Accidental Bride(34)
He lifted her head so he could see her face, whatever was visible in the dark room. “Why wouldn’t you be a normal woman?”
“I didn’t mean I wasn’t a normal woman. I’ve just always been the youngest, the one everyone knew would never get herself a man.”
He frowned. “But you did that on purpose, right. You always made sure your grandma wouldn’t try to match you up with anyone.”
“I know. But I’ve done it so long that it’s kind of become part of me. And it just feels strange that people would look at me and think something else.” She sighed and lowered her head again, resting it against the side of his chest, since she was still tucked up in his arm. “I’m probably not explaining it well.”
“No, I think I get it. I’d always been a Blake growing up. I mean, that was the only way people saw me. So it was so strange when I took off and went to Europe and no one had any idea who I was. I could be anyone. It was strange—and incredibly freeing.”
She nodded, swallowing over a swell of feeling at how perfectly Peter had understood her. “Yeah. It’s just like that. Why shouldn’t I be just any woman, on a honeymoon with her husband?”
“You can be. You can be that woman. You can be anyone you want.” Peter’s voice now had a rough texture that she liked.
She liked it a lot.
She wanted to keep talking, but she was suddenly afraid by how intimate it all felt. She really needed to be careful, or she’d start getting ideas that would just leave her crushed.
They were already a week into their six week marriage. And, no matter how much she might want to be this new woman, she was still Kelly Beaufort. Her life was in an old house in Savannah. Her family needed her, and she was never going to let them down.
She could play at being someone else for a few weeks, but she had to remember that it had a definite end date.
And she didn’t want to have a broken heart at the end of it.
***
Peter stayed awake long after Kelly fell asleep.
She’d felt so soft and clingy as they were talking that he’d started to have some hopes that the evening could turn in a particular direction. But it obviously never crossed her mind. She liked to be close to him. That much was clear. But she didn’t want it to go any further than a tame cuddle.
He told himself it was natural, after being just friends for so long. She wasn’t going to want to jump into bed with him without warning—just because.
But it was getting harder and harder to spend the night in bed with her and not be able to touch her the way he wanted.
His body definitely didn’t appreciate it, no matter how he tried to prepare himself in the shower before he got into bed.
He liked to hold her in his arms, though, even if it eventually became torturous, so he didn’t let her go, even after she fell asleep.
She was starting to recognize that things were different. She’d admitted it herself. Maybe he wasn’t as far away from what he wanted as he feared.
He tried to think through a strategy, but his mind instead went on flights of fancy. He imagined living with Kelly in that big Victorian house, turning it into a bed and breakfast, waking up to her smile every morning, sleeping with her every night, being allowed to take her the way he wanted.
His brain got lost on that path for too long, until his body started to misinterpret the feel of Kelly against him. It felt like he was surrounded by her, her softness, her scent, her hair.
Even when he grew aroused, he couldn’t yet bring himself to let her go. It was a sweet kind of torture, his body throbbing for her, knowing he couldn’t have her.
Eventually, she started to shift in her sleep. He wondered if she was dreaming. Then she started to move her hand on his chest in clumsy little grips. She made a few wordless sounds and kind of rubbed herself against him.
He groaned out loud. He couldn’t help it. He wanted to feel her like that so much.
After a minute, he realized that he couldn’t do this—get off on the feeling of her moving against him, when she was asleep and completely unconscious of it.
He groaned again as he very gently dislodged her arm and rolled away from her.
He felt cold and empty and pained as he heaved himself out of bed and walked quietly to the bathroom.
It was his own fault, though. He’d wanted to enjoy holding her in his arms, and now he was paying the price.
At least, she hadn’t been awake to witness the effects.
Seven
The following evening, Kelly was sitting up in bed again, waiting for Peter to come out of the bathroom.
She was chatting with her sisters in a group text message. They wanted to make sure she was having a good time and everything was going well with Peter.