When I didn't respond with the expected girlish giggle, he added, "Just a little science joke. So, kids, we're just going to expose you to some of our better-known weaknesses and see how you react. Now, Miss Keene, please have a seat."
Ben raised his hand. "Can we get back to ‘vegetable'?"
"Yes," I agreed, pointing to Ben as I climbed onto the hospital bed next to him. The papery mattress cover crinkled under my butt, but honestly, the fact that the Council was worried about hygiene was the only comforting thing in this room. "I would like to talk about that."
Dr. Hudson waved his hand dismissively. "I submitted an initial report to Mrs. Jameson-Nightengale. I'm sure she'll explain it to you."
The idea that he couldn't be bothered to give us details about our own DNA irked me. Dr. Hudson, for all his zip-a-dee-doo-dah cheer, was not a good guy. Hell, I wasn't even sure he was a decent scientist. Because he whipped the cover off the tray, flourishing it like something in an infomercial, to reveal a small silver cylinder, a big wooden cross, a tube marked "Minced Garlic," a couple of jars of liquid I didn't recognize, and-
///
"Is that a wooden stake?" I asked, nodding to the pointy object in question.
Dr. Hudson shrugged, as if it was totally expected to find a wooden stake in a medical lab. "Well, sure, we have to know how you respond to being staked. That's one of our key questions, isn't it?"
I shook my head. "But it would be answered pretty definitively if we, say, burst into a cloud of dust. Which, even in the name of scientific discovery, seems a little excessive."
"Yeah, I don't think we should just get stabbed in the heart experimentally," Ben agreed. "That's kind of like claiming that someone's a werewolf just because they die when you shoot them in the heart with a silver bullet. A bullet to the heart is going to kill pretty much anybody."
"Let's just see where the tests take us," Dr. Hudson said, walking across the lab to check some machine making beeping noises.
"He's going to try to do it anyway, isn't he?" I asked, lowering my voice.
Ben nodded. "I'd say there's about a ninety percent chance."
"Do we have to stay for this? I mean, it's reasonable to walk out of a medical appointment if you think your doctor's going to try to scientifically murder you, right?"
"Jane told us to cooperate," Ben whispered. "I think that means sticking around until he actively tries to murder us."
"Can we take our first step toward meaningful friendship by being ‘not getting staked in the heart' buddies?" I asked him.
"I'll watch your chest if you'll watch mine." He grimaced, and while I could see him struggling not to glance down at my cleavage, he totally did. "That came out wrong."
It was a long and unpleasant evening. First, Dr. Hudson exposed us to things that didn't affect regular vampires. We were able to see ourselves in mirrors. We were able to hold crucifixes with no problem. He spritzed a small amount of holy water on our arms. Nothing. Having minced garlic rubbed on our wrists didn't have any effect other than smelling gross to our super-sensitive noses.
"Now we move on to the more effective antivampire measures," Dr. Hudson said, just a little too much excitement bubbling through his already upbeat voice. He took a shiny chrome canister from the tray. "This is a very weak solution of colloidal silver, just one percent, mind you, to test your sensitivity to silver. Based on responses from other vampires, it should inflict minimal damage, something like a moderate sunburn."
"You sprayed this on other vampires to test it out?" I asked. "I feel so sorry for your interns."
"It was a sacrifice they were willing to make for science. Now, shall we allow ladies first?" Dr. Hudson asked, motioning for me to roll up my sleeve.
I chewed on my lip. "Is this because I joked about your interns?"
"No," Ben objected. "You should use it on me first."
"No, actually, that makes sense," I told Ben. "I'm patient zero. Whatever is wrong with us happened to me first. Maybe it will affect me differently from how it affects you."
"I don't like it," Ben said.
"Duly noted." I nodded, rolling up my sleeve. "But I get to determine whether I get sprayed with potentially dangerous chemicals. Because feminism."
"I don't think that's applicable here," Ben said as I held out my arm and took a deep breath. Ben took the other hand and gripped it tight.