I stared out into the night, focusing on Brendan Fraser's goofy-handsome mug.
God, I hoped he was kidding about the hair-in-the-drain thing. Gross.
"And I am supposed to react to this how?"
"With a forgiving heart and a forgetful brain? I will settle for a permanent blackout of all memories connected to me interrupting what was a very enjoyable make-out session by freaking out and running away like a little girl."
"Why did you run away like a little girl?" I asked. "Which made me feel just awesome, by the way. Super-attractive and desirable."
"No, no," he said, shifting his body toward mine, bending his knee so his shin brushed against my ass. "I want you. I want you on a level that would definitely not help my stalker status. But we started kissing, and I realized that I am not comfortable doing any of that in that house, with a mind-reader sleeping down the hall and people who have known me for years. So between that and the general ‘sire feelings' freak-out, I ran."
"Is this sudden avalanche of confessional feelings a result of the epic love story that is Gigi and her chiseled Russian boyfriend, and you realizing they're never going to break up?" I asked.
Ben scoffed. "No. If anything, being around Gigi reminded me why we weren't all that great together. We're too damn similar."
"You proposed to her," I noted.
"Because I was afraid I would lose her otherwise. I could feel her pulling away from me, trying to find a way out without hurting my feelings. I panicked. She was my first love, and we made sense, and I didn't think I would ever find someone else who . . . Well, anyway, when I asked her, she broke up with me, and rightly so, because fear is a terrible reason to ask someone to spend the rest of her life with you."
"I'll take your word for it," I told him.
"I want to find a way for us to get back to the people we were sitting out in front of the dorm . . . before you were crushed by a flying free weight. Because I liked those people. They were good together."
"Our meet-cute is not like other people's meet-cute." I sighed. "I like you, too. But I'm torn between those feelings of like and knowing that there's a very good chance you could freak and run out on me. Or just decide to be a dick again and make me feel so uncomfortable in my own temporary home that I think I can't move without weirding someone out. I don't like either option."
"And if I promised I wouldn't do that again?" he asked. "That I wouldn't run away or shut down?"
"That's really easy to promise and twice as easy to forget," I countered. "I need to feel anchored somewhere, Ben. I need to feel like I can't be kicked out of my home, even if it's only home for a little while. I don't want to risk what I have at Jane's. No matter how cute you are."
"What if I said that if it ever got awkward again, I would ask Jane to send me to some other vampire for fostering?"
I shook my head. "Jane wouldn't do that."
"She would if I asked her."
He was offering to make sure I was safe, comfortable. It was more than I'd been offered by any of my previous potential romantic partners, who considered covering pizza to be a big gesture. I wasn't sure Jane would honor his request, but it meant a lot that he was willing to give up his own comfort to guarantee mine.
Yes, he'd been a jerk, but he was apologizing. And his olive branch was more trunk-sized. While it didn't make up for everything, it was something to consider.
"I can't ask you to do that." I sighed again. "You don't have a lot of places you feel safe, either. Besides, we're under such heavy restrictions that if you lived somewhere else, we'd never see each other."
"Aw, your self-restraint is so sweet," he said, bumping me with his shoulder. "I can't promise you much, but I will do everything I can to make sure you don't feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in Jane's house, even if this doesn't work out."
"This is not a commitment," I told him. "This is like a tryout, to see if we would be any good at dating if and when we're ever released into the wild. If it goes well, great. Maybe once we're back on campus, we can be a couple who likes each other but doesn't live together. If it goes badly, we're just going to have to learn to coexist in the house in a way that doesn't make me want to throw a van at you."
///
"I think we can make this work. I just have to get past the whole hang-up about Jane's house."
"So I guess we have to establish a rule: nothing in the house," I said cheerfully. "Nothing under Jane's roof. Too many weird emotional strings attached there."