By the time Friday rolls around, I’m either doodling Adam’s name like a love-struck high school girl, or secretly planning out places we could hit on our epic trip across the country. That afternoon I’m so lost in daydreams as I walk across campus to my last class that I hardly notice when my phone vibrates in my hand. I look down to find my first text from Adam.
Hate to do this, but have to take a raincheck for tonight. I’ll call u tomorrow.
We had reservations for a comedy club in Rochester as a way to reward ourselves for all the studying we’ve crammed in. My heart sinks as the voice of self-doubt immediately takes over, storming in like an uninvited guest. He didn’t give any explanation for why he’s canceling. Although things have been going so well between us, what if he changed his mind about me altogether, and this is the official blow-off?
For the rest of the day, it’s as if a storm cloud hangs over every move I make, dark and cold, sucking every bit of joy from me that’s built up in the time I spent with Adam.
Since I asked for the night off from the library, there’s nothing to stop me from obsessing over our canceled plans. I waste a couple hours completing assignments, flipping through the boring channels on TV, and even trying to read a book before getting incredibly frustrated. Even my favorite playlist of songs fails to calm me down.
I resort to pacing the room, my irrational fears nearly crippling. Why would he cancel without giving any kind of reason? What if he randomly tells me the trip is off, and just disappears from my life as quickly as he came in?
This is exactly why I can’t let myself get involved with someone again. I’ve become emotionally unhinged.
When Kelly comes breezing in from work, I heave in great relief. “Thank god. We need to go somewhere. Do something. Get me the hell out of here.”
She peels her sweatshirt off, giving me a wild look. “What’s with you? You out of crack or something?”
“No. I just...I don’t know. I’m on edge, I guess.” I take a long, slow breath, gathering my hair into a ponytail behind my head. “Adam and I had plans tonight, and he just randomly canceled. No excuse, nothing.”
“Ah.” As she quickly strips out of her uniform on the way to our shared closet, she’s giggling. “It’s only been a week since you dumped the anchor, and you’re all hyped up over this new guy. Codependent much?”
Irritated, I rub at my face. “Can we just forget it and go out? I need to go...somewhere. I can’t stay in this stupid room any longer.”
“Whatever you say.” She emerges from the closet, already wearing skinny jeans and my favorite turquoise blouse. “Get dressed. We’re going to Matt’s.”
Going to a frat house wasn’t what I had in mind when I told Kelly I wanted to get out, especially after nearly losing her last time we went out together. But a much smaller crowd gathers at the old two-story house our friend shares with twelve others. Most of the brothers have some level of a girlfriend, and I get along with most of them. Nights like this I feel awkward, however, like the proverbial third wheel on a big rig. Still, I’m thankful for the distraction, and glad that Kelly is willing to humor me.
Kelly and Matt have a hot and cold relationship that I quit trying to understand long ago. She sits on his lap while sipping on her drink, his long fingers comfortably resting at the top of her thighs. He’s a decent guy with boyish looks and bedroom eyes that sometimes make me flush, plus, he always makes the Dean’s List. I guess he’s just not interested in dating anyone at this point in life, and Kelly’s okay with the occasional hook up.
The guys mostly talk about sports, so I find myself playing with my phone half the night, pinning cute outfits and trolling on irritating videos. I nearly jump out of my seat when my phone suddenly rings, a selfie of Levi and I from one drunken night filling the screen. I pull in a long, stuttering breath. Even if Adam doesn’t ever call me again after today, it was still a wise decision to cut loose from Levi.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell Kelly, slipping into the hallway. The smell of old house mixed in with what I think to be stale beer and sweaty feet about makes me gag. My heartbeat rakes my chest when I accept the call, bracing myself for the sound of Levi’s sexy voice.
“Jewels?” his speech is drawn out, although not quite slurred. “Baby, where are you?
I want to see you.”
I let out a low laugh under my breath. There’s nothing about these drunken booty calls from him that I could ever possibly miss. Since I couldn’t get into the bars, most nights he was out I’d stay home to watch movies. He’d come looking for me after closing to have sex before passing out.