Adam's List(71)
His eyes close for a long pause. They’re internally bruised when they look back down on me. “I know you don’t mean that. Let’s not do this here.”
“Yeah, I agree. I’m over it.”
The weight of stares from the others falls heavy on my conscience. I turn to them with the same artificial pep that kept me going through my days of cheerleading. “Who’s ready to do some shots?”
As the guys holler excitedly, I turn my back on Adam.
All plans to keep myself under control go out the door with the third shot of Patrón.
I’m usually a pro at holding my liquor, but anger, confusion, hurt, and every other crappy feeling that has swelled up inside make me a virtual mess. Rather than worrying about whether or not I’m crushing Adam’s ego by flirting with the guys, I’m busy dirty dancing to the loud music with Theo, trying to forget Adam’s only a few heartbeats away.
It isn’t long before Theo slows his pace, slipping his bulging arms around my waist and pushing his hips against me. I feel it against my belly—the understanding that Adam and I aren’t officially a thing, and his urgent desire to be with me. I hear it in his shallow breaths when he touches his rough jaw to my forehead. I can even smell it on him among the scent of expensive cologne and sweat pouring out in eager pheromones.
The promise of sex dangles in the air like forbidden fruit. The booze and provocative dancing have improved his appearance to a point that I’m incredibly turned on, clouding my usual impeccable judgment. I want to kiss him, even though I don’t want to kiss him.
It’s still Adam I want to kiss, and love, and spend the rest of forever with.
But it doesn’t seem like it will ever happen.
“So you and Adam...” Theo licks his full lips, fixing his green orbs with mine. Drinking me in. “Are you fair game?”
By dancing so intimately with Theo, letting him touch me in ways Adam has, I’ve wandered down a dangerous path, one that would forever destroy any chances of Adam and I being together. These are the kind of choices that define a person.
“No. I’m not. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”
Sucking in a deep breath, I back away, nearly colliding with Adam. He’s staring Theo down with a look that could land them both in the hospital.
“I’m taking her home,” Adam finally says, not breaking the stare. “Thanks for everything. We’ll let you know if we’re still up for the party tomorrow.”
Theo nods with a sexy, confident smirk. “Alright.”
“Thanks,” I add in a soft voice. “See you tomorrow.”
Theo slings his arms around my neck, burying me like a little child in his massive hold. “Something tells me these are going to be an interesting couple of weeks,” he whispers into my ear.
Adam takes my hand, pulling me away. I can feel anger rolling off him when he leans in to say, “Next time you can skip the shots.”
Though I’m still conscious as I leave the party, strung around Adam and throwing goodbyes to each of the guys on our way out, the drinks pull me under like a dark, heavy blanket.
Dull pounding of my head keeps me from sitting up. On the nightstand there’s a bottle of Advil and a glass of water dripping with perspiration. I roll over to wash down a few pills before swinging my feet off the bed, moaning. I’m still dressed in my outfit from the day before and smell the stench of tequila on my skin. After patting down my mangled hair, I realize Adam’s standing in the doorway. Fingers stuck in his pockets, hair and clothes fresh as the morning, his loving eyes make me feel like a complete dirt bag.
“Get ready. I’ll be waiting downstairs.”
The mouth-watering aroma of cinnamon drifts toward me when I head down to the kitchen, feeling like a new person after a long, hot shower. On the countertop there’s a large slice of coffee cake and a Styrofoam cup with steam rising from its lid, my name scribbled on the side. Stomach rumbling, I reach for the goodies but freeze when I see Adam leaning on the balcony, overlooking the neighborhood with a quiet calm.
Ragged beats of my heart shake my entire body. I was a total ass to him last night. It all started because I didn’t want to let myself feel this raking urge to be with Adam, not just for the sex, but because of who he is and who he makes me become when we’re together. But I screwed up when I made the sex become a cheap thing. I screwed up when I let my hormones overrule my heart.
Only one of two things can happen at this point. We’ll continue on as lovers, embracing our feelings that could possibly grow into something serious that will probably eventually destroy me, or we’ll break apart and ruin the beauty our once friendly relationship created. The middle ground has disappeared among meaningful kisses and exhibition sex. Either way, it seems our relationship will end in disaster. It’s an ultimatum I’d do damn near anything to avoid.