, and the military was not at all above sending in soldiers who already had combat-related PTSD, so if the Navy started deploying ground troops again . . .

I banished the thought. I didn't want to think about him or anyone else going over there.

We sat in silence for a long moment. I debated smoking another cigarette if only to give as an excuse to stay out here, but he glanced at his watch and sighed. "I should probably head home."

Disappointment tugged at my gut, and I looked at my own watch. "Yeah, I guess it's getting late."

He rose. "Hopefully Keller doesn't mind me prying him away from the crowd."

"What? Why?"

"We drove in together this morning. He lives in my building, so we carpool."

"Oh. Well . . ." I hesitated. "If you want, I can drive you home. After the other night, I think I owe you a ride." The instant the words were out, I cringed. "I mean, I owe you-"

"I know what you meant." Clint chuckled. "Sure. I'm not gonna say no."

I could have gone inside and kissed Ensign Keller for driving in with Clint. I played it cool, though, and stood. "All right. Shall we go in and settle up?"

After we'd taken care of our tabs-all of about four bucks for Clint, since he didn't drink-we let everyone know we were leaving.

"See you guys in the morning." I wagged a finger at the group. "Don't burn the place down or anything, all right?"

"Burn it down?" Bailey laughed, swinging his beer wide enough he almost dumped it down Stevenson's front. "Come on. You know that shit only happens when you're here."

"Which means it's definitely a good time for me to leave." I turned to Clint. "Ready?"

He smiled, not possibly knowing how much that fucked with my blood pressure. "Whenever you are."

"Let's roll."

As we headed out to my car, an unfamiliar fluttery feeling rose in my chest. Glancing at Clint only made it worse. Better? More intense, anyway.

Bizarre. Was I . . .

Giddy?





As Travis drove through the gate and off the base, I sent up a prayer of thanks that on the day he'd offered me a ride home, it had been Keller's day to drive. Perfect. Even if I had no idea what to say or what might happen, I wasn't about to say no to some more time alone with Travis, and my lack of a car gave me the perfect excuse.

Pity I couldn't muster up much conversation. It was just as well Travis was driving too. I would've been all over the road, and I hadn't even had a drop to drink. Stone-cold sober and I barely had the brainpower to give him the stupid easy directions to my apartment.

Way to take advantage of having him alone.

With less than a mile to go, I said, "Thanks again for the lift."

"Don't mention it." He smiled. "Like I said, you got me and my kid home the other night, so I owed you one."

Right. Returning a favor. Don't read anything into it.

"Eh, I think we're even after you bailed me out back at the club."

Travis laughed. "Not really. I probably should've warned you about that when I asked you to come tonight."



       
         
       
        

"It wasn't like it was much of a shock. I do work around them, remember?"

"True. True." He tapped his thumbs on the wheel like he was nervous or something. "Still, I could've at least given you a heads-up that once they get some beer in them, they-"

"It's okay. Really. I've been in the Navy for eighteen years. I know how it all works."

He glanced at me, his forehead creased and eyebrows knitted together, but he relaxed a bit as he faced the road again. We drove in silence for a few blocks. Then he rested a hand on top of the wheel and his other arm on the console and, gaze fixed on the road, he said, "So I'm curious about something."

Please, please don't ask why I don't fly drones anymore. "Sure."

"Why did you come back the other night? To the Navy Ball?"

My throat tightened. "Uh . . ."

"I'm just curious. You and your date hightailed it out of there, so I guess I was surprised to see you come back. Especially . . ." he hesitated, "alone."

"Well." I muffled a cough. "I needed to get him home. And leave him there. After that, I guess I . . ." Heat rushed into my cheeks. "I mean, it . . ." I gestured up ahead on the left. "Oh. This is the place."

"Here?"

"Yeah."

He put on his signal and turned into the lot, and I hoped the momentary interruption was enough to make us both forget what we'd been talking about.

"Should I, uh . . ." His eyes flicked toward me. "Should I park, or-"

"Just take one of those." I pointed at the guest spots near the entrance.

Travis turned into one, but left the engine idling. For a moment, neither of us spoke.

"So . . ." I gulped. "Thanks for the ride. The lift."

He chuckled. "Don't mention it. Thanks again for the other night." He winced. "Getting us home, I mean."

"I know what you meant." I went to unbuckle my seat belt, but didn't, as if it were all that was keeping me from jumping out of the car and putting some breathing room between us. "Anyway, I appreciate the- I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Yeah. I mean . . ." He focused on something in front of the car. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you at work." Hesitantly, maybe even a bit cautiously, he turned to me. I wondered if his heart was thumping like mine was. He said nothing, but I swore I could feel the unspoken you didn't answer my question.

The humming engine emphasized the silence between us, and my inability to look him in the eye only made his gentle scrutiny that much harder to ignore. 

Finally, I couldn't take anymore.

"There's, uh . . ." Whoa, my heart really was going crazy. "Can I confess something?"

Travis inclined his head. "If it's the whereabouts of Captain Rodriguez's tape dispenser, I don't want to lose my plausible deniability."

I laughed for real, which helped me calm down. Sort of. Got me breathing, anyway. "If I knew, I wouldn't tell you."

"Good. So . . ." His eyebrow arched. "What's your confession?"

"Well." I exhaled. "Okay, you know what? I'll just put it out there. The other night, when I left and then came back to the Navy Ball . . ." I stared out the windshield.

Travis watched me. He didn't say a word, and somehow the silence was worse than if he'd prodded me.

Finally, I shook my head. "I'll be honest-I hate those things. It's like prom for adults."

Travis laughed. "Me too. They're awful."

"But you went?"

He shrugged. "My daughter wanted to go." He studied me. "And you went too."

"Yeah." I focused on the building ahead of us again. "Yeah, I . . ." Oh hell. No point in dancing around the topic, was there? "I brought Logan because I wanted to come out. To the command. Put it out there that I have-had a boyfriend." I covered my face with both hands and muttered, "God, it sounds so stupid now."

"But mission accomplished, right?"

"Something like that." I pressed my thumb and forefinger into the bridge of my nose. "And instead of getting it off my chest and being out, I realized our relationship was a disaster." I closed my eyes and sighed. "What I should have- Christ, I was such a fucking idiot. I could've just come out, you know? Mentioned him. Not made such a big deal out of it."

"I don't think you really made a big deal out of it. You showed up with a guy like it was perfectly normal. Since, you know, it is perfectly normal."

Said the man who probably hadn't been looking down the barrel of forty the first time he'd had sex with a man. Maybe all this was normal for him. Or even for this command. For me? Not so much.