“No worries, just remember payback’s a bitch,” he said, grinning. “Do you want to come over to the bar for a little while and have a beer?”
“I don’t really feel like going out,” I started, noting Matt’s disappointment.“But we can go back to my place. Maybe watch a movie?”
“OK, but none of that artsy stuff with subtitles,” he answered with a grin, jumping into his flashy sports car.
Chapter 8
I woke up with a headache, still not sure what I should do about Ms. Wilde’s invitation to come by her apartment later. I tried to get some work done but ended up watching movies instead, in an effort to distract myself. I checked the Facebook around dinnertime and saw that she’d updated her status.
Fan-fucking-tastic concert!!
One of her friends had commented, asking if she wanted to come to a party, and my mouth went dry.
Would she forget about asking me over?
I scrolled down, reading her answer to her friend’s query.
Thanks, but I’m looking forward to a night at home
She’d added another one of her smiley faces.
Does that mean that she’s expecting me? What am I going to do?
I paced back and forth and skipped dinner entirely, too wound up to eat. I was still no closer to a decision. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to sleep with her again. I wanted to feel her lips on mine, her tongue in my mouth, her soft breasts in my hands. The dreams that had plagued me nightly since our encounter only added to the burning need I felt to be inside her again. Just thinking about it made me ache.
But I knew that it was wrong. The university had strict rules outlawing fraternization. If I got caught, it would be the end of my job and my credibility. My reputation would be forever ruined in academic circles, which would be detrimental for someone like me, who was still trying to make a name for myself in the world of academia. Could I really risk everything I’d worked for, merely to spend an hour or two with a girl I didn’t even like?
The answer was staring me in the face. No, I couldn’t do that.
I practically fell onto the couch and breathed out a sigh of relief. Now that the decision had been made, I could finally relax. I wouldn’t be accepting her strange offer and my life could return to normal, just as hers would when she realized that I wasn’t coming over.
I wondered, though…would she be upset? I was standing her up, wasn’t I? It had happened to me once in college when a blind date never showed up, and I certainly hadn’t liked it. Doing the same thing to Ms. Wilde made me feel guilty. She hadn’t done anything to deserve such a harsh rejection. Perhaps I should just go over there and explain that we couldn’t see each other again outside the classroom.
That sounded reasonable enough. Afterward, she could attend the party that she’d been invited to and I could go home with a clear conscience. For a moment, I contemplated if it was better to simply send her a message on the Facebook, but decided against it. If I did that, she would know that I’d been perusing her profile like some sort of internet stalker, and I really didn’t want her to think of me that way. A personal appearance was much better, plus it seemed prudent not to put any mention of our illicit encounter in writing. Feeling firm in my resolve, I went out to my car, anxious for this temporary insanity to be over and done with.
* * *
Thirty minutes later, I found myself outside Ms. Wilde’s apartment, where I hadn’t moved a muscle since parking five minutes earlier.
This is ridiculous! Just go up there and tell her “thanks, but no thanks.”
I breathed in deeply and let it out again, hoping that it would calm my erratic heartbeat. I knew that I wasn’t technically breaking up with Ms. Wilde, but I still found myself worrying what her reaction would be when I told her that I didn’t want to sleep with her again. I was also concerned that she would see through my lie. I did want to sleep with her again and I felt certain that if she touched me, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I couldn’t let that happen.
I will just stay outside, politely thank her for the invitation, and then decline. No touching necessary.
Finally, I exited the car and walked up the stairs to her door. The mere knowledge that she was on the other side, waiting for me, made me jittery and lightheaded.
It’ll be fine. You’re a grown man, and no matter how great the sex was, you’re perfectly capable of resisting her. Just stay outside her apartment and give her the message quickly.
I took another calming breath and knocked on her door. After a few seconds, it flew open and Ms. Wilde appeared.
“Stephen, thank the fucking Lord, you’re here!” she exclaimed.