Adam's List(77)

His fingers are tender and slow as they remove my shirt and shorts, then my frilly panties and laced bra. Once I’m completely naked, exposing all my imperfections for him to see for the first time, he takes me in like I’m an art piece at a gallery. His hands follow my every curve, sending my nerves on edge. He stops to kiss every part he touches. His lips circle each of my breasts, the tip of his tongue teasing my nipples before he sucks them in gently.

His mouth continues down, covering each pocket of cellulite I’ve stressed over, the stretch marks at my thighs from when I lost my freshman fifteen. His mouth hovers between my legs, pausing before giving me a kiss down there that’s warm and light.

Soft moans fill my throat when his tongue dances against me. My hips rise and fall with his kisses and my fingers curl up inside his supple hair.

“Adam,” I purr softly. “Please. I want all of you.”

He stops all at once, staring up at me from between my thighs. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

I bring him up to unbutton his shorts and remove them along with his boxers, pushing them down his legs. I push him on to his back, taking my turn to touch and kiss every part of him as he did to me. He’s already hard from exploring my body, but I don’t want to rush things. I don’t want this intimate moment between us to turn so hot that we’re only repeating the steamy scene on the bus, even though it was pretty damn good.

“Has anyone else ever seen all of you like this?” I ask, my fingertips brushing over his scars.

The lump in his throat bobs before he shakes his head. “Only you.”

I lean down to kiss them again, as if my lips could somehow heal them. If only we lived in a world filled with real magic. If only there was a way to fix Adam, cure him of his diabetes and give us a fighting chance. I’d even settle for a way to make him realize the transplant is worth the risk, to give us more time together.

“These scars, they don’t matter. They don’t change the fact that you’re still the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on. Seeing you here...now...I can’t believe this is really happening. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

“You have my heart, too, you know,” he manages, tenderly brushing his fingers against my cheeks.

I crawl back up to him, pressing my lips to his mouth. He rolls me over to take the top position, stopping to kiss the curve of my neck, the hollow of my collar bone. “I love you,” he whispers against my skin. “So much it hurts.”

I bring his mouth back to mine. The kisses go on for an eternity, but they’re still never enough. Every moment I have left with Adam will never be enough. Preparing to make love to him feels like just one of many goodbyes that are to come.

He stops to grab a condom from his shorts on the floor. I stroke his thighs and watch as he rolls it on. I’m holding back tears when he positions himself over me, waiting for my permission, waiting for me to accept him for what he is. Loving and broken.

“Yes,” I plead, digging my fingers into his back. “I can’t wait any longer.”

And then he fills me, slowly, drawing the motion out as we watch each other. No one has ever looked at me the way Adam does, so compassionate and filled with respect.

I’ve never felt love so deep it literally steals my breath. I gasp when he thrusts into me, hard and eager. His mouth covers my lips over and over, as if to breathe life back into them.

“I love you,” I say, cupping his face in my hands. “Nothing will ever change that.”

Tears run from my eyes into my hair. Adam brushes them away as he rocks against me, over and over, his eyes never closing, never looking away unless he’s trying to kiss my tears away. Kissing my forehead. Kissing my eyelids. Kissing my cheeks. My mouth.

Keeping his kisses gentle, both his tongue and strokes languid.

He groans into my ear as he climaxes, his muscles tense as he quivers in my arms. I bury my face in his chest to cry privately, but he won’t let me rest.

“I want you to finish, too,” he says, sinking his face back down to my tender spot.

Though he takes his time just as he did when we made love, I’m nearly there and it doesn’t take long before I buckle beneath him, crying out his name and finding my own euphoria.

As I lay in Adam’s arms, I’m filled with love, and ecstasy, and a peace that comes with loving someone so wholly who loves me back, knowing I’ve given him everything I have to offer. The only thing left to do is hope he’ll come to his senses and realize our love is worth fighting for. I can’t help but wonder, knowing what lies ahead, if I’ve made a colossal mistake by giving him my heart. Because unless I can convince him to undergo the surgery, going back from here will be impossible.