“You’re welcome, but you don’t have to worry,” he said with a grin. “I’m not into straight guys.”
I nodded and let out a nervous laugh as Matt explained to his friend that I was trying to win Julia back. Shawn nodded sympathetically.
“So you guys are going to Booty on Friday? Mind if I tag along?” he asked.
“No, of course not,” I said immediately.
“Excellent,” he said. “We should go shopping tomorrow.”
“Shopping?”
“Yeah, you need some new threads if you’re going to impress the girl. Plus, they probably won’t let you in looking like you’re just there to hit on women. We need to gay you up.”
I paled and Matt laughed hysterically. I wanted to punch him.
“That goes for you too, big guy,” Shawn said, slapping Matt on the back.
“What?” he choked out.
I love karma.
“But there’s nothing wrong with my clothes!” my brother insisted.
“True,” Shawn agreed. “Maybe just a little manscaping for you.”
Manscaping?
I must have looked utterly confused next to Matt’s horrified expression.
“It’s when you trim and wax the hair on your body,” Shawn explained.
“B-but I won’t be taking my clothes off,” Matt stuttered.
“You might have to,” Shawn quipped.
Matt turned whiter than a sheet and gave me a look of pure desperation.
“I’m just joking!” Shawn laughed. “Although we really should do something about that unibrow of yours.”
Matt touched his eyebrows, frowning. “Really? I guess.”
“Yay, spa day and shopping!” Shawn exclaimed, clapping his hands in a way that seriously made me doubt his previous statement about not being gay. “Are you up for that, Stephen?” he asked me.
“Sure,” I said with a sigh. “If you think it will help me get her back.”
Matt seemed to have recovered and reached over to pat me on my back. “Don’t worry, bro. We’ll make you look great. She won’t be able to resist you.”
I couldn’t help but smile a little. It felt good to have their support and now I had a plan, at least. Although I would never have imagined that it would include a trip to a spa and a new gay-friendly wardrobe. Not in a million years.
My life certainly isn’t boring anymore.
* * *
“I don’t know, Matt,” I said as I stared at myself in the mirror. “Does this really look good?”
It was Friday night and we were at my apartment, about to go to the club.
“I think you look awesome,” he said, studying me carefully.
I looked in the mirror again and tried to view myself objectively. I was wearing ridiculously expensive shoes, which Shawn insisted was key when going to a gay club, dark denim jeans, a tight white T-shirt, and a black blazer. My hair was messy, which I knew that Julia liked, and the facial that Shawn had forced me to get at the spa had actually made my skin look really good and removed the few stress lines around my eyes. I looked young. Well, a lot closer to my own age than I had before, at least.
“Should I roll up my sleeves?” I asked.
“No!” Shawn and Matt shouted in unison, looking horrified at the suggestion.
“Not unless you’re going as Don Johnson,” Shawn added with a laugh.
Right. Miami Vice. Finally, a reference I get.
“So I’m ready?” I asked, turning to face them.
“Almost,” Shawn said. “Now for the pièce de résistance.” He spritzed some cologne on me that he had made me buy earlier that day and took a step back as if admiring a work of art. “And voila!” he said, throwing up his hands in a dramatic gesture.
“Dude, are you sure you’re not gay?” Matt asked, narrowing his eyes. “It’s totally cool if you are, of course.”
“What’s with the labels?” Shawn asked, shrugging his shoulders. “I just like people.”
“Thank you, guys,” I said, turning to look at myself again.
“No problem,” Matt told me. “Now let’s go get your girl back.”
I gave myself one final glance and smiled.
Here goes nothing.
Chapter 19
“You all right?”
I glanced at Matt before loosening my grip on the steering wheel and turning my attention back to the road, but I didn’t answer his question. The truth was that I was terrified. I was about to impersonate a gay man to gain access to a club so that I could ambush the girl I was in love with and beg for her forgiveness. As backup, I had my brother, who was just about the straightest man in the world, and his friend, who was “versatile,” whatever the heck that meant. He could definitely pass for gay, but that was apparently a label, and Shawn wasn’t comfortable with those. How we would ever get into that club was beyond me.