“Colby?”
He shifted, slowly coming to face me. His eyes looked hooded, sexy, and inviting. “Yeah, Isla?”
And I chickened out. All the things I’d wondered and the questions I had fell short on my tongue, and instead I blurted, “I still have that yellow bear.”
His head cocked sideways, the corner of his mouth tugged up in the slightest of smiles.
“In a box, in my closet.”
And then he was in motion, slowly closing the gap between us. His darkened eyes focused squarely on my lips.
Lost in the moment, my heart overrode my brain and I didn’t care if he was drunk. After all what could one kiss hurt…besides our friendship. Again.
But I didn’t have to stifle the fears and doubts, because Colby made the decision for us both. Just as our lips met in the slightest brush of skin, he yanked back. His eyes widened, like he’d just woken up from a dream and had no idea how he’d gotten there.
And my heart broke a little. I stared at him in disbelief. How many times would this play out? And how many times would I fall for it? “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Nothing,” he snapped.
My hurt morphed into anger. Why was he mad at me? He had leaned in for the kiss. And like always, he had pulled away, making me feel like an idiot and reminding me exactly what I was to him. So I snapped back, “Are you sure? Because some days, I think we’re friends. Other days, I think we’ve lost that. And then there are moments like this…” I glanced up. “And I think you want more from me.”
He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off, needing to get it all out while I had the courage.
“Thing is,” I continued, “I thought I could do casual, but I was wrong. This…whatever it is…well, it’s tempting. Yet every time I feel myself being sucked back in, you go and remind me that I’m nothing more than a mistake.”
“A mistake?” He blinked as if trying to bring my words into focus. “A fucking mistake,” he muttered.
I guess I’d expected him to argue it, or maybe even reassure me, but instead he just looked, well, confused.
“I know you regret it,” I whispered.
He shot upright, his posture rigid, his eyes focused on me. Everything about him screamed volatile. Whoa.
“I regret straining our friendship, but regret and mistake are two very different things. I don’t know if I’m more offended for you or me.”
I stood, not wanting to give him the opportunity to tower over me, and crossed my arms tightly across my chest. “Why in the world would you be offended? I didn’t say you were the mistake.”
“No, you didn’t. Nor would that have offended me.” He ran his hand through his hair, then dragged it down his face, looking more sober than he had ten minutes ago. “I’m offended that you think I could ever see you as anything less than abso-fucking-lutely perfect. You, Isla, could never, nor will ever be a mistake. For me or any other guy lucky enough to have you in his life.”
Though his words were sweet, I couldn’t help but blurt, “Then why do we keep doing this? This constant back-and-forth. I’m sorry but I can’t help but feel like I’m your drunken desire turned sober mistake.”
His face twisted like he was angry or hurt or confused. But I had no idea which. After all, he’d been full of surprises all night.
I sighed, losing my steam. “I know you probably think I’m crazy, but well, I’m a girl and sometimes we can’t just shut it all down. I have feelings, Colby. And I let them get involved and I don’t know how to do this with you.”
“You think you’re the only one with feelings?”
“Well, it’s not like you talk about them. How else should I know if there’s actually more than one of us with feelings?”
He let out a humorless laugh. “And that is exactly the problem.” He brushed past me, and as he made his way to the door I could have sworn he mumbled, “Definitely more than one.”
“Oh no. You are not pulling that crap again. You do not just get to walk away when the conversation isn’t going your way.” I reached for his arm and forced him to stop. “Why does it need to be like this?” My shoulders sagged and my voice lowered, the fire gone. “Just explain it to me. Tell me something. Anything. Help me understand so I don’t have to feel like the crazy one here.”
His eyes drifted to the ground and for a moment I thought he’d completely shut down, but then he murmured, “Landon.”
Just because he looked to have sobered up, obviously he hadn’t. “I don’t even know why I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you when you’ve obviously had too much to drink,” I muttered more to myself than him as I walked past. “Like always, you’ve brought out stupid-decision-Isla. Congratulations!”