Another morning comes, or at least I assume by the daylight trying to rip me from my cave. Time slips into a black hole. I only get up once or twice to pee. Kelly tries to wake me a few times. I hear the low tone of her voice as she talks to someone on the phone.
Later on, after I hear her say she’s leaving for classes, there’s a burst of knocks on the door. I stay curled up in a ball on the couch, imagining myself disappearing, physically becoming the nothing I feel inside.
I wake to find my mom looming over me, her features pinched, her voice agitated. I don’t understand her words as they spurt from her. Kelly stands a few feet behind, anxiously chewing on her fingernails. Something small and light is pressed into my hands, and I’m given a glass of water.
I don’t think, I just swallow it down.
My mom’s signature floral perfume invades my nostrils before I even open my eyes.
“Jewels?”
She pulls the blanket away from my head, forcing me to shield my eyes from the intrusion of a harsh light. Whether it’s the start of another day or just the light turned on in our room, I don’t know. I remove my hand, groaning.
My mom stands over me in high boots and skinny jeans with a dainty pink scarf draped over an ivory blouse. It’s something I would wear. Even her blond hair, one shade lighter than my own, is curled in the same twisted waves Kelly likes to give me for special occasions. I’m surprised she hasn’t had any plastic surgery yet to hide her crow’s feet, and attempt to be my exact twin.
“Jewels, what happened to you?”
My stomach twists. Kelly is no longer in the room. Just how much did she tell my mom? “I haven’t been feeling well,” I mutter, wiping at my face, and slowly dragging my feet to the ground. I don’t feel like functioning quite yet, but I need to put on a good show if I expect my mom to leave me alone ever again.
She reaches down to touch my forehead, her collection of sparkling bangles clinking against her wrist. “Why didn’t you call? You know the agreement. I had to take time off work to come check on you. Have you been taking your medication?”
“Sorry,” I say, although I don’t really mean it. “I’ve been sick. I guess I forgot to take it the last couple of days because I wasn’t feeling well.”
“You’re not running a temperature.” She sits on the edge of the couch where my legs were two seconds ago. “Is there something you need to tell me?”
I bristle. This is the part where she tells me I’m not ready to be ton my own, where she informs me she’s arranged for my things to be sent back home. She knows something’s off, and I have to provide her with a reasonable explanation to appease her worry. To keep her from thinking I’m so far gone that I need to spend a few days in the hospital again.
“I broke up with Levi.”
“For god’s sake, Jewels. That’s what all of this is about? Do you need to see Doctor Klein again?” She fusses with the blanket, her lips pulled down in a disapproving frown.
I sit tall, subtly shrugging her hands off. “I’m fine. I’m over him. I’m serious, Mom. I got this nasty flu is all.”
“Were you drinking?” she asks, her tone sharp. Her hazel eyes study me with a load of disappointment.
One of the conditions that my parents set for me to live in the dorms was that I can’t drink while on my depression meds. If she knew the truth, she’d be stuffing my things into bags with the speed of a Tasmanian devil.
“God, Mom, no. Can’t I get a normal cold like everyone else?” I lick my dry lips. “I’m going back to class today. I’m sorry you had to take off work. My phone died, and I was too sick to care.”
There’s another rapid knock at the door. I spring to my feet. My head still feels cloudy, but I’m focused on trying to look fine so my mom will just leave. I swing the door open to find Adam, looking like hell. Like someone ran him over. Twice.
He exhales deeply, his shoulders sinking. “You’re up.”
I pull the door up against my back. “My mom’s here,” I say before he starts in on what happened last time we saw each other. “I’ll call you later.”
“Who is it?” Mom calls from behind me. “Just because I’m here doesn’t mean you can’t have company.”
I press on the bridge of my nose, feeling my life spiraling out of control. Adam’s watching me with a concerned look, so I shake my head while opening the door farther.
He steps into the room, resting his arm on the curve of my lower back. What’s with all the mixed signals? I want to snap at him, but I’ve already done enough to make Mom suspicious.