Her teeth were professionally whitened, and she was forbidden to consume coffee, dark soda or wine until after the photo session. She had to be gleaming white. Any suggestion that she consumed caffeine or alcohol and stained her teeth might permanently alienate all the Power Regions stockholders, apparently.
Sierra, the stylist who was coordinating Marj’s magazine debut, took her though a personal shopping gambit at a high-end department store and narrowed the selection down to three contenders. Marj’s hopes of choosing something that she loved, something that was really ‘her’, dwindled to embers at the sight of the trio of wannabe Princess Kate frocks. Silk dresses all, in royal blue, emerald green and, worst of all, a cotton candy pink, hung in a row on the pegs of the fitting room. They all had sleeves. They all covered her fiercely toned thighs all the way to the knee. They were each one the epitome of designer elegance, cut simply and beautifully and without the slightest touch of personality or flair. They were expensive and unassuming—just as Marj was supposed to be in the interview. In the end, Marj let the stylist choose and didn’t put up the slightest protest at the green silk jersey day dress that would have been perfectly at home on a local dignitary at a Shamrock festival. In fact, she pictured bagpipes, a tweedy coat and a close fitting dapper hat to complete the ensemble…if she’d been inspecting sheep and the royal guards in Ireland, perhaps. As it was, a single strand of matched pearls and tiny gold studs were all the accessories she was granted.
As much time as it had taken to groom her body, the preparation of her personality was even more exhaustive. She had to speak first with an articulation specialist to polish her pronunciation of a few words that showed her ‘working class background’ and her public education. Her vowels were too nasal; her g’s had a tendency to drop off entirely if she was talking too fast. And she talked way too fast. And too flippantly. Her vocabulary was full of slang, of pop culture references and plenty of sub-par factors. She had to eliminate anything too casual, too crude. Vulgar, Sierra had assured her, meant ‘common’ and no mere commoner could possibly hold her own in this interview.
The reporter was used to visiting the country manors of the old money aristocracy and talking to the brides about their dressage horses and charity work. Not about whether Ryan Gosling was hotter than Bradley Cooper or if the sequel Magic Mike XXL was better than the original (two topics Marj brought up during the training session). Mandy Manners, Marj’s nickname for Ms. Reising the etiquette expert, nearly fainted dead away at the mention of male strippers. This was supposed to be a civilized conversation, an interview about their whirlwind romance and timeless love story. No one, but no one was to mention the dangly man parts of Channing Tatum and company, original or sequel! Ms. Reising had cleared her throat after that and thrown back what looked suspiciously like straight gin before proceeding.
She coached Marj to talk about the specialness of becoming part of Brandon’s world, and how she was coming to fully appreciate the opportunity it gave her to become very active and influential in a charitable way. She could talk about the after school program she’d helped, and how inspiring it was. She could discuss ways they collaborated to make the world a better place. And she could talk about their romantic time together in Dubai and Mexico and how his work schedule just made all their time together seem like an extended honeymoon. She was not to complain about how many hours he worked or how online shopping got boring, and she couldn’t really relate to the rich women in the corporate circle because she was used to being a middle management drone. She could spin it as the chance to seek really fulfilling and original consulting work instead. There was a great deal of, ‘no, do not say that!’ for about an hour before they came to understand each other.
At that point, Marj made drinks for them both, and they toasted to lying smoothly and beautifully. Marj also made a mental note to send Ms. Reising the DVD’s of the Magic Mike series so she could loosen up a bit. As it was, they concluded that the interview would likely be a successful one-time event. Anyone, Ms. Reising said with resignation, could control themselves for a single afternoon. Surely Marj wouldn’t say anything shocking. Just to reassure herself, she ran through the questions one more time.
“Now, Mrs. Cates, the reporter will ask you what you love most about Brandon. How will you answer?”
“The first time I met him, I noticed he has incredibly thick wrists. You know, there’s really nothing to that adage about a man’s thumb and finger length in proportion to his dick, but a thick wrist will always tell the truth. A man with skinny wrists will have a scrawny, useless erection that—“