TWO
The beginning of my freshman year when I was still in constant touch with my high school friends and still with Jason, I was religious about hitting these house parties.
Jess and Lauren, two of the girls I was especially close with from the cheerleading squad, would come back on the weekends from their colleges to join me, and I’d introduce them to guys like some kind of match-maker. I was still in my element, still the popular girl who guys wanted to date, even though it was common knowledge I was off limits.
The last time Jess and Lauren came to stay with me, Kelly was home for a sister’s wedding, and I was beginning to fully understand what it would be like to date Jason all four years of college. He had just been sent over to Afghanistan, and I wasn’t dealing well with the fact that he was in harm’s way. I wasn’t able to handle the reality that we would see each other in person maybe once a year. It was that much harder to watch my friends flirt with a group of cute guys.
That night I scanned the busy room as I sipped my beer. At first when I chose to go to the local college, I was afraid I’d constantly run into people I knew. Not that it would’ve mattered, because I was on friendly terms with pretty much everyone by then, but I was looking forward to a fresh start away from the old gossip and drama. I was pleasantly surprised when I only saw two classmates my first semester. But having Jess and Lauren with me made me realize just how much I was starting to miss my old life.
“You’re like, really quiet tonight,” Jess said as she joined me. “Everything alright?”
“I miss him,” I told her, fighting back tears. “And there really isn’t anything I can look forward to. I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”
Jess pushed her long, straight black hair behind her shoulder before she hugged me. It was a sincere hug, the kind that said “I’m here for you.” She was always the most level-headed of my friends, always kind. She pulled back, her eyes bright and glossy from drinking.
“I’m sure it’s tough. I can’t imagine starting out college tied down like that when you don’t even get to see him. You should come hang out with me and Lauren. These guys are eating out of the palm of her hand. They’re kind of funny, too. It wouldn’t hurt anything if you flirted with them a little, would it?”
I agreed with her and joined them as she suggested. Innocent flirting was all I ever intended to do, but half a dozen beers and a few jello shots later, I found myself alone in a corner with a guy whose name I didn’t even catch. He was tall and lanky with an accent that my foggy brain had a hard time understanding. I remember how he stood close as we talked, his whiskey tinged breath falling across my face. I remember when his fingers brushed against my arm, I told myself it was time to walk away.
What I don’t remember is who initiated the intense kiss, or how I had become entwined with a total stranger before Lauren intervened, pulling me away.
For many days to follow, I was wrought with a crippling guilt. I knew telling Jason was probably the right thing to do, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I kept picturing him sitting in front of a computer, thousands of miles from home, surrounded by violence, listening to his idiot girlfriend confess that while he was away, fighting for his country, she was off kissing another guy. So I did the next best thing I could think of, and broke up with him instead. I was ashamed, and started to realize that I wasn’t good enough for him anyway.
Jess and Lauren didn’t return my calls or answer my Facebook messages after that night. Before long I realized they didn’t know what to say to me anymore. They were probably even more disappointed than I was that I had cheated on a hero.
Searching through the packed house, stopping everyone I know to ask if they’ve seen Kelly, I realize just how totally over this scene I’ve become. I’m done with the leering guys, the eager girls trying to hook up with them, the mindless conversations, and the rancid stench of vomit in random places. It was kind of fun in the beginning, before I cheated on Jason, but now it’s just kind of sad and makes everyone seem desperate to get laid.
I push my way past the sweaty bodies, not even bothering to look up at their faces.
Kelly’s wearing sparkling flats from my closet, so there’s no way I’ll miss her feet.
Adam’s just a step behind me, his spearmint breath on my neck, his warm hand on my back whenever we have to stop for someone in my way. I don’t miss the way every girl in the place leers after him.
“Maybe you should try calling her again,” Adam suggests.
I nod and find my way to a relatively quiet corner to dial her number, holding my hand against my free ear. It rings half a dozen times before I’m greeted by her obnoxiously spirited message. “Hey, it’s Kel! I suck at returning calls, but leave a message if that’s your thing!”