“I can’t believe I’ve lived less than two hours away from this and have never driven down here.” The cardigan was pulled tighter around her back as she wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the horizon. “It is so beautiful. I wish I could swim out to where the color is starting to fade away. I could just disappear from everything. From everyone.” Her voice had dropped lower and the sadness in it was just too much for him.
Feet moving of their own accord, he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her against his chest. They stared out at the ocean for several long minutes. He knew he needed to tell her who he really was. Already he had waited too long.
“I’m sorry I freaked out back in the truck. I just”—she took a deep breath—“I haven’t been with a man in a very long time and it just brought up some old, painful memories.”
He had known that she had a traumatic past. It didn’t take a detective to see the small, subtle signs of what she went through. The stiffness when he first touched her, the way she was always on edge, the fear in her eyes when those drunks assholes had dared to bother her.
Not thinking anymore, he let his heart lead the way. “I was married once, years ago.” He expected her to stiffen, but she remained motionless. “Her name was Addie and she was pregnant with our first baby.” He looked at the crushing waves beating against the rocks. The sound was ominous and soothing all at the same time. “A little girl. We were going to name her Molly.” Just thinking about them made his chest ache. He released one of his arms from around her and rubbed the center of his chest, right over his heart. It had been a long time since he let himself open up completely and let the memories of Addie and their child wash through him. He needed Brea as close as he could while he told her this. Wrapping his arm back around her, he rested his head on top of hers and spilled his heart.
“We were going to have one of those ultrasounds where you can actually see the baby in 3D. Addie was so damn excited about it.” A smile touched his lips as he remembered that day. The way she had been rubbing her belly and singing to her favorite song that was playing on the radio. “The car came out of nowhere. He was drunk at ten in the morning and ran a red light, slammed right into the passenger side of our car and killed Addie instantly. At least that’s what they told me. I’m glad she didn’t suffer.” The last part was more of a whisper.
Brea had placed her hands over his where they rested right over her belly. “When I came to I was so confused as to what had happened that I didn’t even know where I was. I had hit my head on the steering wheel and had been out for thirty minutes. When I finally remembered what happened I was frantic to know where Addie was, that she was okay. That our baby was okay.” The sound of the sirens, the smell of blood and dirt washed around him and it was like he was back on that street with medics surrounding him, shouting orders.
“I knew right then, when they were telling me to calm down, that they needed to see to my wounds and that someone would come talk to me, that she was dead.” The tears that he had held in since that fateful night were threatening to make an appearance. The only time he had cried was when they pulled that sheet back so he could make a positive ID.
“Adrian.”
“Please, let me finish. I want to tell you this. I’ve wanted to for a while. I need you to know who I am, what I am. I changed that day, Brea, and it wasn’t for the better.” The need to look into her eyes as he bared his soul was too strong to ignore. As if she read his mind, she turned around to face him. “I never used to be like this, so angry at the world. Since Addie and our baby died all I’ve wanted to do was inflict pain. I wanted everyone to feel what I felt. I hated my life, hated the man I had become, but I couldn’t move past it. Fighting gave me an outlet for my wrath, and it felt damn good making another man bleed. I don’t want to sugarcoat it and tell you I wish I didn’t turn out the way I did, because it would be a lie, and I don’t want to lie to you.” Why was it so hard to keep her stare? Probably because the damn sadness reflected in the blue depths was tearing him up inside.
“Adrian.” The light touch of her hand on his cheek had him closing his eyes and leaning into her. Brea’s touch was filled with gentleness and he found himself letting go of some of his agony. “I am so sorry.” That was the last thing he wanted to hear from her.
A quick shake of his head stopped her from continuing. “I don’t want you to be sorry, Brea. It was a long time ago and I wanted to share this with you because I want to be honest about my past. I care about you. A lot.” The wave crashing behind her was the only sound that drowned out the silence that threatened to swallow them whole.